Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

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Put a lock on the fridge so she has to ask! :)

@Jemandthehologramsunite but it does matter! Like I don't have an unlimited budget, I have £240pm for food so if I can't afford berries then it's apples or bananas

Same here. If we get watermelon or berries - gone in a day or two. Then the rest of the week it’s cheaper stuff like apples, carrots etc as snacks. Absolutely fine. We actually don’t usually buy berries because they’re so expensive - we have some frozen raspberries that we can scatter on porridge etc.

I’d get rid of censorious ideas around being greedy, gorging and the idea that eating is just for fuel (eating is for both nutrition and pleasure). Those ideas encourage disordered attitudes towards food.

If you’re actually saying shes had faecal incontinence she needs to see the GP.

Poor kid. So many changes to deal with, and neither of her parents in a position to support her financially? That’s a really rough deal.

Your DH needs to find a full time job so he can contribute an equal share to the household, especially as both of the dc are his. Your step daughter’s mum needs to pay child support so put in a claim for that.

Just buy cheaper fruit eg bananas, apples and pears. If you want grapes then put them high up in the fridge so she can’t reach. Don’t buy berries, peaches and melon as those are more expensive. Also, explain to your step daughter that it is polite to ask before taking food. She needs to learn that it’s not polite to take everyone else’s portions.

Sure, it's a lot of fruit. And there's no way I would let my DC (8 and 5) eat that much in one day. So you could just stop buying so much.

But the fruit is a side issue.

Why is your stepdaughter not living with her mother? Is she seeing her at all? This is the main issue.

Secondly, why does your husband not work more? If your stepdaughter's mother isn't contributing financially then he has sole financial responsibility for one child and half for another. He needs to be doing a lot more.

You are also right to point out that 140 pounds (more than 35 per person) is too much of the food budget to spend on fruit each week. You need to purchase and eat a range of foods for a healthy balanced diet so I can see your point about needing to assess the weekly food shop.

That’s not a healthy amount of fruit. I would do her a tub each day and she can snack on that then when it’s gone it’s gone, and perhaps offer her some extra after dinner if she’s eaten dinner. My kids know expensive fruit like berries is not for taking, they eat it when we offer it to them which is usually when we are all together after dinner, and there is a maximum on fruit they like, to keep in a healthy range eg no more than two bananas a day.

It's not about the fruit everybody! It's about a little girl whose life has changed completely over the last few months. She can't handle it and is eating to compensate.

My 2 boys (now teens) always loved to eat and never stopped. It was difficult to control. They ate big portions but they were never overweight or gaining weight, so you have to think that's the right amount and they judged correctly how much they need. Your job to point them to the right foods, though and keep within the budget.

I would say do 2 smaller shops (esp if husband has plenty of free time). Frozen berries are good too as cheaper and not immediately munchable. Think about tins too (eg peaches, mandarins). Put fruit you don't want her to eat out of line of sight (eg in the chiller underneath the lettuce.) Put snacks you do want her to eat in line of sight (eg houmus, boiled eggs, tomatoes, carrots, cheese, peanut butter, peppers).

Could you take some time and teach her to cook herself some healthy-ish snacks (eg granola bars, cheese on toast, scotch pancakes, cheese straws) that would give her at least a more varied diet and might be something you could enjoy together?

Wow you begrudge a child eating £5+ of fruit! Veges might be better, but there's much worse than fruit. The cost shouldn't really matter for food, don't have kids if you can't afford to feed them 😑 😳

if money is a problem, just buy apples, bananas and oranges. dsd will slow down her fruit consumption then, i think. No need to stop buying fruit completely, that's a punishment.

But really, don't call a child 'greedy' . its a harsh word use in regards to a child. Shes only 7. So young.

i suggest your husband earn more money, or you are going to be carrying the major financial burden of teenagers pretty much on your own. This is not just about fruit. All kids cost a lot, the older they get the more they cost. you should see the amount they can eat as teenagers. IF you are concerned and resentful over the cost of fruit consumed by a 7 yr old dsd now, you are in for a very unpleasant surprise when they reach the more expensive ages.

