Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

No, they don't. Biological parents should provide for their children.

She got into a serious relationship and had a baby with someone who had an older child. Same principle still stands.

Yes, that's too much fruit and not good for her. It's understandable that she's comfort eating, though, she's so little, and it sounds like she's having a hard time.

Parenting is teaching good life rules, and a particularly good life rule here is that we don't eat that much fruit because
a) It will make your tummy hurt.
b) There will be no fruit left for tomorrow.

(I don't think this particular 7-yr-old needs to understand the economic aspect of it, to be honest; the last thing you want is to give her more things to worry about or give her the idea you resent spending money on her.)

Make sure that there is food that she is allowed to help herself to if she's hungry (carrots and apples are a good idea). In your position, my priority would be her wellbeing, not the fruit itself.

I just want to add that my kids are all older now, and I do remember there being a financial tipping point where we went from being able to afford blueberries and peaches for small children's appetites to bulk buying apples and carrots to keep up with teen appetites.

A 7 yr old child eating fruit from the fridge is not being greedy, there's more at play, behaviour is communication.

Was there not enough food at her mum's?
Was she praised when eating healthily and isn't used to having so much opportunity to eat fruit so thinks she's supposed to or that it will gain praise?
Is she comfort eating?

It's interesting that you didn't care he'd lost his job until you became resentful of feeding a 7 yr old child. Your resentment is about more than fruit.

She's a child who now lives with you, parent her, has she got enough food to eat overall? Are you giving her a big enough portion of other food? Is fruit the only food you have that's entirely familiar to her? Is she filling up on it because she doesn't like the other food you have? Have you tried taking her shopping with you and letting her help plan meals? Talking to her about what meals etc she liked at mums?

Instead of going 'shes eating all the berries wah wag' maybe try 'why is our 7 yr old traumatised child acting in an unusual way and how can we help?'

The child is already getting therapy paid for by the OP.

Obviously not, it sounds like it was only dinner, and I still think it's best she eats something rather than proceesed crap which so many other kids do. It also seems that there are other issues at play, so the poor kid probably need someone to cut her some slack. If fruit is expensive, therapy is going to cost a lot more 🤷‍♀️

How much fruit or indeed any other food do you consider a snack? Do you still think it's a snack if it prevents the consumer from eating their normal meals?

I thought this was OPs stepdaughter living full time with them? I feel sorry for the poor kid that's for sure.

Dried fruit is incredibly bad for children's teeth. It clings. My children's dentist said that from a dental point of view she would rather children ate sweets than ate dried fruit. She told me that the worst teeth she ever sees belong to usually slightly older mothers who are determined to only have "healthy food" which in their view includes dried food and they don't have regular dental checkups because their children "don't eat sugar" so how could they have decay. By time the child has toothache, it's a root canal or extracting teeth rotted beyond saving. I was there at the dentist when I overheard a little girl talking to her mother about getting some new nail polish for being brave during a root canal. This was a very expensive city practice so we're not talking about people who were needing to economise.

Can't you simply tell her not to eat so much fruit yourself? Why do you have to get your DH to discipline her?

When my kids were that age we had bento boxes (the ones that are divided into compartments). They would help me fill the boxes so they were ready for snacking. They would get one fruit, cheese, peanut butter and crackers, green veggies, yellow veggies, nuts, and yogurt. We also kept boiled eggs, hummus and pitas, pretzels, deli meat, chicken salad and tuna salad in the refrigerator. This helped me teach them to eat a variety of healthy foods and how to prepare them.

Prepping snacks would be a good activity for DH and DSD to do together. I would write down guidelines for the contents of the snack boxes (1 fruit, 2 veg, 1 protein, etc…) then let DSD choose something for each category. This would also give her some control while you can be make sure she is getting the nutrition she needs in appropriate portions.

