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Original poster

Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

639 replies

Katey83 · 04/05/2023 22:47

My dsd, 7, moved in with us full
time back in January. Our situation is that I am higher earner and breadwinner on Mat leave with 5 month old baby, husband does some part time work that doesn’t bring in much (he runs our family vehicle and contributes towards household costs such as shopping etc). Dsd’s mother does not contribute towards her expenses while she is living here (indefinitely for now).

At the moment, we are on a tight budget due to my mat leave - and one thing driving me crazy is dsd eating all our fruit. We will buy a weekly shop with 2 bunches bananas, few punnets of berries, peaches, melon, grapes, tangerines etc and she will eat her way through the lot in two days. For example, yesterday she ate a punnet and a half of raspberries, three peaches, four tangerines, some grapes, a slice of melon and two bananas. This is on a school day (so she eats this at breakfast and in the evening). She is then obviously reluctant to finish a proper evening meal or try anything she dislikes. She also has had a couple of accidents with loose stools (imo this is from bingeing on fruit). She takes from the fridge without asking and leaves nothing for DH and I.

I’ve spoken to my dh about this and he says she is a growing child and at least fruit is good for her - fair enough I buy fruit partly for her to eat, but the amount seems greedy to me, and beyond what is necessary for a healthy child. I think reasonable is a small
bowl of berries and grapes along with a tangerine and banana after school as a snack and then one piece for dessert. She can also have melon and banana for breakfast along with cereal and a yoghurt. I want her to learn that food costs money, we don’t have a bottomless pit of it and you don’t just gorge on whatever you want because you are bored/tired/didn’t eat your dinner, you ration portions in a family so everyone gets a fair share, and sometimes eat less tasty things to maintain a healthy diet.

We provide substantial breakfast, lunch and dinner portions, and I try to accommodate her tastes (though she can’t just have fish fingers and strawberries as a diet, which would be her preference).When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud as dh can see how unhealthy it is. I want to handle this in a compassionate way, would I be unreasonable to stop buying fruit until dh agrees to a sensible ration for dsd?

OP posts:
LouBaloo · 04/05/2023 23:17

husband does some part time work that doesn’t bring in much (he runs our family vehicle and contributes towards household costs such as shopping etc). Dsd’s mother does not contribute towards her expenses while she is living here (indefinitely for now)

Good grief tell him to find more work! You’re paying all the bills for him and his daughter. I wouldn’t put up with his he needs to get his finger out his arse imo.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/05/2023 23:15

So your partner, DSDs dad doesn't work FT or have the gumption to parent his daughter effectively enough to figure out a solution for her over eating?

It isn't healthy for her to eat that amount of fruit, how does he not know that, or does he just not care?

CheersForThatEh · 04/05/2023 23:15

Two problems - too much fruit and DH not contributing enough.

In the short term, allocate weekly portions. If DH wants to give her his share, fine. But if everyone gets a banana, a portion of grapes etc then noone can complain when they have eaten theirs.

Bargellobitch · 04/05/2023 23:15

You sound resentful of your step child. Poor girl.

I'd also suggest that fif having to buy more fruit is making things feel right then you we're not managing that well financially. So maybe your husband needs to work more? Even if the additional fruit cost £20 if that starts to break the budget the budget nerds more slack.

SchoolShenanigans · 04/05/2023 23:14

At seven, parents should still be in control of what a child is eating.

A punnet and a half in one day?! That's beyond ott and both of you need to set the boundaries. Place them out of reach. Or don't buy them for a while.

Too much fruit will damage her teeth so perhaps go on that tact with your partner.

I have three kids under 6 and we get through a lot of fruit. I buy berries as a treat, usually I just buy bananas, apples, plums and grapes as I find they stretch further and are cheaper. You can also give 1 apple rather than an undefined number of berries.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2023 23:13

It does sound a bit like it’s the manifestation of an emotional problem.

But I agree that much fruit- and the sugar - can’t be good for her.

I think I’d work on making sure she eats more of a balance first and foremost - maybe shift the times of meals if she’s coming home hungry and going for the fruit as it’s easy and tasty? Make a more balanced snack when she first comes in?

knowsmorethansnow · 04/05/2023 23:13

Why not try having a snack box in the fridge and refilling it every morning. She can help herself to her snacks when ever she likes and learns portion control and you can put some cheaper snacks in it.

Original poster
Katey83 · 04/05/2023 23:12

I think that’s a lot to conclude from
one post about a specific issue. I’m irked at the cost of our food bill and my DH reluctance to step in and deal with what ai see as unhealthy behaviour. I love dsd and we are doing a lot as a family (and I am funding a lot myself, E.g. play therapy) to help her deal with this change in circs.

OP posts:
TheMarzipanDildo · 04/05/2023 23:10

Katey83 · 04/05/2023 23:08

I obviously don’t call her greedy, I said in the post that eating that amount ‘seems greedy to me’ - as in, it’s eating for the sake of eating rather than for nutrition. I’d think it was greedy regardless of who was doing the eating.

It might be about a misunderstanding of nutrition though (hence my comment about childhood health obsession).

StaySpicy · 04/05/2023 23:10

Buy frozen berries; cheaper and you can defrost only the portions you need.