I'm very familiar with what a seven and five years old eat who are healthy and sporty kids. They also have great teeth and are friendly and co-operative.
They usually have four servings (small) of vegetables with their main meal. The dentist promotes vegies rather than too many fruits and definitely no dried fruit unless cooked in a cake etc..

They sometimes eat a piece of fruit (or a handful of berries) as a snack after school and have a piece in their lunch box.
So two pieces max. per day and also any fruit (canned) that might be in cooking of biscuits, cakes, yoghut or puddings through out the week.

Buying smaller apples in boxes, or bags of small oranges, pears or mandarins or seasonal fruits is often the most economical for kids. Also buy smaller bananas and some that are green and have to wait.

Eating too much fruit possibly helped the child transition from eating too many lollies.
Try to train her onto sweeter tasting vegies - carrots, corn etc.

Seven year olds do need to have options for snacks as they are growing, like your husband says. Have a piece of wholemeal bread, nut spread, marmite or crackers and cheese slice, unsweetened yoghurt and one piece of fruit available for her own pickings for the day along with water.

Serve most other food at meal times and try to fill her up on nutrient rich foods.
Breakfast of weetabix or porridge with milk or an egg and a piece of toast should keep her happy until morning recess time.
Three servings of dairy, one or two proteins like fish or egg or meat or nuts and lots of vegies, some healthy breads and two fruits per day is what I would call normal. Fruit juice is unnecessary and is definitely counted as extra fruit servings.

A good idea could be for Miss 7 to grow some tomatoes in pots, or snow peas, zucchini, cucumber or sweeter lettuce types. Baking savoury muffins, zuccini cakes, plain scones, oat filled biscuits and cheesey biscuit sticks yourself could save money.

Your daughter could also be eating out of boredom or anxiety or thirst. Suggest water first and have plenty of picture books (join a library) and some paper, pencils, textas, and paste at a craft table or ask if she wants to play outside, listen to music, learn to knit or have a game of Chess or cards?

You are totally right in that any one person should not need to eat the family's weekly fruit supply in two days.

Does she eat nuts? Nuts would be a better snack than all that fruit. And more filling.

Other than that, I would put what she can have in a box each day and perhaps put extra punnets etc on high shelves behind other items.

She sounds like she is really struggling though. I cannot imagine not living with my mum when I was 7.

-you are a new parent
-you are still adapting to life as a mum
-you have taken on an additional child who is at a different stage of development to your baby
-you are having to deal with challenging behaviour as a likely result of adverse childhood experiences
-you carry the burden of being the bread winner.

You are allowed to feel fustrated in the position you are in. I can fully understand why you feel the way you do. I really feel for you. Being able to honestly reflect on how you feel (which you are already doing) in your situation is key to developing solutions.

Your step daughter is likely to have a varying degree of unmet needs. It may help if both you and her father look into attachment theory it could help with giving an insight to behaviour and potential ways to best support her.

She is likely over eating in attempt to fill her emotional needs for comfort. No doubt she will be grieving the way she use to live as well as trying to adapt and make sense of her new life. She too also has the added change of a new sibling.

Its important you approach the over eating softly as not to make her feel any shame. Slowly reduce the availability of fruit over a period of day a week. Until she isn’t able to independently access the fruit on her own - store high up out of reach for example in a basket on top the fridge. When she asks for a snack offer her alternatives perhaps a different snack (pop corn) a drink or even an activity.

Can I have a banana please?

Sure, but it’s not long till dinner time so perhaps have the banana after. Would you like read a book/watch a programme…

Dont be afraid to ask for help - this could be from the gp, school or school nurse. Perhaps your own HV may be able to direct you to available support.

