my partners smell is really getting me down

Both DH and I shower twice a day- morning and bedtime

Jesus what a waste of water. Nobody needs to shower twice a day unless they're doing a huge load of physical labour, or it's the height of summer.

he sounds like a very lazy man. Not just with his personal hygeine.

you said We have a great relationship otherwise. He is lazy, doesnt walk the dogs, doesnt wash, doesnt sleep with you, doesnt care you cannot stand the smell. In what way is it a great relationship?

how much house work is he doing? How much cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping…?

I heard bad breath was often more to do with diet or skipping breakfast. Or not enough water.

Once a week is properly grim. Sit him down and tell him you and to have the car window open and can’t go near him, pregnancy or not. If he can’t shower daily or every other day then you can’t trust him to not pass on skin infection to the baby or look after the babies hygiene.

agree he needs probiotics to help with the bad breath.

I used to tell an ex boyfriend to shower if he hadn't that day and had been at work then travelled to see me.
Tbf he would occasionally tell me to brush my teeth for longer ..
But I was mid twenties or something. Not sure I'd be able to tell someone to shower now. Just seems weird and too stressful.

Re. the breath thing, he needs to floss and/or use interdental brushes as well as brushing otherwise all the crap will be stinking between his teeth.

Get him some of this, my best friends partner had terrible bad breath, even after brushing, eating mints etc and his doctor recommended this. And tell him that he stinks, don't be coy or subtle, that's clearly not working. Be honest, tell him that's the reason you can't stand being intimate with him and it's killing the love for you. If he can't manage to shower, at least have a good wash and put some deodorant on. In 16 years together, I can honestly count on one hand the number of times my husband has had B.O, they were all when he's been unwell as he showers every day normally. I couldn't stand it if he stank

Well what he’s doing isn’t working is it? Most adults shower first or last thing. For whatever reason he isn’t.

What do you suggest?

Having a baby makes more obvious solutions less practical.

Divorce- tricky as they aren't married!

This is why I divorced my ex husband because the stench eventually makes you lose the will to live. How hard is it to go to the dentist and have a shower. I expect he has a massive build up of plaque that needs removing by a hygienist.
A divorce petition should wake him up. Or maybe not.

You'd be surprised by how many men /women don't wash before work.

Oh FGS!

It's not her job to micro manage his showering times. He's a bloody adult man not a child.

Why assume he needs telling when to shower? He clearly doesn't want to or he'd find the time.

Both DH and I shower twice a day- morning and bedtime. We don't want to go to work smelly or to bed smelly. Bums, groins, feet, armpits all need at least one shower a day.

No adult needs to be told this.

God, just leave. You can't be with someone who smells so bad you can't bear to sleep with them.

How about if he showers at a different time of day. At lunchtime or when dinner is cooking?
If it’s cause he’s not a morning person it might work.

He needs to brush his teeth and floss. He is likely to have gum disease. I’d start by seeing a dentist.

How do you even know its once a week? I life's really busy? Are you just around when he comes out the shower ?

Hard to understand how you could bear to have sex with him to make a baby!

It's best to get your relationship sorted before bringing a child into your lives.

Seriously, why on earth did you get pregnant when you've been with this man (who hasn't changed) and doesn't seem able to?

You must be living in a fantasy world.

I used to meet up with someone that was obviously an occasional bath person, but what really annoyed me is that he would actually meet me and we would be doing something like the cinema or even the theatre going out for a meal in public places and he would sometimes choose to meet me and not have bathed or showered beforehand !! and it's sheer laziness and nothing else.
He'd say stuff like oh sometimes I think ill make an effort get néw clothes do my hair? But obv never did. It gets embarrassing when someone smells of body odur unless it's the depth of winter..
It felt personal as fine if you can't be bothered while doing nothing at home. But when you have arranged to go out. How could you just avoid washing. Once if your late fair enough as a one off. Like not washing hair. But obvious numerous times nope!!

Crikey your standards are low OP. This is the life you have chosen though so my advice is to just get on with it. You obviously have sex with him if you are pregnant. Wouldn't be for me. It's going to get harder with a baby so buckle up.

Long term depression or not. Showering once a week is beyond redemption.

I always wonder about this sort of scenario. There is a dude at our local gym, he comes in stinking to high heaven and he works out and the whole place beyond stinks. It’s really bad, and I always wonder how his wife deals with it and quite frankly the shame of it. I’d be horrified. I just couldn’t.

“Why why why why why have you started a new life with this complete waste of space OP?”

The only question worth asking on this whole thread.

Another poor innocent kid brought into a fucked up relationship with a useless, minging, waste-of-space father and a mother who thought it was a good idea to procreate with him… very sad.

👏 precisely. People come here for support and they don't need your black and white strategies.

I can understand struggling with self-care when depressed - but when I am at my worst, on the days when just getting up is a challenge, and showering is way beyond me, I use body wipes and just wash my hair. I also use a really good antiperspirant - Mitchum - which makes a big difference. I sit down to clean my teeth - anything to stretch out what little energy and motivation I do have.

There are ways to cope, but he needs to accept he has an issue, and commit to learning how to manage things, so the important things get done.

I also searched up your username and had actually commented on the thread about brushing twice a day. You said your partner brushes every other day. So 6, nearly 7 months later and nothing has changed?

Why doesn’t he have any self respect for himself and just brush his bloody teeth?! Does laziness mean that you don’t shower, brush your teeth or even take care of yourself?! I have no advice but doubt he’s going to change. You knew he was like this and you’re now having a baby with him. Good luck because you’re going to need it🤞

This.