Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

Don’t be so ridiculous. If that’s roughly the amount of fruit she eats every day then that would cost me nearly half my weekly food shop for 4 just for fruit snacks for 1 person. And yes fruit is healthy but like most things, in moderation. It’s not nothing to do with begrudging it, rather not being able to afford it and thinking it’s not that good for her.

Totally agree with those saying either buy less or different fruit, or portion out what you have and show her what she can eat.

I'd be very happy if my 7yo ate all that fruit, although not if they made diarrhea mess from it. And it IS better to eat fruit than the sweets gorging girl was used to.

If it's "expensive fruit" how does that fit with "being on a tight budget". The logic on rationing the fruit is mostly about the tight budget & it's on the need to ration/tight budget that OP disagrees with her DH so can't find a unified policy, eg., locking the fruit in a cupboard etc.

This is a co-parenting thread not a diet decisions one.
Cheaper fruit (more bananas, less berries & melon) would be one area to compromise.

Buy more cheaper fruits like apple and bananas. For berries, buy frozen so you have to give her some rather than her take it willy nilly . Also chopped up carrot and cucumber.

@Cantthinkofaname2203
one of the first things people ask single mums who are struggling on here is where is the father and why is he not paying any support or maintenance?

I think it is fair to point out that this child has two biological parents neither of whom are supporting her financially.

and whilst the OPs resentment may be wrongly directed at the child she isn’t wrong to be resentful of the situation, where she married a working adult, who was supporting himself and his child, she has then had to take on financially supporting him, and now his child as well. this Is not what she signed up for so I can understand her frustration- being solely financially responsible for a household and having three people dependent on you is also incredibly stressful.

OP, next time just say your daughter and you'll get full sympathy and understanding. The mere mention of "step" turned your into a wicked bitch that hates the child and wants her to starve. Its embarrassing for the poor little lambs that are so threatened by other women like this.

I for one think you are doing an incredible job with the funding and support you are giving. I would grow to resent funding an out of control eating habit when I had other mouths to feed and a tight budget. I find it a bit shocking that OH is quite happy for this to come out of your pocket but doesnt feel you have a right to an opinion. If OH is fine with it, he needs to start paying for it himself. Better still, maybe the mother should start contributing. If she had money for SD to binge sweets at home, she has money to help feed her at yours.

My step children dont help themselves to food at ours outside of making themselves breakfast (bagel/toast/cereal), they are rarely denied anything, but they must ask. If they've already had crisps and a chocolate bar, they can go and get a banana for instance. The idea of letting children roam free in the pantry is just lazy parenting, its quite normal to make sure children are eating properly.

Where to start? The fruit, yes it's too much. You either need to give some guidance or don't buy a weeks supply all at once.

Is she drinking enough? Dehydrated maybe?
You're on mat leave, can your husband increase his hours to help out financially for a change?
Using words like "greedy " and "gorging"? Pretty horrible tbh. Especially about a kid who, for whatever reason, has been going through a significant event in her life.

If she’s used to eating sweets a lot she may be on sugar craving binges.
i second the carrot sticks suggestion, they have some sweetness to them and don’t cost a fortune.

At 7 suddenly getting access perhaps for the first time to all the gorgeous fruit I'd have gone for it big time

I still remember my first peach

But you are buying expensive fruit

My son eats a lot of fruit but after his dinner and with his lunch. I wouldn't think to ration it but he's my child and I'm not resentful on spending money to feed him. If the fruit runs out we buy more and it isn't impacting him eating actual meals. We can afford it though, when i was a kid, if the fruit ran out there wasn't always enough money to buy more so we had to wait till next week. My mum didn't allow us to help ourselves for this reason, we had to ask.

Your bigger issue is that your partner needs to contribute more financially, why not tackle that rather than directing your ire at a child?

As for resenting paying for food for a 7 year old who has recently had a lot of upheaval in her life well that doesn't exactly put you in the best light. I have a 7 year old of my own and I think it's rather sad.

My dc would gorge on fruit too if I let them. But, for us, it's too expensive to have unlimited fruit as a snack. They have fruit for pudding after lunch and dinner and for one snack in between. Otherwise there are other healthy and filling snacks available.

To be honest children tend to eat a lot because they are anxious or bored. She's had a lot of change (as have you). We normally grow into parenting with our kids and you have missed a couple of stages...you need to work it out together, all of you.
It's hard enough for children when a sibling arrives and this is sibling plus new home. It will be hard for you too. What's do you want from your DH?

I haven't RTFT, but Op I don't think YABU at all - if my children ate a weeks worth of fruit in a few days I'd be very annoyed.

I think first things first, a rule needs to come in to place where she cannot simply help herself to what she wants. She should ask, and you can tell her if it's a suitable time for a snack (maybe dinner is soon so it's best to wait/maybe she's eaten a lot of fruit already, so you think a yoghurt might be better etc)

I don't think you sound resentful at all, and you wouldn't even be accused of being so if she was your biological child.

Cant believe people are still picking on a child swapping candies for fruit…

The problem is the childs slacking father and mother who dont provide for their child.

Next month OP will be posting that a school trip will be coming up or clothes will need to be bought and she will have to find the money for these too.

Fruit is not a problem,its not a common cause of childhood obesity or cavities,most children at some point eat more than they should and having temporary epuaode of diarhhea is not a medical concern, better than child having to take 6 sachets of Movicol a day to have a bowel
movement.