My child’s school has a nuture room and play therapy sessions are available during school time for children who need it - might be a long waiting list but get her name down asap. Or at least they may be able to direct you to other agencies that can offer free support.

I think you and your partner need to have a discussion on how best to reduce the burden you have on your shoulders. Unless he is using his time to actively participate in the childrens day to day care and run the household then perhaps it’s time he gets back to full time work.

Has he considered putting in a claim for child support? Even if mums on benefits it’s £7 to help towards the costs of your step daughter.

Also are you are claiming everything you are entitled to such as child benefit?

On the whole Mumsnetters tend to be very scared of fruit. Whole fruit is absolutely fine,anything dried or juiced should be limited.

Put what she can have in a box - job done.

A punnet of raspberries is about 10 these days,so hardly an excessive amount.

I'm amazed it's taken so long for someone to say this.

She's eating everyone else's portions, and not caring.

She's seven and yet she's helping herself to expensive fruit without asking. Even when my kids were significantly older than seven, they asked before helping themselves from the fridge. And part of the reply from us would be along the lines of "how much is left? Has (sibling) had any yet?"

Berries and citrus fruits are the lower sugar options - apples and bananas are cheaper and could be bought in higher amounts. Melon is great for hydration, especially the less-sweet watermelons.

Grapes and others are higher in sugar and should be reduced.

Some children just love fruit! But if it affects their tummy then obviously a few boundaries need to be set regarding the amounts.

Raw carrot sticks are lovely and sweet, and how about mini cucumbers with a savoury dip? Well done on getting your s.daughter off the sweets - small steps and changes to the weekly shop should see you continuing on a happy path :-)

I would be worried about her binge eating. because that's what it is even though it's fruit. Is she struggling with the separation from her mother? Has a child at school said something about that?

Stop buying expensive out of season fruit. Buy her all the bananas and pears and apples she can eat. They’re cheaper and a lot less exotic than peaches and berries and whatnot.

To everyone going on about what hidden meaning could be behind all this, just stop ffs. Yes, the girls life has been uprooted but it doesn’t mean everything has to stop to accommodate. It’s healthy to set boundaries and obviously there are things being put in place to help her deal with the trauma and the transition. Burying her in berries isn’t going to help her through this time any easier, it’s going to give her cavities and a disordered eating habit.

Oh give it a break, you sound so sanctimonious.

That amount of fruit is very unhealthy due to the amount of sugar and all that acid on her teeth, and she has every right to be unhappy at the cost of the said child refused to eat proper food and is over eating fruit.

In my experience, I think you are missing the point entirely. It has nothing to do with the specific type of food, it could be fruit, sweets, types of bread, types of cheese whatever. It’s not food she’s needing it’s comfort, love and reassurance. She is not being greedy. She’s getting comfort from her food. It’s making her feel good. She’s not living with her mum. She is no longer living where she used to live. She has been living with another mum for 4 months. She is sharing her dad with another sibling. She needs some help or she has got a lifetime ahead of her with this issue.

She’s 7, she doesn’t need to learn that food costs money or that things need to be rationed. She needs to be carefree and happy and fed. She’s probably stressed and upset after all the upheaval of leaving her mother and moving in with someone else - that can affect eating habits. If she doesn’t like what she’s being fed, then that needs to be addressed.

What @Dodgeitornot said

Slightly random but I'm not a huge veg fan but will eat anything with a dip!
Would she eat carrot/cucumber sticks and get a dip or salad dressing to dunk them in?

I actually have a big tub of Greek yoghurt (cheap/filling) and do
Yoghurt + peanut butter + honey for apple slices or banan
Yoghurt + ranch powder for veg sticks

Look up the amount of sugar she is getting from all of that fruit and your DH might quickly realise that it needs cutting down. I know people will say fruit doesn't make you fat but it impacts your insulin response and causes spikes in blood sugar, which isn't good for anyone.