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AIBU?

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Original poster

my partners smell is really getting me down

189 replies

gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 18:46

Just that really. We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene. It doesn't seem to sink in.
I don't think he's depressed, he only showers once a week - if I'm lucky. He has terrible breath even if he brushed his teeth twice a day and I'm not sure why it's so bad.

I don't want to be near him and I feel awful about it. We have a great relationship otherwise. Genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Am I unreasonable if I'm brutally honest with him and tell him it's getting to me this much? Or should I just suck it up 😣

OP posts:
BathshebaKnickerStickers · 29/04/2023 20:51

I had major abdominal surgery 9 days ago. I showered every day even in hospital with my drains and my catheter because I needed that for my physical and mental well-being.

If he is having severe MH problems, a daily shower etc can be the start of the turn around

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 29/04/2023 20:49

I think he sounds depressed and try to talk to him to see his gp is the first step and take it from there. It does sound as if he is very low and maybe talking will help him to open up.

Nousernamesleftatall · 29/04/2023 20:48

Not unreasonable at all. Whenever I meet people in a relationship who stink, I never understand why they are not told by their partner. It’s gross. Tell him. It’s your duty to tell him, if he doesn’t change leave. He must know though: Ugh.

Isthisexpected · 29/04/2023 20:47

Given you've talked to him about it before I can only assume he wants to end the relationship but doesn't have the courage so is pushing you to do it by being as gross as possible.

FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:46

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FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:45

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misslooloo · 29/04/2023 20:45

If his oral hygiene is bad it’s likely he needs to see a hygienist at the detail surgery. Brushing won’t change anything if it’s too far gone. Plaque build up, etc.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this. It sounds grim. He might not be depressed but there is obviously something going on mentally. X

Katey83 · 29/04/2023 20:44

Just tell him. When my partner or I have had a sweaty day, or eaten something strong, and are a bit stinky, we say, ‘babe, you smell - go and shower/brush your teeth.’ Then we do it. No big deal. It’s just polite to be hygienic and fragrant for your intimate partner.

RandomMess · 29/04/2023 20:44

Sometimes ASD is a blessing I told then DP "ew you stink"

FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:43

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mercymercymeme · 29/04/2023 20:42

It's laziness. No excuse in my opinion. Set an alarm for him everyday at the same time, e.g 7:30am and tell him he has to have a shower.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/04/2023 20:41

TBF I've gone through stages when the thought of showering really upset me. The idea of stipping naked, standing in the water, touching my own body really upset me. Perhaps he does have a mental blocker that he's worried to admit?

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:40

An electric toothbrush is better too. But if his breath stinks maybe he needs to see a dentist- we should go regularly anyway.

Or maybe he's lying about brushing his teeth?

FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:40

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Original poster
gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 20:39

He doesn't give an excuse. Just says yeah I know, sorry I'll be better... then doesn't. I think it's just laziness if I'm honest

OP posts:
HVPRN · 29/04/2023 20:39

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I was thinking this!

FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:38

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Original poster
gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 20:35

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Thank you! I'll definitely give them a look

OP posts:
Original poster
gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 20:34

Yes he works, we work together. And we have a child on the way. Not as easy as LTB. I'm going to sit him down tonight and be brutally honest. It's really bothering me today couldn't even be in the car without the window down 😣

OP posts:
FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:33

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SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/04/2023 20:29

When DH and I first moved in together I realised that he didn't shower as much as I did because he claimed he didn't smell. Admittedly he wasn't as stinky as some men I've met, but after 2 days with no shower he was ripe.
We had a really frank conversation and I said that basically if he couldn't sort it out I would leave. I still call him out if he's skipped brushing his teeth or something and won't let him near me until he sorts it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/04/2023 20:25

Why on earth would you suck it up? No one wants to be with someone who shows no consideration for them. I’d give him an ultimatum - start washing daily and go to the dentist (It’ll be a gum or tooth infection), or you’re out.

inadarkdarkhouseinadarkdarkstreet · 29/04/2023 20:25

If you are keen for the relationship to survive you have to be firm, now. If this behaviour is down to eccentricity, it will likely get worse with age. I have a relative like this, they think washing is terrible for the skin and everyone is far too clean these days. I think they have one bath a week, and I may be overestimating. It's obvious when they're post day two of bathing.😷

Merangutan · 29/04/2023 20:18

The breath could be lack of flossing, lack of tongue brushing or - most likely - tonsil stones.

You don’t have to remain with someone who is so unhygienic it makes you feel a bit queasy. You’re a partner, not a carer.

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 20:18

You can have a friendly and genuine chat. It’s possible to say anything nicely if you try hard enough.

Failing that” get in the shower stink arse”

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