Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

If she is with you indefinitely she is a family member/household member and the our food/her food needs to go.
it’s her home too.
but it is too much fruit for health and $$$ reasons. Maybe a banana with some peanut butter would hold her better as an after school snack. Peanut butter has protein and fat not just sugar. Apples and peanut butter are good too. Carrots or celery’s or other veg would also help, but it does sound like she is comfort eating and needs to eat her meals, not just unlimited snacks. Maybe you can get her dad to recognize the issue by focusing on health and habits not the damage she is doing to your budget, your good, etc.

It sounds to me like you resent her living with you. I can’t feel much compassion in your post. This is a little girl who has just lost her mum, moved house, had a baby sibling. All life changing things for a young child. Yes that’s too much fruit, but please make any changes kindly and slowly. I want to give her a big hug.

Poor kid. Imagine being denied fruit in 2023. Why does your DH only work part-time?

My son was like this until a few years ago. He's autistic I used to have to hide fruit from him. If I didn't he would fill up on it and refuse to eat his meals tipping his plate over. .

She might not have had much fruit on offer at her mum's so she's making up for it. But it's not good for they're teeth eating so much fruit. Sometimes they think they're hungry but just need to drink more.

Is your DH looking for full time work? I voted YANBU because that's an absurd amount of fruit but I did think your first post sounded a bit evil step mum. Your second one reads much better and helps to understand the picture. It's nice that you're paying for play therapy etc and it's clear you care for this child. It's a bit of an unfair position you've been placed in.
I do think it's most likely comfort eating. It sounds like she was quite addicted to sugar when she arrived? This can take months to work through as a lot of sugary sweets are not just physically but psychologically addictive. Gives you a hit so fast. It's probably why she's eating so so much fruit. I was similar when I was in foster care as a teen. She will know she's eating lots of fruit and is probably hoping you're not noticing.
I would suggest getting cheaper fruit, lots of apples and also sweeter veg like carrots and peppers. I would personally do something like this:

Get two tupperware boxes. Say that you found a trick online in how to keep fruit and veg fresh for longer and you'd like to stay a bit more organized as you've got a bit of a baby brain ( sorry op, not necessarily this but something that takes blame away from her) and you want to make sure she has her snacks. So you have two tupperware boxes for her. You fill it with enough fruit and veg for that day and replenish with her daily. It'll give her a task to do. Have you done your carrots and fruit for tomorrow? Help her cut etc. It'll be a nice activity she has with you. Carrot sticks should be kept in water and fruit should have a tissue inside the tupperware. She can decorate the tupperware.
This will give her a safe portion that she knows is for her and no one can comment on. It'll also help alleviate her worries that she's eating too much and help control her snacking as this is often the age unhealthy coping mechanisms using food start. The tupperware is empty? You've got to wait till after dinner for more. It'll also allow you to introduce her to other veg that she might not normally try. Oh i picked up this, thought you might like to try it for your snack box.

Sorry this is so long. Sending you lots of love and patience OP. It's a tricky situation.

Poor wee soul. She's only 7 and has a lifetime ahead of learning what things cost
For now, just buy cheaper fruit or ration the fruit she now has.

I think you need to separate the cost from the nutritional aspect of it. It's not appropriate (or kind) to tell a 7 year old that what she's eating costs too much. Especially if she's just been moved out of her mother's home. But it is appropriate (and probably even comforting) to set some structure and boundaries around meals and snack times. (ie... times and amounts and varied diet).

Leave her alone.

I don’t think it’s that much. My DC have fruit or veg with every meal and usually as snacks too so probably put away similar in a day. Eat well very fit and active.

If it’s comfort eating then that’s different but the priority then should be about helping her through change and less about spending money or Being resentful. She is a child.

I realise you have to agree a solution with her father, but apart from that I'd keep the fact that she is your stepdaughter out of this. There are really obvious issues around health and boundaries. Mixing them up with who contributes what to the budget probably won't help.

She's stopped overeating sweets. Great - well done to all of you. She's still overdoing sugar (and fibre, sounds like). A GP would confirm this around the loose stools.

It's good if she has a "help yourself" range of snacks. I'd talk to her dad about getting her involved in planning that. Decide on x portions of fruit a day, and that should reduce your budget anyway. Agree with PPs re two small shops. Also re apples / pears / frozen berries if budget tight.