For breakfast, we like to have oatmeal or cream of wheat with berries, bananas, nuts, seeds and either Greek yogurt or nut butters mixed in. Another option for us is eggs, sausage, grits and melon. Our children have always been limited to one portion of fruit at breakfast, afternoon snack and sometimes after the evening meal. We put the focus on adding variety to their diets rather than limiting fruit.

The OP didn’t have the kid in question. However, both of the parents in question seem to feel no obligation to pay for their child's food. But you think ithe OP's problem and fault. Funny, that.

I guess we are all different, it just blows my mind that some people would think eating fruit is gorging and being selfish, and unhealthy. It's literally eating food. It's sad if this is considered a treat. Veges are better of course, but fruit is still OK as a snack. As long as it's not processed food or food with lots of salt. Reminds me of my mean older cousin who "told on me" for eating cereal as a snack when I was younger. Perhaps I'm projecting! 😆

I'd scale back on the variety. Not sure I'd restrict it but I would buy in season to reduce the cost.
I used to have a plate of fruit and sultanas (or other healthy snacks) for my kids when they came home from school. Sometimes a fruit dip. They'd sit, eat and then go off until dinner time. If a snack is provided after school, there should be no need to go foraging in the fridge. I'd try and add some veg to the snacks to reduce the fruit.
It need not be an issue if you are both on the same page and focused on health and wellbeing rather than resentment and cost.

Hell would freeze over before I supported a workshy husband and his child. Presumably somebody has explained to your stepdaughter that if she eats all the fruit then nobody else gets any so she is being selfish. I mean I would have thought a seven year old could work that out herself. Your husband is a weak ineffectual parent if all he can do is whine that fruit which he doesn't pay for is healthy. I'd be shot of the pair of them myself.

I have no doubt that the OP would have just as much of an issue with her "own flesh and blood" gorging on a family weeks worth of fruit in a couple of days. Health wise and manners wise.

Have you tried her on cucumber and red or yellow peppers ? My son loves these and cheaper and less sugary than fruit. That's a lot of fruit she's eating! And berries are so expensive.

You could also buy her some strawberry plants (and raspberry canes if you've got space) and she can enjoy planting those with you and then eating "her own" fruits in the summer.

OP she is eating too much fruit and is not good for her teeth. I'd buy her a packet of carrot sticks and a pot of houmous. Buy 2 large bags of apples which contain less sugar and tell her she can have those as a snack. I'd give her a banana each day as part of her breakfast. I'd limit her to one other fruit of her choice so either mixed berries, a pear, a satsuma, an orange or a couple of plums. Why is her mother not contributing to her DD upkeep? It sounds like the poor girl has 2 parents and neither are providing for her. Do you get child benefit for her as she is living with you?

Sorry,@Katey83
Growing child. I disagree with your opinion of rationing food. It sets up eating disorders. Instead, try and teach eating other things as well as the fruit she loves. Wondering if she wasn't getting it at her mum's? 🤔

Fruit is not a treat. It is a healthy snack. This is probably how people end up with food issues when they are older. Also I wonder if OP would have an issue with her own flesh and blood eating all the food

Her survival needs are being met with the meals she is being served. She needs to learn not to monopolize the treats, both for her own health and for family harmony.

I think YABU with the language you have used. You said:

She takes from the fridge without asking

that is the usual method of accessing food! Why does she need to seek permission to meet her survival needs? You sound controlling if you think a member of the household has to ask before using the fridge. She’s not a lodger. You seem to be othering her.

ultimately there are worse things she could be eating so you need to put this into perspective. If her doctor/dentist are not concerned, then why are you? If cost is an issue, you’ll either have to buy less fruit, or switch to cheaper fruit that you can buy more of. It comes across that she’s trying hard to hit 5 a day, can you show her alternative ways she can get this eg parts of her evening meal/school lunch, fruit juice etc.

Exactly. Poor girl it must be awful for her.

Agree with this .It does sound like you resent her, it's not her fault her Dad works part time. Don't call a child greedy please.

Well that's OK having less expensive fruit, it just seems wrong to skimp on healthy food (fruit is healthy)