Does anyone else just feel so down about their house?

I know exactly what you mean! I have 3 kids too, one is still a toddler so lots of toys around - we have no playroom and the kids bedrooms are small (and 2 share) so there’s just not enough space for everything. The house looks constantly cluttered, stuff just ends up living on the floor. Every so often we’ll manage a big tidy up but within a few days it’s back to the same state. We’ve not really decorated anything since having the kids and it’s all looking a bit worn, but there’s just no time to get it done, and no money to pay someone.
I think we could make a massive difference if we bought more storage but DH insists that the problem is us having too much stuff - we’re probably both right, but we never seem to be able to manage a proper sort out because any spare time is used trying to sort out/tidy the immediate mess and do the basics of cleaning and washing. It’s so depressing. And we live in a well-off area but without being very well-off ourselves so most friends houses are much bigger than ours, and everyone has cleaners and clear sides and places to put their crap!

Yes that's me 😂😂😂 I live in a small cramped house and no matter how much I try to keep it tidy,it looks a mess due to the clutter.when I say clutter I mean things I genuinely can't get rid of-my(tiny)living room has a 3 piece suite,footstool and TV on a TV cabinet-it LOOKS cluttered,but I obviously need it 😂.I need new laminate floor,I've had the same one for 10 years,the whole house needs repainting.need a new carpet on the stairs.kitchen cabinets are falling apart,a cupboard door and a drawer are completely off.No storage at all really.when I "tidy"it's just moving things to another part of the house.its honestly depressing on times.but ah well.we are pretty lucky to have a house to live in I suppose.but I'm the same as you,my friends house is all done up,like a show home and mine looks like a indoor car boot sale 😁

There used to be a website called Fly Lady. It was all about cleaning and routines. If you signed up you would get email reminders about different tasks during the day. It got annoying in the end, but the things that stuck with me were:

Identify your hotspots - the areas that are most likely to have keys, post, receipts, loose change etc dumped down regularly. Keep an eye on your hotspots and deal with them daily.

Keep your sink area clean and tidy. Shine your sink before you go to bed.

Keep on top of your laundry and put it away.

I do try to keep these three in mind (but sod cleaning my sink before I go to bed!) And if I can keep on top of the clutter, the washing up and the laundry every day, then it's easier to get other stuff done and I don't break into a cold sweat if the door bell rings 🤣

Do you have any money you can throw at the problem? At a similar life stage, one of our neighbour's teens was desperate to do some money so she spent a couple of hours going around the house wiping the walls and then another couple with a fluffy duster thing doing the corners, tops of things, lampshades. None of it required any level of skill. Just time.
I think I paid her something like £30 in total and we both came away from it thinking we'd done well out of it!

I am having major house hate at the moment. Not sure if WFH is exacerbating my feelings?

When we moved in (8 years ago) we did the whole place up and it's now just a tatty shell of how it used to be. We've had 3 kids and 3 cats with us but the house is just run down (as am I)

Kitchen floor desperately needs replacing but the whole house really needs to be re carpeted and we need a new oven.

I've long since given up on having a cleaner as you really can't polish a turd. I keep things clean but I am actually at the point of feeling embarrassed about the state of my house.

This thread is a good reminder that I need to sort things out.

In other people's homes we tend to see far more of the overall impression than the minutiae and our eyes are naturally drawn to the attractive things in the room. So you might notice the lovely wallpaper but are less likely to be looking down at the skirting boards for chips. In your home, once you've seen the hand print, the fraying, the wear and tear, you can't unsee it and it hits you the minute you walk in. For a quick lift I'd suggest getting some items that you love looking at, cushions, rug, plant, flower in a vase to draw your eye and give you a bit of feel good about that room.

I feel your pain. We’ve been in our house for 18 years and rooms we painted when we first arrived are properly grubby again - my kids are grown now but quite slobby, nothing ever feels clean. And I am lucky enough to have a cleaner but it’s not her issue that the paintwork is knocked around and chipped and foot tiles are cracking and grouting falling out. Also I hate painting.

