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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's rude for dh to sleep so much

56 replies

Shuta8 · 09/04/2023 17:06

DH can just fall asleep in the daytime. It's awful as the kids are playing, meaning it's up to me to deal/tend to them making sure they're fed, toileted & clean etc.
He will just randomly snooze on sofa but sometimes it can be a 2 hour nap! I feel quite hurt..AIBU to feel like this?
It's almost like he doesn't want to spend Time with me and us? Or he'd much rather be elsewhere

Am I overreacting? It's not all the time but it's weekends usually when we don't have much planned and mulching about at home.

OP posts:
Peppadog · 09/04/2023 18:28

My first assumption is that he either has a medical condition, or he is deliberately staying up late at night.
Does he stay up late? Sleep in a different room? Falling asleep on the sofa during the day is not normal in my opinion, I wouldn't be able to put up with it, unless there is a specific reason it's happening.

UsingChangeofName · 09/04/2023 18:28

On the information you've given, YABU.

Some people need more sleep that others. It's not rude.

It would be unreasonable if he stays up until 3am watching TV or gaming or doing something else rather than sleeping at the same time as the rest of his family, and then needs to catch up, but it that were the case I presume you would have said.

How old are the dc ?

MissMarplesbag · 09/04/2023 18:27

Is he diabetic?

cardboardbox24 · 09/04/2023 18:27

For all those people saying "of course it's ok, he's just tired", surely the issue is that the OP isn't getting the same amount of down time but is just left parenting the kids by herself? OP, if this is the case you need to be making sure you have the same amount of down time. I wonder if you started taking yourself off for equal amounts of time if his naps would miraculously stop

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/04/2023 18:26

I would hate this too it’s boring and selfish. Partly because it assumes he is OK to leave the childcare to you and also because I loathe being around people who like doing nothing. It makes me want to scratch my eyes out with boredom.

ilovesooty · 09/04/2023 18:20

Perhaps he's genuinely tired.

Some of these posts sound really vindictive.

PieonaBarm · 09/04/2023 18:15

BertieBotts · 09/04/2023 17:10

That doesn't sound normal - google the epworth sleepiness scale, and get him to fill it in. If it's in a concerning range he should go to the GP.

I got 18, but then I've just been diagnosed with Long Covid. Your DH doesn't have something like that does he?

Kaiserchief · 09/04/2023 18:07

He sounds tired! Mine slept for 1.5hrs on the sofa after tea yesterday. I fall asleep if I sit on the sofa. I can’t help it 🤣

gemloving · 09/04/2023 17:49

Maybe you should just go upstairs for 2h after breakfast and he can sort the kids. Let's see what he says then.

gemloving · 09/04/2023 17:49

Does he go to bed late and is woken by the kids or does he have 10+h sleep needs?

I'd just tell my husband that's unacceptable but he wouldn't do it unless we've had a really rough night with one of the kids or he's been out (doesn't happen much, so happy for him to have a snooze then.

mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2023 17:47

There's nothing better than a snooze on the sofa when you know that someone else is looking after the kids.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/04/2023 17:46

Is this just how he uses his downtime? How do you use yours?

Everydayshouldbe · 09/04/2023 17:45

(Which i hate, if that wasn't clear, so I would nip this in the bud if you can OP)

Megapint · 09/04/2023 17:45

He sounds tired not rude. What hours does he work?, how old are your kids?

Everydayshouldbe · 09/04/2023 17:39

My dh naps for a couple of hours every single day

WeeOrcadian · 09/04/2023 17:39

Not 'rude' but massively annoying

Find out the root cause(s) of the sleepiness - randomly falling asleep is usually a sign of something else

BadgerFacedCoo · 09/04/2023 17:38

That sounds like a lovely, shared balance.

CaptainCorellisBagpipes · 09/04/2023 17:37

My first (D)H was a shift worker and spent hours and hours in bed when he got the chance (like until 2,00, pm Sat/Sun.

It didn't change when he came off shifts until he started cheating and seeing OW at the w/e's.

I have no solution but you have my sympathies.

Moredarkchocolateplease · 09/04/2023 17:36

Yabu.

DH and I took turns for an afternoon snooze when DC were little.

DH even now sleeps in until late at the weekend, I get up early and have a post lunch snooze whenever I can and I'm not at work.

It's completely normal to sleep in the day at the weekend especially when you have small children.

Whatthefnow · 09/04/2023 17:34

Lately I can't stop sleeping!

CarolDunne · 09/04/2023 17:32

I got a score of 16😂

CarolDunne · 09/04/2023 17:26

You could be telling about me. I liveca sofa snooze. Currently trying to keep my eyes open in my parents house

If I stay awake for than 30 mins on the sofa it's a miracle

My brother is the same

My husband and child have no problem wakime if the want something

DragonflyLady · 09/04/2023 17:25

BertieBotts · 09/04/2023 17:10

That doesn't sound normal - google the epworth sleepiness scale, and get him to fill it in. If it's in a concerning range he should go to the GP.

Wow, just done that and got 10 - and I’m so much better than I used to be!

I don’t think he’s being rude - he obviously needs his sleep!

Kanaloa · 09/04/2023 17:25

I presume when he wakes from his two hour nap he then takes over his share of the childcare/toileting/cleaning while you remove yourself from responsibilities for two hours? If not then the issue isn’t sleeping but selfishness.

PizzaPastaWine · 09/04/2023 17:22

How old are your DC?

What's his work situation?

If it's a weekend and you are just at home I don't really see the issue.

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