my partners smell is really getting me down

Well, I wouldn't be sucking anything up with such poor hygiene. I don't think that i'd be touching anything either to be honest.
Have you considered installing a sheep dip next to the back door?

In the early 1970's as small children we only had a bath once or twice a week but our mum's always gave us a good head to toe wash every day.Thank God for the convenience of daily showers now.

@Magenta65 - I actually think we are agreeing more than we think we are! Clearly we both think cleanliness and hygiene are important - we differ only in how that can be achieved. Where you will have a shower, even if it takes an hour, and may leave you with a lot less energy for the rest of the day, I will have a sit-down, pits and bits wipe with a body wipe, stand to wash my hair, and then sit down again to clean my teeth, so I have a bit more energy later in the day for stuff - we budget our energy differently, that's all.

As you said, there is no indication that the OP's husband has depression or any other condition that would make the activities of daily living a struggle - but even if he did, he could find work-arounds that would still mean he was clean and sweet smelling - and it is deeply selfish and nasty that he does not.

I'd know I'd be hurt if somebody told me I stank.

@gjkufbb

But would you ever go for a week without a wash, though?

His breath smells because he has issues with his gums or teeth, so needs to go to the dentist.
And he needs to shower, daily.
Tell him.

As you've already told him, and he hasn't changed his habits, I doubt he will
He doesn't care about himself and doesn't care about you either
The fact he absolutely stinks suggests to me that he doesn't actually use soap etc weekly either
I'd want to get myself and my pure newborn away and I can't believe your relationship is great otherwise

Does he actually know he/his breath smells?
I've definitely pushed my DH to shower before (mainly during lockdown when he wasn't working and got abit slack) and told him if his breath smells abit funny.I expect him to set me straight and be honest about those things with me too if there's ever an issue!

If you've raised it, been honest and he still doesn't bother sorting it (especially the washing) then he is clearly a lazy sod.

As regards the breath though, if his brushing his teeth 2x a day it sounds like it's not his fault but maybe he needs to use mouthwash aswell? (This works for my DH) or else brush his tongue, or use an electric toothbrush/better toothpaste? If these ideas don't work best he goes to the dentist.

How do you have a great relationship otherwise if you can't even be near him?

He needs to shower every day and go to the dentist.

YANBU

I'd leave him!

He's got no pride, no respect for you. He should be showering once a day. He probably needs to brush his tongue, and floss his teeth. I couldn't be with someone so dirty

@Portandlemonade I did read all the posts but I only read reference to his breath regards the smell. The reason I asked was because if he is having washes in between and doesn't actually smell (his body) then does it really matter if it's just once a week?

I have always found the concept of showering every day to be excessive. I wouldn't have the time, energy or inclination to do this every day. It is possible to have a quick wash.

I agree with those who say that having a mental health or physical condition can make personal hygiene extremely difficult. The signs of depression are not always obvious but a lack of personal care is definitely one of them.

I too have chronic health conditions and mobility issues, and have previously suffered with mental health issues that have made cleanliness hard but I made sure to shower each day, at some point, and brush my teeth. It’s a 10 minute task but I understand on my worst days it can be an hour or more etc. I’m not blind to peoples struggles but from the OPs comments her partner is not someone who suffers with these issues, just a busy schedule, but to not shower for a week is ridiculous. In 7 days I’m sure he can find the time.

Some slow people don't have it in them to have a quick shower. Say 10 minutes instead of 5..
I can't get my head round that, as I like to have the time deadline to rush about. Or else I'd just be lying about in bed.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius we definitely are agreeing ❤️

Yeh I brushed my teeth so late last night.
And showered at lunchtime today lol
Don't think I'd wanna shower at 1am though.

I don’t think you understand what it is like to have any sort of condition that causes chronic tiredness - including depression, @Magenta65. Obviously someone who is in good health will be able to have a quick shower, but on my worst days I start out with almost no energy whatsoever.

‘Spoons theory’ explains this well - spoons = energy, and every daily task takes a certain number of spoons. Healthy people start the day with plenty of spoons, so using a few of them to have a shower is no big deal - but someone like me can start the day with only a few spoons, so I have to be very careful about how I spend those spoons.

That said, there are ways around it, as I said - but you do need to acknowledge that you have an issue with the energy for daily self care, and be proactive about finding the work-around that keep you clean enough and smelling nice.

It takes all of ten minutes to shower and brush your teeth, I’m sorry but that’s pure laziness! Even if I’ve been manic all day, before jumping into bed I’ll have a quick 5 minute shower, pits and bits as they say and know I’m fresh for tomorrow. I’d be quite frank and tell him change or leave. Imagine him holding a fresh newborn, I’m sorry but he’s disgusting

Apologies, @Tessabelle74. I think we are actually agreeing.

I'm just stating that the old "no one washed every day in the good old days and we didn't stink" is wrong. People did stink but they had less options to do anything about. The OP's partner isn't struggling like you are, he's just lazy and doesn't care about anyone around him. I hope you're soon up to full strength and feeling better 💐

But in those days pretty much everyone would have smelt the same, so you probably didn’t notice as much, @Tessabelle74, whereas now most people wash much more frequently, so those that don’t are much more obvious.

As I said yesterday, I can empathise with people who don’t have the energy or motivation to shower every day - thanks to depression, insomnia, long covid and being overweight, I have very little energy, and sometimes I struggle to get out of bed, let alone shower and dress. But I know this is my issue, and I wouldn’t want it to impact on other people, so I have found the things I can do, on the really bad days, so I am still clean and fragrant. I use wet wipes for a sit down wash of the pits and bits, then I wash my hair with a 2 in 1 shampoo, so it’s quick, and I use a really good antiperspirant (unscented) and a nice perfume. And I change my clothes.

Not up on your history are you? Regular baths or showers are a very modern thing, as is deodorant. Even watching fairly contemporary programmes like Call the Midwife will show you the living conditions for many right up to the 60's. Communal toilets, no hot running water, washing clothes with a tub etc. People stank. The clean ones had a strip wash every day, but clothes would smell as they weren't washed as often as now. It's only with the invention of the twin tub and most houses having access to regular hot water and internal bathrooms that hygiene has improved. The reason you don't remember anyone stinking when you were a child is simply because you don't remember a time without a hot tap in your house and a washing machine.

Yea but you had a bloody good wash wish soap and a flannel each day. I very much doubt he's doing that.

Also agree with the PP who said you have very low standards OP. He's shown you clearly that he doesn't care enough to keep clean and you've still decided to choose him as the Father of your DC.

I think you need to start thinking about why you are willing to accept so little from him.

You’d be surprised how many adults need to be adult of a wonder of technology- deodorant

Take a ride on most buses and you will smell the ‘bath once a week’ crowd

With him showering once a week, does he actually smell (apart from his breath)?

@BSB30 Are you able to read her posts? maybe start with the thread title.