Think about salad, toast, yoghurt, milk - agree she may be thirsty. Did she have lots of sweet fizzy drinks before? Is she hydrating enough without them? Could she drink tea - herbal, iced, fruit?

Is she bored and anxious - how does her free time look compared with before? Less distraction / screen time / company of kids her age. Is she filling time?

Make it about what is good for her and not your (understandably mixed) feelings about supporting her financially, and I hope you'll get buy in from her father and her. Pull the issues apart. It must be tough but it sounds as if you have already improved things in some ways. Good luck.

Do you have local market? Markets usually have cheaper and seasonal fruit. It isn't the season for berries or peaches yet and therefore they are expensive

My DD loves fruit!!!!! I've started buying more bananas, apples and pears the cheaper ones.. She would polish off the melons, mangos , pineapple and berries very quickly.

😭😂

I don't think you sound resentful of her but it is ridiculous to think you can maintain fair and consistent rules/habits at home when your partner refuses to play his part.

children and adults can be greedy, it’s greedy to eat someone else’s share, and it needs managing.

Is you DH afraid to upset DSD by saying no? Granted my DS is much much younger but I wouldn't let him have that much fruit in one day. It seems excessive. My DS is 9 months old, he would eat a whole punnet of strawberries if I let him but I have to limit his intake as the adult.

He isn't observant enough to realise his daughter is over eating on fruit and developing a bad food habit and is dismissive about health concerns when it is actually pointed out to him.
Do you really think he is a good candidate for fulfilling a childcare role?
He sounds like an incompetent chancer and I'm on your side in regards to the situation.

YANBU. Even a very tall bodybuilding man shouldn’t eat that much fruit. I’m not surprised she has an upset tummy.

I can see why your husband is slow to tackle this though given the upheaval she’s had recently. Poor little thing. But I do think it needs regulating as it’s not healthy. It’s so much sugar and there’s no sense of portion control. And yes, she’s a growing girl and it’s not like it’s sweets, but I’ll bet you’re spending a lot of money on fruit several times a week if it’s going in two days. She can still be full eating three balanced meals a day with healthy snacks, reasonable amounts of fruit and the occasional treat in between them. She’s better off snacking on protein richer stuff to fill her for longer if she has an insatiable appetite. My grandma allowed me to be like this, with no sense of waiting until after a meal for a snack or treat etc, and I’m a gluttonous adult. I wonder if it had anything to do with it. Not calling your SD this btw!

I’d consider the following:

• I’d cut back on the pricier fruit we all love to graze on all day like out of season berries and stock up on the cheaper less exciting stuff like bananas, apples and tangerines.
• I’d possibly speak to her about five a day and how you need one banana/a small amount of berries to count and after that you need a different kind of fruit. I’d mention that vegetables need to be included too.
• I’d get some dairy, fibre etc snacks in to encourage more varied snacking.
• I’d buy a certain amount of nicer fruit in my weekly shop and would not replenish until the following week. If it goes, it goes. I’d always have the boring fruit at home though.
• Not having most fruit in sight and replenishing a fruit bowl daily or every couple of days depending on the size of your bowl/how much all of you get through.

It's unhealthy my son does it but he has adhd/autism and he is VERY sensory seeking crunchy apples are his joy I cut him down because its unhealthy for his teeth AND his stomach

I don't think she called her greedy, merely described her behaviour (to us/OH)....which it kind of is.

It’s too much, parents shouldn’t be afraid to say no to children, even if it involves food. You are giving her three meals a day, so put the snacks she is allowed for the day, into a bowl , she eats them when she wants and when they’re gone, it’s porridge or similar low sugar food.

Hi OP, I have a binge eating disorder which stems from childhood trauma.

It's fairly obvious to me that this is what is going on with your DSD.

Your post seems unsympathetic and resentful. She's young and she's in pain and she is self-soothing with sweet things. She needs more support than she's getting and she needs kindness and understanding.

Also FWIW when my food intake was forcibly and unkindly restricted I began self harming instead. You don't want that so go much more gently.

By all means buy cheaper fruit and smaller quantities of it, but don't withhold or ration - she needs to be able to feel soothed.

Clearly he needs a higher paying job, an extra job or a full time job. Is he looking?