To think it's rude for dh to sleep so much

Mine does this too for 2-3hrs a day on weekend days. Short naps are fine if you’re at home anyway but this means if we go out he’s always looking to get back early so he can have his nap. He actually goes up to bed. I’m pretty sure he has sleep apnea but he won’t see anyone about it. He also has a nap when he gets back from work.

Dh does this - he snores as well so presumably has sleep apnea. He refuses to go and see anyone about it. I find it a massive turn off if I'm honest.

I nap every day. It’s good for you. It’s better to nap and feel refreshed than to be tired and not want to do anything

It's a deal-breaker for me as well. One offs, or a snooze as a result of a terribly broken night's sleep I can deal with, but not a regular thing.

I went away with a friend for a long weekend a few years ago and she took a two hour nap in the middle of the day. Absolutely ruined the trip for me.

I'd also suggest looking into why he's sleeping so much.

Haven't read TFT however is he overweight or does he snore a lot? He may have sleep apnea and not be able to help himself. If he does snore and randomly rather than regularly get him to see a sleep specialist. Record him because men are notoriously in denial about this.
Good luck. A diagnosis changed the lives of DH, myself and DS.

He should be looking into why he is so tired as there could be a medical explanation for it.

I used to have to take a nap in the afternoon because I was anaemic. I am neurodivergent as well and find that I get easily drained by the outside world and need to 'recharge' all the time. Depression can also sap you of all energy.

Just suggesting he is 'rude' sounds a bit too simplistic if he hasn't explored the reasons why he needs so much sleep.

It's annoying for sure. My husband is the same and it drives me but he can't actually help it. He's always anaemic and he's also going to get checked for sleep apnoea.

Do you find that he wakes up a much nicer person? Mine does.

investigate medical basis first. Sleepiness scale as mentioned up thread, and GP.

I disagree with the majority and like someone else said it was a huge dealbreaker for me in my relationship. However we have children with additional needs and I didn’t get any ‘downtime’ whilst begging him to get up after I’d had yet another night of no sleep. Every car journey (he didn’t drive) whether it was 10 or 100 miles of him snoring away. Making himself comfortable on the sofa whilst I was running around the house and kids.

As I mentioned he did snore badly, to the point we couldn’t share a room (especially on the little sleep I was already getting). I begged him to sort it, people who snore like that are certainly not healthy or getting enough actual sleep, but he didn’t.

I love a nap and have one every weekend day. I consider doing nothing (or reading or napping) to be perfectly valid weekend activities. I only get about 6 hours sleep a night due to older kids who are up late at night and toddler who is up early in the morning. I am a morning person so, in return, DH is never the first one to get up. We did discuss this between us and agree it is the best way for us both to get the rest we need. Worth a chat if the balance isn't working for you.

I’d be more worried than annoyed.

I'm the same as your DH. The difference is that if anything needs to be done DW wakes me. Why are you letting him sleep when there's work to be done is the real question?

In a lot of cultures it’s very normal to have a siesta, after lunch. I’m quite partial to one myself these days (literally just woken up from a nap now). I live in France and remember when our kids were young, we’d go to family events / picnics and you could guarantee that by 3pm most of the French dads would be snoring away under a tree while children entertained themselves and mums watched them or had a nap too.

When my kids were young and still napping I’d just go and have a snooze with them. As they’ve got older, I just tell everyone I’m away to ‘put my feet up for an hour’ take my book and go to the bedroom. It’s lovely time - birds tweeting outside, gentle breeze, hum of traffic / conversation in the distance. My mum does the same, and my dad from time to time. DH never does, but neither do his parents - they clearly think it shows weakness / laziness to sleep during the day and it’s a major moral failing🤷‍♀️.

have you spoken to him about this? What age are your children and how much attention do they need?

Used to drive me insane, exdp could not sit on a sofa for 5 minutes without falling asleep. I remember a trip to his dad's where him, his dad and step mother were all snoring their heads off whilst I sat there like a fucking nunpty. Yanbu.

Him falling asleep would be the point at which I'd encourage the kids to get out the pots, pans and wooden spoons and form a metal band.

I love a little snooze on the couch. Still do although my dc are adults. My dh couldn't care less. When the dc were small l managed not to do it if alone but if dh was around l was off He never complained he was left alone with the dc.
I think you are either snoozer or not and it's mostly down to personality. Dh would never snooze as he is always on the go and doesn't relax enough. Saying all that 30 minutes is enough for me and sets me up for the rest of the day. About once a week. So all depends on what he does when he wakes up. Is he cranky? Can you head out for a walk or a run or go upstairs and read? Or does he take them all out to give you a break? Also l wouldn't try to keep the dc quiet or anything. Just get on with your day and call him after 30 mins.

Me too. Awful. I would honestly leave someone who did this.

My Dad used to do this frequently when we were little. He eventually got diagnosed with aleep apnoea.

I think you need to get to the bottom of the reason for the sleeping before deciding what to do about it. Or make sure you get the same downtime each time it happens.

I’m quite amazed at some of these replies! I’ve been married for 20 years and honestly I think the key to a long happy marriage is looking after each other. Can you take it in turns so you get a break too? One of our kids doesn’t sleep much (at night I mean) so we are exhausted. We make sure each other has time to ourselves at weekends.

The occasional daytime nap is fine if they've had a lot going on but every weekend is excessive. I think you should tell him.

Daytime napping is a proper deal breaker for me. I can't stand people who say they want a snooze after lunch. Urgh. I know lots of people do, but it's just not for me. A dh who did it whilst I was looking after the kids would be a complete no go unless he was actually ill.

This sounds a lot like my house. My partner does need a lot more sleep than me, but he is also a selfish wanker who has a lie in everyday and nearly always snoozes on the sofa while I look after DD on a weekend day.

Is the reason medical, or does your DH need a lot of sleep? Does he help with everything and the kids when he isn't asleep?
YANBU though. I've little time for people who are always asleep.
Waste of life IMO.

This was a main reason I ended a relationship.

Does he stay up late (whether gaming/ on his phone or out or choosing to check work emails when he doesn't have to, or whatever reason other than shift work)?

If he chooses not to get enough sleep then chooses to leave you to do all the childcare for young children while he naps to make up for his entirely self inflicted sleep deficit YANBU at all.

Obviously if he's ill or works nights you are!

People absolutely love to defend men in these types of threads but the fact is that a mother who fell asleep and left preschoolers unattended would be slated even if she were ill, and if she left them in their father's care there'd be posters accusing her of being lazy and telling her to go to bed earlier, not assuming that she needs to nap.

Is this a change - is he overweight , health von, working long hours?

I would be concerned