And put some apples in the fridge that she is allowed to snack on as much as she wants. It sounds like she's eating lots of sweet berries and juicy fruits like peaches. Apples won't give her the same sugary hit so she's less likely to eat lots at once and might not ruin her appetite.

Pluvia · 04/05/2023 23:10

First of all, if you're hard-up at the moment what are you doing buying raspberries and peaches and melons etc out of season? Incredibly expensive, massive amounts of plastic packaging and a high carbon footprint. It doesn't make sense if you're on a tight budget. Many of those fruits are very high in sugar and she's probably eating them for a sugar fix.

Fill your fruit bowl with apples and pears, which have a lower sugar content and are cheaper, and don't allow her free access to it. Put it out of her reach or in the fridge. Offer a piece of fruit after a meal if she's eaten her veg etc.

HaroldeVwilliam · 04/05/2023 23:08

Oh gosh. Yes it's quite a lot but my goodness id be delighted if my beautiful girls ate this much fruit.

The whole tone here is begrudging, greedy, I'm high wage earner, we don't get anything after she's gorged herself, I'm paying for this, her mum doesn't support her here.

Bottom line... Why can't her mum have her.

She should not be living with you. A little critique op because you had a child with a man who also had a child however it's clear you deeply bergudge her.

Eating too much fruit is such an innocent sin isn't it but it's deeply irking you.

Re think the entire situation I can promise you you won't be silently begrudging your own child eating too much fruit 😂😂.

On a serious note I don't think this situation is fair on this child and I hope she can be reunited with her mum if thatz possible

Original poster
Katey83 · 04/05/2023 23:08

I obviously don’t call her greedy, I said in the post that eating that amount ‘seems greedy to me’ - as in, it’s eating for the sake of eating rather than for nutrition. I’d think it was greedy regardless of who was doing the eating.

OP posts:
Alloveragain3 · 04/05/2023 23:07

That's a crazy amount, and I'm surprised her dad isn't stepping in and setting boundaries.

It might be "healthy" food but it's still sugar.

I'd be pissed if I was paying the food bill too, OP.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/05/2023 23:06

Katey83 · 04/05/2023 23:05

He lost his job during covid and could only find PT, and I earn enough for the family so never seemed an issue until now, when I have started to feel a little resentful since dad came to live here.

I'm not surprised, he needs to earn enough for the two children he has, especially now DD is living with you full time.
Essentially you are subbing his share of your own child's costs, not a long term way to live imo.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 04/05/2023 23:05

Bless her, she's obviously had a whole lot of changes recently and is finding her feet in her new circumstances.

Could you make a snack box for her, then cut up some fruit daily and she can eat whatever is in the box.

Maybe make up some fruity ice lollies with orange juice and stick a few berries in there too, this will take longer for her to eat and should help if she's just eating out of boredom.

Original poster
Katey83 · 04/05/2023 23:05

He lost his job during covid and could only find PT, and I earn enough for the family so never seemed an issue until now, when I have started to feel a little resentful since dad came to live here.

OP posts:
Feckthelotofthem · 04/05/2023 23:04

She sounds like the hungry caterpillar!

TheMarzipanDildo · 04/05/2023 23:04

She probably just likes fruit, but I know that I had a mortality/health obsession at the age of 7. Eating a ton of fruit was the kind of thing I did because I was planning to live for ever (I grew out of it!)

I would get some cheap veg in and encourage snacking on that instead.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/05/2023 23:00

Teach her portion control, look up thegovernment food guidelines, tell her it will help the baby learn healthy food habits if the while family eat this way.
That amount is actually not very good BTW, fructose can cause problems with the liver and will spike her blood sugar which is probably half the reason she's going back for more and more fruit.

I think your husband needs to up his working status as well unless you are happy with how it is.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/05/2023 23:00

PrimrosesandPears · 04/05/2023 22:54

I’d just encourage her to eat more of the cheaper fruit (maybe sub some apples and pears for some of the berries which really add up) and yes work on dinner but I wouldn’t restrict it and definitely not stop buying it. She’s 7. Fruit is good for her.

That amount of sugar is not good for anyone.

Gunpowder · 04/05/2023 22:59

I’ve got four children who are all fruit bats. They are allowed to help themselves to unlimited apples (I buy cheap ones) and carrots. Anything else is off limits unless I give it to them as part of a meal or an organised snack.

It’s great she likes fruit but it’s for everyone!

Violetcrush · 04/05/2023 22:59

Just put out what she can have and leave the rest in the fridge? If she asks for it say it’s for later/another day/sharing. She’s only 7, don’t make it an issue of no fruit/rations…

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/05/2023 22:58

She sounds like she’s had quite a traumatic time, so maybe don’t call her greedy eh? It’s comfort eating - she’s just moved from sweets to fruit.

That amount of sugar isn’t good for her so talk about it to DH in those terms. Explain to her it isn’t healthy to eat fruit (or anything) to excess, and portion it out. Put it where she can’t get to it.

Geppili · 04/05/2023 22:57

Comfort eating. Missing Mum and how things were. If the change is indefinite to you an adult, imagine how it feels when you are 7. At least she isn't binging on crap. Why does your DH work part time and earn so little?