Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

Her DF needs to stop this as it is too expensive and very bad for her teeth.

The cost shouldn't really matter for food, don't have kids if you can't afford to feed them

It might be more appropriate to address this nasty comment to the child's actual mother who has seemingly abdicated any responsibility for the kid she had, @Jemandthehologramsunite not the child's stepmother, who has actually stepped up to care for her DH's child, and shows compassion & concern about how best to nurture another woman's child.

I also have the same issue with step daughter who is 8.

I wouldn’t mind, but like you my concern is the cost and when It come to making my two children their lunches there will be absolutely nothing left.

The last straw was when she ate 6 satsumas, 4 bananas, a punnet of strawberries and 3 pears in a day. She would take it upstairs without anybody seeing so we were unaware.

I have now bought a small plastic basket and at the beginning of the day, fill it up with fruit and snacks and let her help herself. She knows when everything is gone from the basket, that is it. This has been very effective and she now even eats her diner!

Costs wise my DD eats a lot of fruit but has a bit of a stone fruits allergy unfortunately including apples. Frozen fruit is a lot cheaper for berries / mango.

Portions wise - could you gently explain that she can't just eat all the fruit because you buy it to last a few days for the whole family so it's unfair if it's all gone - so to get her into good habits you will put her fruit into a Tupperware (whatever) in the fridge and that's her portion for the day to be eaten as snacks and you will give her fruit for breakfast / dinner as well. You could do it for all of you so she doesn't feel singled out. Either that or say she needs to ask for snacks not help herself.

I understand it's a delicate situation but even friends of mine who have adopted children with difficult backgrounds say that treating them exactly the same as the rest of the family is the best way. Including family rules. As long as it doesn't appear she is being treated differently I think it's fine to set boundaries.

Can't believe people are defending this insane amount of fruit consumption purely because she's a stepchild.
This amount of fruit is not good for anyone! No wonder she has a bad belly.

If not, perhaps you need to look at a twice weekly shop for fruit and veg.*

Or, they could set some home rules regarding food and sort it that way.

Who wants to schlep to the shops twice a week? Especially with a baby in tow.

What I got from "greedy" is OP saying, with all the other food and meals served, she would not expect DD to be hungry. Not a great word choice but for our info.

Can you eat too much fruit? If it's upsetting your stomach, yes. If it's damaging your teeth, yes. If it's bringing your calorie intake too high, yes. I wouldn't calorie count with children, but it's worth knowing an approximate intake for anything they are eating in great volume.

Fruit's not magic. It's nice but you can't live on it, and making it 2/3 of your child's diet would be an unusual choice. Could be the best available solution to sensory issues or food refusal. But you would not start by assuming these are the issues when a child has a history of binge eating sugar.

YANBU. This is why I don't let my DD help herself to food, she has to ask first. It is totally reasonable to have limits.

Your DH needs to respect your opinion more given you're the bread winner, the one on mat leave, and have taken on his child with 0 child support. Or he needs to get a better paid job if he wants her to be able to eat more than is affordable.

OP is not the bad guy. She's footing the bill here. DH needs to get a proper job and start parenting. Poor girl has little support from her biological parents.

Gosh, @Katey83 you've had a hard time on this thread. Your OP shows how thoughtful and care-full you are being.

Your DSD's mother is clearly culpable here - indulging her DD and then giving up any financial (or it seems, parental) responsibility for her. Well done to you & your DH in giving her a secure home, where you actually care about her health!

A pragmatic practical suggestion for berries - get yourself to Iceland, and buy frozen berries. Not so good to eat straightaway, but they are wonderful in yoghurt - semi-thawed in thick Greek yoghurt, they're like ice cream.

And maybe buy fruit daily, and make it clear that it's to be shared. Show her how her portion of shared household food looks. At 7, she's just about old enough to know about fairness and sharing. Also about 'sensible food' first, then fruit as pudding.

But your situation sounds tough, and maybe your DH needs to step up more? It sounds as though he's on eggshells with his own DD, in terms of her adaptation to changing households completely. Does she see her mother at all?

I hope your DH is pulling his weight with both his children and the household. It sounds as though you've individually taken on an inordinately difficult load - new baby, new DSD, and together you need your DH to be on your side about his DD's eating.

If either of you smoke or drink alcohol on a regular basis, YABU.

