my partners smell is really getting me down

OP, does he work? You have not answered this question.

do you have kids together?

leave. he sounds vile

Unless there’s a huge drip feed here (around special needs, or poverty) showering once a week is disgusting. It indicates a serious mental health issue OP… are they displaying any other symptoms of a mental crisis?

The reason that brushing his teeth doesn't stop his breath smelling is because his teeth are rotting. Brushing your teeth removes rotten debris, if it's your teeth that are rotting no amount of brushing can remove that. He needs to see a dentist.

The soap is slightly damp or I maybe will dampen the soap a bit.

Do you not need to be wet first for the soap to lather up? Not critiquing just genuinely interested!

This is the kind of issue that is totally solvable with better communication.

The OP has had several discussions with stinkypoo about his personal hygiene. Its in the OP @Takemehome7 - We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene.

What do you suggest?

I'm a really lazy person so I feel daunted before I go for a shower.

But I put all the soap on by the sink before I go in and then just go in to wash it off. It only takes a few minutes.

Let us know how you get on @gjkufbb .

You could even say 'I used to really love your smell when you used to shower regularly, but now you don't shower every day, it's a real turn off. If you shower every day I might eventually feel like sex with you again.'

I’m really not sure how you can stand it. And it will present horrible hygiene risks for a newborn. You both deserve so much better.

I tell my OH if he has morning breath and honestly wont have a kiss if its rank. If you are partners you should be able to tell him. Like if I come home from work and I'm a bit sweaty he'll say ew you stink, and I would do the same. Its offensive to be smelly. I tell my kids too

You've only been together 4 years and aren't even married ew ew ew. I'd be thinking of ending it, you shouldn't be grossed out by your bf and have a none existent sex life after 4 years, i mean you shouldnt be grossed out fullstop. He might be nice but he's meant to be your boyfriend not your smelly housemate. Get rid.

If you can’t be honest and tell your partner of 4 years that they stink then I’m not giving your relationship great odds anyway.

I had a chat with mine very early on in our relationship that I need him to be honest if there’s something I need to know. Do I look ridiculous in an outfit, do I stink, do I have a bit of food stuck in my teeth, etc. I do the same for him… that sweatshirt is starting to smell, that shirt is too tight, your eyebrows need trimmed.

None of this is said in a mean way…just matter-of-fact information that the other needs. Ok I do kid him about his eyebrows tapping me on the shoulder but he makes the same joke so I think we’re ok.

Oh for goodness sake.

This is the kind of issue that is totally solvable with better communication.

I hate how readily everyone on MN says "LTB!!!!!" In a lifelong relationship you're going to encounter MUCH bigger issues than this. You can't just tell people to "leave" at every single thing.

Just that really. We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene. It doesn't seem to sink in.

"I have asked you numerous times to wash and brush your teeth. I'm ending this relationship because, quite frankly, you smell, you disrespect me and I don't fancy you any more because your personal hygiene is woeful and not normal." is all you need to say.

God, end it. I'm surprised you haven't already

You've been together 4 years. You don't have sec and you don't sleep in the sane bed.

I'm sure you've posted about this before. Just leave, it's not what I'd call a good relationship. He can't even be bothered to wash.

Is he trying to get you to dump him?

I'd say something like... 'I've noticed things have changed. Your behavour is different, have you noticed that? Like you only have a shower once a week now whereas before it was almost every day?'
Anything could be going on. He could be trying to 'save' water because he cares about the planet and is obsessed with climate change.

Yeah I remember you posting too. I think the question is really why are YOU trying to find a reason to stay?

do you love him, are you scared to be a single parent, are you trauma bonded, are you overly sympathetic to other people’s plights? What’s going on with you that you’re trying to excuse all his behaviour?

He showers once a week? What must his nether regions, feet, armpits smell like? Leave him OP. This will not get better.

You were hurt when the below happened though weren't you? But he has continued to prioritise his own laziness over your happiness and fairness.

We don't have dc yet but I'm pregnant. As I've been out of action for a while yet still trying to do as much as I can. Rather than think 'I'll pick up the slack whilst she's not well' he seems to think 'well I'm not cleaning up if she isn't'

So as I lay here dying from the flu I've just had to scrub the bathroom, hoover and change all the beds and it's floored me. I appreciate it's not all men but boy am I fed up

You've given him ultimatums / big chats before if I recall correctly? I think you need to really think about whether you can bear to be with someone who respects you so little you aren't worth, in their eyes, a daily shower and teeth brushing. And whether you want your child to grow up witnessing someone who has such little respect for you and the happiness / comfort of the rest of the household.

Because it doesn't sound like he's going to change tbh and it sounds like you're too focused on not hurting his feelings rather than focusing on his lack of respect for you and the household.

If you can smell him, so can your kids. So can their mates. They won't want to have friends over when they're older due to being embarrassed. They won't think it's normal for men and women to do their equal share of chores, because they've grown up watching him take the piss and you bear the brunt of everything.

You deserve more and so do they.

Having said that, I just wouldn't blurt it out to anyone, but I'd feel comfortable addressing it with my DH, a good friend or a relative.

@gjkufbb you can say it with kindness though. I'd personally want to know if I stank, and whilst I'd be mortified, it wouldn't be with the person who told me.

He has zero respect for you.

Leave him.