To think family court can't be THAT bad?

I’ve been through family court, without going into detail it was a fucking awful experience that was dragged out for two years and the repercussions are still negatively affecting me 14 years later.

Ex CP SW here. Yes they are that bad, horrific even. Completely not fit for purpose, yes gender bias exists and yes resources, reputation and even looks/grooming can sway your case. Many judges are old school and incredibly misogynistic/sexist (pro-dad at all costs) and even with cast iron evidence of abuse that parent in question almost always get the contact they ask for.

I find them truly horrific places where the unthinkable almost always happens, if you haven’t experienced it either as a professional or a parent you’ve no idea truly how bleak it is.

I also remember the huge, red faced bully of a cafcass officer who laughed at me when I said I was too afraid to be in a room with just him and my abusive ex (the same ex the court had seen sufficient evidence to know a molestation order was merited)

So many traumatic memories. So many times I was shocked and disappointed to fall down the rabbit hole of the family courts.

(There were one or two sensible judges,.but sadly I never saw the same one twice. And some spoke to me, a victim of abuse, like I was a criminal)

What shocked me was how well I was treated and protected as an adult victim of abuse (when the police first helped me escape and I sought a non mol at their advice

Compared to how much dad's rights were prioritised over the children's safety when I sought to protect them

And in particular I can't understand why dad being charming over a nice cup of tea with the cafcass officer (who, interestingly, only had a phone call with me) was seen by cafcass as more compelling than police evidence, medical evidence and evidence from school

Yes family courts can be that bad and corrupt

Court is imtimidating OP. So imagine one person has legal aid (no lawyer involved). Straight away who ever has a lawyer gets their points over very accurately and calmly. The person who has a lawyer has a head start in the race.

This is key in court it's very easy to get nervous and not deliver your argument across clearly and confidently.

Throw in a character who is cunning and witty I can see how it could be a complete disaster.

During lockdown cafcass did a telephone appointment with my son because he was refusing to see his dad. (he was terrified after years of abuse culminating in his dad trying to make him eat food he is anaphylactic to) . (He disclosed this to his head teacher who wrote a report to the court)

The cafcass officer spoke to my son for 5 minutes. Asked leading questions "you like daddy don't you?" . " You don't find daddy scary do you?".

Then on the back of that conversation alone wrote up a report recommending contact.

My son still refused to go, and thankfully for once I had a sensible judge who didn't punish me for not forcing contact.

I am a lawyer (different area of law) and I have been utterly shocked by the shambles in the family court.

Having said that, if you read "The Secret Barrister" you will see that it isn't any better in the criminal courts (at magistrates level in particular)

My child’s dad was abusive to not only me in the relationship, but violent and aggressive to his family, friends and strangers. I had proof - the courts didn’t care. I expressed my concern regarding his drug taking, he done multiple drug testing over a year and failed every single one. The courts again, didn’t care and gave him unsupervised contact. Ex was threatening to set me on fire, and for me to ‘say goodbye’ to our child. The courts made HIM out to be a victim and I got ridiculed during each hearing. I was punished. Even worse, he wanted to continue the abuse by getting to see me during pick up/drop offs. So I was adamant in court to have a third party do it on my end to protect myself. The courts said no and it strictly states in our court order ‘no third party’. This abusive, evil man got everything he wanted and I got nothing but punished.

Same thing happened to me. You end up in a situation where family court force contact despite known risks, but social services demonise you as a mum for not protecting them by actively sending them to an abusive situation. All the mums fault and responsibility... never the behaviour of the abuser.

As a teacher, I have seen many children whose abusive parent has been awarded contact absolutely go to pieces the days preceeding visits, whether to a contact centre or the abuser's home, for years. I have been asked to give statements concerning children's disclosures and actual incidents of violence on school premises, the contents of which, one would have thought, ought to have stopped any demands for contact in their tracks, but that hasn't been the case.
I strongly believe that any violence or threat thereof, including toward pets or members of extended family, as well as malicious, coercive and threatening behaviour (basically any actions that point to not being able to conduct oneself in a safe and responsible way with the children's best interests at heart) should be an instant disqualifier for future contact.