If not, perhaps you need to look at a twice weekly shop for fruit and veg.

She's so little. My kids aren't allowed to help themselves, they always ask first. We also have the rule if you've had that today then you don't get a second one. A banana, a bag of crisps, an apple etc. They always ask first. Two pieces of fruit a day is plenty otherwise their teeth will be absolutely shot! Veg sticks, crackers, etc and a good expectation of eating their three meals a day and not replacing it with snacks.

Let them eat fruit.

katey83 is she drinking much? I crave fruit when I’m actually dehydrated. Also there are episodes when I would reach out for anything handy and easy to just eat without fuss if there was a bowl of chocolate or sweets or nuts, whatever appears in abundance unless it’s out of sight/easy reach so you could help her by offering alternatives, distractions (maybe routine of board games), and keeping just a daily amount readily available or even say bought you this fruit today as I know you love it .

It's greedy to excessively eat anything, including fruit. This isn't blaming the child as I'm sure she is seeking comfort from sweet foods, but doesn't make it less frustrating. OP has asked if anyone has any advice on how to approach it compassionately, yet ironically most responses are anything but. Its not always the kindest option to just let children do as they please.

This, people just love to pick .

No for eating the entire week’s fruit supply in 2 days. That’s not normal and she’s clearly having issues.

totally agree. Poor girl, she is only 7 and step mum calls her greedy for eating fruit..

I feel sorry for her. I think she’s comfort eating due to the situ with her Mum and tbh it’s much better to choose fruit than chocolate! I’d consider getting her some counselling, I don’t know the ins and outs of why her Mum no longer sees her but it’s hard for children to suddenly have no contact with one parent and I’d argue even harder when it’s their Mum. Go easy on her.

I wouldn’t stop buying fruit or hide it, you just need to teach her self-regulation and address whatever anxieties she’s dealing with. She needs to learn to eat a bit of fruit every day but she didn’t eat the whole week’s worth in 2.

Don’t buy crisps and chocolate as no-one needs to eat that. Some chocolate biscuits in the cupboard is all that’s necessary.

For fuck’s sake… 🤦🏼‍♀️

This is basic parenting - your posts suggests you think this is The young child’s fault, when clearly it’s the fault of the adults.

your husband isn’t prepared to parent this child. Of course that is too much fruit for her to eat. Your husband seems to lack basic adult logic and reasoning. Has he done any basic research on child nutrition. As he is in effect the sat at home parent and as this is his child not yours I would expect him to step up and be an adult.

poor kid - you sound irritated by her and her dad sounds a bit useless.

That poor kid. Taken away from her mum and her home, put into a situation where dad's focus is on new baby with someone else who calls her greedy. Of course she's turned to something for comfort and you're lucky it's just fruit. Too much is bad for stomach and teeth. She needs help to support her come to terms with these huge changes, not disapproving criticism.

This place might be a bit too nuanced for you.

When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud as dh can see how unhealthy it is. I want to handle this in a compassionate way, would I be unreasonable to stop buying fruit until dh agrees to a sensible ration for dsd?

YABVU

You say that she gorged on sweets when she first came and so she obviously has a bit of an eating disorder.
Its great that she’s gone from that to now fruit.

The absolute worst thing you can do to someone who gorges or binges is to restrict their food.

If she went from living with her mum to living with her dad full time then it’s possible proper eating habits or nutrition weren’t as good as they could be.

I wouldn’t stop buying fruit but I would focus on the cheaper, more filling fruits such as apples, oranges and bananas and have the others as more of a treat.
I would also make carrot and cucumber sticks and tell her these can be eaten whenever.

Also do let her have sweets on the weekend as it’s important to have treats.

My mum was very restrictive with our food and I developed i bulimia and a binge eating disorder which I struggled with for years.
I then was quite restrictive with junk food with my DD thinking that this was best but then she started copying my unhealthy eating habits, so I had to make a change.

I would buy crisps and chocolate and tell her (and myself) that it was for the week and it was up to her if she ate it all in one go or made it last throughout the week.
For a long time she’d binge on it but eventually she’d decide she was full or know she’s going to want some the next day and save some.

Now she doesn’t need to even think about it because she knows it’s there and she can have it if she wants and quite often ends up not eating it at all.

Its very psychological and restricting any food makes our brains go into panic mode and need to binge on it.