Been there too! Our house feels better now because I've got rid of so much stuff. It was just clutter and it made everything look cramped and grubby.

If you can't afford cleaners etc (I can't either) start with a really good clean out. Be ruthless. Get rid of everything that you don't need. There being less stuff will help with how clean it looks and will also let you clean as you go (start in 1 room & get it done before moving to another).

Once it's finished it will be easier to keep clean too

@Grasss I think the best plan would be to send your toddler to grandparents do your big full clean then get a cleaner who if your house is in good order to start would be happy to just start off with 2/3 hours weekly or fortnightly

Hahahah I have 3 kids, 2 with disbilities, 2 Great Danes and still manage to keep mine semi nice hahaha my downfall is putting my washing away! I need a cleaner just for that!

I keep a whiteboard on the fridge with weekly, fortnightly and monthly tasks.
Weekly :
Bathroom
Dusting
Hoovering
Laundry

Fortnightly:
Bedsheets

Monthly (or longer):
Windows
Skirting boards
Sweep outside
Dishwasher deep clean
Washing machine deep clean
Tumble drier filter
Car
Oven
Fridge

Although I have dusting on my weekly list I only do a room or two at a time. The same with windows on the monthly list.
I probably spend two hours a week cleaning on top of the normal stuff like keeping the kitchen clean, dishwasher etc.

It helps me keep on top of it but it is NEVER fully clean and the biggest thing is to accept that you don't live in a show home, it's a living breathing imperfect container for your humans.
If you don't want to clean all the time you need to accept a level of discomfort.

Also I echo what pps said. When you look at other peoples houses you're looking with visitors eyes. I bet the host is worried you'll look behind the bin and see the t bag they dropped there earlier.

I hear you, OP - my house makes me feel so depressed :(
Bought in a panic in the midst of split with Ex and losing my dad - disabled DM moved with us and she was desperate to buy the house we’ve moved to.
It needs so much more work doing to it than I realised - I start a job to improve something and find ten more problems along the way.
so disheartening, and a complete drain on time and money… DM oblivious as she’s not able to help, so I feel completely alone with it all, too

You have to remember generally people always have a good clean before visitors and almost definitely isn’t always like that. I can’t keep on top of ours with three kids and I work very part time!
we’re redecorate at the moment and it’s amazing what a fresh coat of paint can do everywhere to brighten the place up.
have you looked at things like frenchic paint for the bathroom you can make a bathroom look almost new again with some clever tricks, grout pens etc.
having said this I do feel the same, spend a whole day tidying ans cleaning for it to revert back by the end so it’s not just you

I don’t have a dog, which helps. I think it’s nigh on impossible to be as clean as I like with a dog - and we used to have one! One necessary thing is training kids from the beginning. You can’t swim against the tide so you need to make them take an active role in house upkeep.

The decor, well there isn’t much you can do if you simply can’t afford it other than save towards it.

When my two were toddlers, and I despaired at the mess, a wise old neighbour said to me: “You can have a palace. Or you can have children. But you can’t have both!”
She was right, and I learned to be more tolerant of the sticky hand prints, dropped food, crayon on walls etc, until they were older.
I am retired now, they have grown up and moved 50 miles away with their own homes, I have that pristine house and new bathroom - and I miss the messy chaos of family life!
Learn to love what you have, OP. A happy family home is a huge plus. The palace can wait.

We have a holiday home in Brittany and there is no clutter there. It is so much easier to keep clean than our home in UK.

I have 2 cats and 2 dogs so plenty of muddy paw prints to be found. Even when I steam mop the kitchen floor tiles the animals putter patter and makes paw marks again. I can't keep them shut in one room all the time. Add into the mix a teen with.learning disability who runs in and out of the garden all the time. There is only so much you can do. If you look for dirt in your home you will find it. I try not to look too hard. I'm more concerned that everyone is happy.

Oh I know what you mean. Our old house needed a lot doing to it and just never seemed pristine. But we just never bothered when DS was young and thought we would wait till he was older. But I didn't really like people coming in.

