my partners smell is really getting me down

@blackhare I suggest she treats him like an adult, not a child who needs to be told when to shower.

That for me, would be an ultimatum that he starts washing himself and getting his teeth sorted, or I'd leave. You can't change anyone- you can only change how you react to their behaviour.

In fact I'd have left ages ago, not got pregnant and realised this was not a man I wanted to be with let alone have his child.

With him showering once a week, does he actually smell (apart from his breath)?

The bad breath could be a possible rotten tooth or he could be suffering from gastric problems.

Erm I once had a friend many years ago who thought it was fine to stink even her flat smelt of her dirty sweat so I stopped visiting and safe to say she moved away so I didn't have to say I didn't particularly want to be friends anymore lol. There's 7 in our house everyone showers and baths daily infact hubby and son twice a day usually. And I wish they used a little less toothpaste the amount that falls into the sink and on taps 🤣

Exactly.

So gross, makes my skin crawl just reading it ! Get rid !

Has this alwys been the case?

this could be a cry for help……

wether it is a cry for help or not, be open and frank.

Nope. I had to finish with one ex when I realised I was having to wash the sofa cushions to get rid of the smell. No amount of "I've put clean towels out so you can have a shower, here's a brand new toothbrush", "Ooh I’m all sweaty, gonna jump in the shower. D'you wanna join me?" ever worked. He was just a dirty, smelly bastard. I wouldn’t sleep in the same bed as him much less have sex. He went in the bin, where he belongs 🤮

Has he had covid or another virus in the 4 years you have been together? Maybe he has lost his sense of smell? He may not realise how bad he is.

She had sex with him on Shower Day.

In the past when people didn't bathe daily they would at least give their underarm and genitals a wash to keep them clean and stop them smelling - I highly doubt he's doing that.

He is grim OP. Just tell him that you're fed up with his smell and you don't want to be near him when he smells that bad - and follow through. Don't get in the car with him, don't sit on the sofa next to him or even in the same room, don't even have your dinner with him.

No need to tell him to shower, just make it clear you won't tolerate the bad smell around you - his choice what to do with that information.

Where's the neurodiversity crowd tonight? They'd normally be all over this like a layer of fluffy, fragrant soap bubbles.

Unusually for me, I'm going to hypothesise that this guy might have some sort of autism-related disorder, which prevents him being able to organise his life outside of work and involves some hyper-sensitivities making it unpleasant to shower.

If that were so, some alternative strategies might hypothetically help, such as:

• Bath instead of shower
• Anti-bacterial wipes instead of either. You can swipe yourself while in the loo, so minimum hassle
• Clean clothes every day. Most BO, believe it or not, is due to skanky clothes

• Sugar-free chewing gum. It contains xylitol, which combats mouth bacteria
• Apples! For some reason, they often get rid of bad breath
• Mouthwash. Easier than brushing, and at least he'd get some fluoride

• Finally, no-one should have to micro-manage their spouse. But if he does have a 'programming' disorder and the relationship is genuinely good, it would be worth sitting down together and going through aaaaalll the things you do to keep the family running. Divide these tasks in a way you both think fair. Then (sorry) you'll have to make a big kitchen chart with all these tasks clearly marked by day, time and person.

I kind of doubt the validity of this hypothesis. But, here you are, @gjkufbb, a potentially constructive reply!

@raycampi

However, I don't believe someone stinks after a week.

What? Unless the person is ensuring they wash their pits, bits and everything else, they are going to smell. The OPs partner manages to shower once a week, and according to the OP stinks. Doubt he is stood at the sink washing his pits and bits every day.

However, I don't believe someone stinks after a week.

I stink after a night of sweating in bed. People can smell me.

When we were young people only bathed once a week. Nobody smelt!

Really?

I just can't believe that that business will be successful when he has that kind of attitude.

This. It’s not the OP’s ‘job’ to tell him when to shower, it’s not her ‘job’ to change the bed because he CHOOSES to be unhygienic and not shower as was said upthread. It’s BASIC hygiene for goodness sake. Honestly, I’m beginning to wonder how many people on MN actually have to point out to their OH’s/partners/wives/husbands to wash. As for a grown adult not to brush their teeth that’s disgusting. Showering and brushing of teeth are very basic life skills!

Why would you bring a child to into a situation that their parent can’t carry out basic day to day hygiene?

How on earth did you get pregnant? The thought of having sex with someone who smells makes me heave?

You chose to have a child with this lacklustre, sour-smelling, second-rate lazy arse of a human? Do you think he will magically step up when he becomes a father? Big, big gamble! This guy isn't even doing the bare minimum when a baby is clearly coming down the line

It depends on the person. You could smell a bit after a hour if you did some exercise or cleaning round the house. Or had too many clothes on and hadn't yet showered.
It's not about how long, it's about what you doing.
Being stressed or anxious can often make you sweat and in turn smell.

Absolutely

I think we should all shower daily.

However, I don't believe someone stinks after a week.

When we were young people only bathed once a week. Nobody smelt!

I think you have to talk to him straight.

But I think you'd also better start making plans how to survive on your own, unless you think you can endure him being like this forever.

We have a great relationship otherwise.

OP genuinely - not snarkily, I'm trying to understand the whole picture - what makes the relationship great?

How did you manage to conceive a child with this man?

You really do need to tell him that unless he starts showering daily you're leaving him.

Have a late termination because the father is shit. How very mumsnet.

This man has no respect for you or himself. He will never change, and he will never care enough about you to make the changes needed to save your relationship.

You will be a single mother, and the sooner you grasp this, the better. It's a tragedy that your standards have been so low for so long, and the very last concern in your mind should be for him. If it's too late for a termination, you need to quickly figure out how you're going to handle your future.