That is a lot of fruit!

Maybe she's just discovering and enjoying having the liberty of an "open bar" fridge filled with nice things.... and might be gorging a little in case (in her mind there is a risk ) that there are no berries next week.

If the fact she is with you fairly recently she might be (unconsciously, unintentionally) "stocking up" just in case she has to leave and go back to somewhere with less fruit/nice things to eat.

Could you take her shopping with you as an activity and ask her to help plan your shopping list for the fruit saying she can choose three portions a day to buy of whatever fruit she wants and maybe couple that with introducing her to a budget.

Can you swap some of the berries cherry tomatoes, and prep cucumber/carrot sticks and little hummus/tatziki pots?

And for what it's worth, I don't think you sound like a mean wicked step mother at all.

Good luck with your new family of four.

What time is the evening meal being served? Maybe she's hungry between school and the evening meal.

If your husband is PT is he spending plenty of time with her?

@Violasaremyfavourite

It's a tricky situation isn't it.

And shows how awfully sad these blended families can be.

I know a few children who have ended up in Foster care or with grandparents because their own parents have split up, moved on and don't want the annoying older relic from the first poorly thought out union ruining their chance of happiness in the next.

It's not a surprise that a step partner causes harm to the children who already exist.

Personally i wonder if ops partner was wise starting a new family lime this and should have thrown himself into supporting the child he has and getting her to at least early teens before thinking of starting again

You need to try and keep patience and tackle this calmly OP.
The amount of fruit you describe your DSD eating in one day is too much. However you could tackle this by using suggestions given by other posters rather than stopping buying fruit altogether until DH gets a grip, which is just making the problem bigger.
Buy fruit like berries in smaller amounts and try portioning them out. Use more apples and pears, and introduce more chopped up cucumber peppers celery and carrots as a substitute for fruit. Maybe balance the fruit/veg with hummus or dip or yogurt/custard/chia pudding if this makes it more satisfying? Involve DSD in sharing, portioning and preparing food/snacks. Suggest food and snacks are eaten at the table more often.
Could you improve the protein and variety in your DSD’s diet so she is more satisfied with other food? Another PP suggested hard boiled eggs, cheese and crackers, small cubes of chicken and salad? or simply give her her main meal earlier?
if this child has recently come to live with you full time, then a new family dynamic is being formed. It’s obviously a lot for you with your new baby, but loving bonds now will bring dividends for 20 years. Of course you are right that it’s not good for a child to be greedily scoffing large amounts of any food. But you don’t want food to be a battleground either.

We've actually done this with our 5 year old, last summer everytime we went in the garden he and our 1 ye old cleared all the blackberries and raspberries on our bushes 😂 free snack!

Ops reasoning and resentment are off but also someone should be spending enough time with a 7 year old to help prepare them a snack. Both mine love grapes, they would eat a punnet, they would then get diarrhea! So if they ask for grapes I make them a wee snack plate with crackers, grated cheese and grapes. Or they also love berries, they get a snack of berries, a few dollops of yoghurt and a handful of wholegrain cereal or muesli.

The problem with fruit is it's not desparately filling on its own.

The problem with op is she's really more annoyed she's having to feed or bother with a child that isn't hers. If she was really worried about health she and her husband would be working on strategies like this to help her stepdaughter eat a more varied diet. The child would almost definitely also appreciate the effort and time spent preparing a snack and hanging out with her wile she eats it.

Whil my toddler napped yesterday I made my 5 year old a 'picky plate' and hot chocolate and we watched a Disney movie. Kept him quiet so she could sleep and he loved the one on one time and snack foods.

You could try subbing in carrot sticks, cucumber etc to start of dh won't police her grazing

Fruit is expensive. We have the rule that no more than 2 banana per day, they can eat as much apples and pears as they like but the berries etc are specifically for meals which an adult dishes out so everyone can have some.

I agree with the PP who makes a comment that the OP states she is a 'high earner' so why begrudge the cost of fruit. Yes, I get that you are on mat leave but surely 'high earners' have built up a buffer of savings so that the cost of a few punnets of berries isn't really a problem . Seriously, if it's such an issue just stop buying so much fruit and also install 'set' meal and snack times with clear guidance on what is considered 'help yourself'. Unless you live in a mansion presumably as a family you are spending time together (esp as you are on mat leave) so why is your DSD constantly grazing?

Stepmothers always get a hard time on here but you have taken in a 7 year old when you have a new baby, you deserve credit for not only coping with that but funding therapy for her.

It's too much fruit - bad for her teeth, likely to give her the runs. Buy cheaper fruit and encourage her to have youghurt, wholemeal toast, carrots or popcorn as a snack.

No, it's not good for her, nor healthy. This is crazy, a shit ton of sugar. Also, you have a DH problem.

She's 7, you are the adult so you say- "DSD, that's enough fruit now- your dinner will be ready soon."

I'd say 3 portions of fruit a day are enough.

But he is not looking after the baby or his 7 yr old- OP is on maternity leave and doing what every new mum is doing, 7 year old i assume is most of the day in the goverment care aka school. Why is he not working full time m,dripping random cash there and there is not enough with 2 kids and why is he not getting child mainteinance from the childs mother?

Right now it looks these 2 are letting OP pay for their child. The child is not the problem her irresponsible parents are, fruit is least of your problems as time goes on she will need clothes,shoes,school trip money etc