We moved in the end - to a new build which was newly decorated. We also got rid of a lot of old furniture and unnecessary belongings at the same time and did an Ikea shop for basics.

All our walls are currently white, as it was a new build. That helps too, although I do want to add some colour to some of the walls in future.

I am not suggesting you move - but could you get rid of stuff that is definitely not wanted and maybe redecorate the rooms you dislike the most?

OP when you next paint a room use Silk paint because finger prints and marks wipe off much easier than from a Matt paint.

Are you me?! 6 of us in 3 bed terrace ex council. Nothing looks “nice”. Everything a bit ratty. Nothing really has a home because bad storage. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I just try to make peace with the fact I don’t like it and hopefully can move eventually 😏

This!! Impossible to find a cleaner who’s flexible to do whatever you need provided you’re paying! Why??? 😩

I feel ya, I think it's quite normal to do this.

I live in a lovely area but I rent a small, 2 bedroom flat for me and my DD.
All her friends live in nice houses, with gardens and I can't help but be so jealous. We both are!
I just wish I had some space, everything feels so cluttered and cramped even though I don't have much. I can't exercise in the evenings because my living room is right outside my DD's bedroom and it wakes her up, I don't even have space for a pet hamster.
But we're happy and healthy and we have more than many. Plus I have plenty of time. I'm sure we won't be here forever... right?!

Try not to beat yourself up about the way you feel OP, see if there's a way to use it as motivation. Maybe trying 'fixing' one room at a time or gather some savings up.

Doomed to fail. It's the toddler and dog most I expect. Learn to care less.

Can I just say? I have devised a method of living that works for me.

Every morning I have my breakfast and read my emails.. post on here.. and then I send myself an email entitled 'Today I will' and then I list all the jobs I want to get done one by one. It really works !

Today (Friday)
Wash out the bins in the kitchen and leave to dry outside
Clean the cat tray
Wash kitchen floor
Wash dog blankets
Put clean washing away upstairs
Clean my car
Walk dogs...

That sort of thing :)
When I have finished those jobs it sort of spurs me on to do more

Yes, this. But it’s a constant battle for me as my mindset is “less stuff” but DP has ADHD which comes with hoarding tendencies, and he’s a “gadget life hack” person – so with the baby’s socks, he’s also bought sock-ons to keep them on (don’t work, it’s more stuff to wash, put away, pick up from being scattered everywhere), lots more socks so there are extra pairs everywhere so he doesn’t have to go and retrieve the lost sock, just grab more from small piles everywhere, and net laundry bags to put the socks in to keep them together in the wash – but then doesn’t use them, they just sit on the kitchen counter with the Amazon packaging they came in 🙄🙄🙄

Whereas my office/the spare room, which is my one unshared space in the house, has N O T H I N G. Bed, bedside tables and lamps. My desk, with a lamp and a vase of flowers. Rug, curtains. Chest of drawers in which I keep work stuff I really need. One nice object on top – a beautiful bowl I bought at Leach pottery. That’s it. Nothing to tidy! And less stuff means nicer stuff: I could afford the beautiful bowl because I didn’t spend on Amazon life hacks or Tiger decorative tat, etc.

Our house isn’t pristine in its bones – it’s a fatty fixer-upper covered in peeling woodchip wallpaper, an utter bastard that is simultaneously tough to remove and yet peeled and chipped in places, the highly decorative Victorian skirtings gather dust continuously, the previous owners’ carpets are GRIM. Putting clutter on top of this backdrop looks even worse; I imagine if we had white walls and stripped floorboards we could have a bit more “stuff” but when the backdrop is tatty it only looks OK with zero clutter. Honestly, be ruthless. It’s taken me multiple rounds of KonMari to truly make it click; at first I thought I was getting rid of stuff but I was barely making a dent. Get rid, get rid, get rid. Take annual leave and do it in one fell decluttery swoop and rejoice in the space you gain and the time you gain from not needing to constantly tidy. Cleaning is quicker too when surfaces are clear.