Have a look at the work of Charlotte Proudman and Emma Katz (among others)

My relative is a judge in the family court and even he agrees it is that bad. He thinks cafcass are atrocious and anti women

True. There is no risk assessment, burden of proof of evidence needed in family court. Its who shouts the loudest
.. the abusive man who they go with. The utter lies they listen to with no proof.

I know someone who the judge took a dislike to so deliberately adjourned until after lunch keeping the legal reps there all day and costing her a fortune. And yet, if she had stayed with Dad it would have been a child protection issue!

Is it American? I've not heard of it.

I think (hope) in years to come we'll look back at family court in disbelief that it was allowed to run the way it does

It's one of those situations that you have absolutely no idea of, until your sadly have to become involved with it.

Lots of people are naive but that's not their fault, until my involvement I'd never had believed the stories I'd heard.

Senior Cafcass officer who was also dc's court appointed guardian admitted on the stand his entire 4 year case file was based on 'facts' he received from my exh..

Oh and then there was the female judge who wouldn't let me double barrel the kids name because ExH had had a vasectomy and had a "right" for DS to continue the family name.

Had I even considered that as a possible argument (I hadn't as it wasn't best interests of the children argument) I would had bought the evidence to court that he planned to have the vasectomy reversed if he hadn't already done it.

As it was I sat there aghast as this was the actual main argument against double barrelling in the summing up.

He had at least another two boy children and DS has so many disabilities he us unlikely to have a relationship let alone children.

I found it a mixed bag. I was shocked by what was allowed to pass as acceptable behaviour on the part of a parent. I was disappointed that you get handed round different judges all the time and I was upset by the difference in how you are treated by the judges. I had a lovely older judge who was imo reasonable to both sides and tried to find a workable solution, but ended up with an older male judge that I bet had no actual experience raising children as totally devoid of empathy... probably passed them off to others to raise if he had them at all, was so misogynistic it was untrue and allowed the other parties barrister literally threaten me in his closing argument.

Obviously I meant lived it myself. I'm not sure anyone's ever claimed to love the family court!

The reason they didn't start Child Protection procedures was because they were with me 70% of the time. Apparently because of that, they couldn't spend the resources putting in place something that the family court would take care of. Of course they didn't take care of it. I had the social worker tell me she can't get the resources to protect children who are living in those situations 100% of the time so what did I expect her to do? On one occasion they told me to stop reporting it to them, because they couldn't offer anything for me or the kids.

I understand the swamped and underfunded resource issues but I will never forgive Social Services, or the family courts for the trauma they have inflicted on all of us. I wish I was an isolated case, but sadly, I know of others in the same school as my kids, where the teachers begged social workers to step in, where the father had received a caution for assaulting the child involved, and yet still, they and the family courts have the father 40% custody. The systems are broken and I never would have believed the extent of it until I loved it myself.

I had to go through 19 hearings to reach a conclusion. It was gruelling and stressful, but actually the judge was very fair and CAFCASS were brilliant. They saw through my ex’s bullshit and he was given a zero contact order, which was the best possible outcome. It went on for over two years and fighting my corner was a full time job (with the help of an amazing solicitor and barrister, luckily who were paid for through legal aid due to DV).

After the initial major investigation,social services had over 5 major referrals from GPs, school etc. At one point the DCs head teacher was going spare.

Even after we could document injuries at the hospital the best SS could do was say DC said Dad did..... Dad says he didn't.

Throughout the whole process the only documented abuser according to SS was me. Because I had stopped contact on their verbal advice (which they said they never said) and had such a poor opinion of dad I was preventing them having a positive relationship.

Family Court stalwart here - personally, I think the vast majority of cases being heard in FC should actually be in the criminal courts. It isn't fit for purpose to effectively manage and protect victims of all the abuse that can happen in the name of 'family'.