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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my husband right to be embarrassed when I serve soup for lunch to guests

467 replies

MusicLass · 09/04/2023 06:44

This is a bit of a long-running joke in our house, but underpinned by genuine feelings…

i like making soups from scratch (E.g vegetable, lentil, minestrone) and try to make them tasty, nutritious and filling. For some visitors I make soups for lunch or dinner, for the same reasons above, plus I can make them in advance and just reheat giving me more time to be attentive to guests. I also either bake or buy nice bread and butter to go with the soup. Something for pudding would be offered too.

DH gets embarrassed when I serve soup to guests, saying it’s not proper food and it’s not being hospitable. He would expect a pasta or rice dish round someone’s house, or meat.

He happily eats soup when it’s just us as a family.

AIBU to serve soup to guests? Or is he right? Generally he is more sensitive about social etiquette than me. He’s also from a Mediterranean culture, which could be a factor here.

Thanks for reading and helping us to settle this!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

FiddleLeaf · 09/04/2023 18:39

I’d love this. Homemade soup with good bread is hard to beat.

Unicorn2022 · 09/04/2023 18:29

I would only have soup as a starter and wouldn't see it as an actual meal even if served with bread. I'd be disappointed to go to someone's house and be served soup for lunch. It's so basic. Also I am a vegan and have lost count of the amount of times someone has tried to serve me pea soup, onion soup etc etc completely forgetting the ham or chicken stock.

Those people who say their guests love their soups and are very complimentary - I think they are just being polite. They probably stop off for food after leaving your house.

Miri13 · 09/04/2023 18:14

A nice homemade soup with nice bread is perfectly acceptable for lunch. I’d be happy with that. Have to agree with your husband about dinner though. I’d expect something more substantial.

Fairislefandango · 09/04/2023 18:09

I find soup absolutely revolting. Do you ask if your guests like soup, or just assume everyone does?

Surely you could ask the same question about literally any food a host decides to serve? Ewww - do you assume everyone likes cheese/chicken/tomatoes/cake/coffee etc?

Sensibletrousers · 09/04/2023 17:45

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 17:43

I find soup absolutely revolting

All soup?
Do you only like dry food?
That is a rather melodramatic statement.

Yes all soup. Just hate soup. No drama!

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 17:43

I find soup absolutely revolting

All soup?
Do you only like dry food?
That is a rather melodramatic statement.

Sensibletrousers · 09/04/2023 17:21

I find soup absolutely revolting. Do you ask if your guests like soup, or just assume everyone does?

weddingdaydancet · 09/04/2023 16:58

Arapawa · 09/04/2023 15:24

Why have all these posters appeared talking about dinner? The OP specifically said "lunch"

tell me you didn’t read the op without telling me you didn’t read the op 😂

BellaJuno · 09/04/2023 16:43

WaltzingWaters · 09/04/2023 06:55

absolutely fine as a lunch in general (as long as not Sunday and guests starve themselves thinking they’d get a Sunday roast or something!)
Not really something I’d serve guests for dinner (though I’d be happy with it myself if accompanied by nice bread and some pudding afterwards!).
If your DH wants something more to offer guests he can prepare and cook it himself!

I agree with this. Do you offer soup to everyone so repeat visitors get soup every time they visit? If so, I’d mix it up a bit with other dishes.

Rainbowshit · 09/04/2023 16:04

Arapawa · 09/04/2023 15:24

Why have all these posters appeared talking about dinner? The OP specifically said "lunch"

She also said dinner.

JuneBridie · 09/04/2023 15:48

I’d be like “where’s the rest of it?”, ok for a starter but not your whole meal. I think soup is quite boring anyway, I’ve usually lost interest in it halfway through.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/04/2023 15:42

Soup, bread and cheese would be a lovely lunch
For dinner I'd expect a main meal,
DH could do that as he's embarrassed.

NatashaDancing · 09/04/2023 15:36

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 15:17

Soup isn't a meal - it's a starter

Some soups are a meal. A watery soup isn't, but a thick vegetable soup with pasta in would be. If I had that for a starter I would be too full to eat anything else.

Of course soup with chunky bread or bread and cheese is a meal at lunch time.

The OP offered a pud as well. Just about every casual café offers soup and a sandwich as a lunchtime meal. Soup, bread and pud is a meal.

BungleandGeorge · 09/04/2023 15:33

Arapawa · 09/04/2023 15:24

Why have all these posters appeared talking about dinner? The OP specifically said "lunch"

I presume you didn’t read OP’s opening post?
”For some visitors I make soups for lunch or dinner”

Arapawa · 09/04/2023 15:24

Why have all these posters appeared talking about dinner? The OP specifically said "lunch"

RampantIvy · 09/04/2023 15:17

Soup isn't a meal - it's a starter

Some soups are a meal. A watery soup isn't, but a thick vegetable soup with pasta in would be. If I had that for a starter I would be too full to eat anything else.

Deadringer · 09/04/2023 14:28

I am not a big fan of soup personally but homemade soup would be a lovely lunch for most people. Its not a dinner though imo, even with dessert. Maybe dh needs to step up to the cooker once in a while, instead of complaining.

Namechangingagain111 · 09/04/2023 14:21

Soup isn't a meal - it's a starter
I once went to a friend's house and his new wife cooked us a watery soup with literally a couple of tiny carrots and half a sausage in it.
That is NOT a meal !!

Leafygreenone · 09/04/2023 14:18

PrettyMaybug · 09/04/2023 14:06

You appear to be quite smug, and proud of being pedantic and snarky. It's nothing to be proud of. It doesn't make you clever, or special, or witty, or 'tough.' It just makes you look childish, and a bit attention-seeking, and daft.

Show quote history

Erm you used the word " snackette" and I'm childish, attention seeking and daft ?

Stepping away from this ...

PrettyMaybug · 09/04/2023 14:06

Leafygreenone · 09/04/2023 12:49

Yep

Show quote history

Leafygreenone · 09/04/2023 13:56

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 13:24

Good - you can sit next to me. I love a fellow pedant even though we may not agree regarding soups! 😁

(I love soup, me)

Show quote history

😂
I like soup just it's a pretty bog standard thing not an invited out to lunch thing.

Broadbeachshallow · 09/04/2023 13:47

I would think it was great that you had gone to the trouble of making me homemade soup. I would enjoy it.

In your case, I would wonder my husband thinks it is ok to criticise what I serve to guests. If he's not cooking, the only appropriate words out of his mouth are, 'That's really nice soup, love. Thank you.'

If he wants to make pasta instead, let him have at it.

Chocchops72 · 09/04/2023 13:39

I know it’s very popular in the UK as a meal, but it weren’t cut it in the Mediterranean country that I live in. Especially for lunch: maybe soup as a starter, but only if followed by the main course, then cheese, then dessert 😂

soup in the evening? only for women on a diet.

Wherethewind · 09/04/2023 13:39

If you have guests then its traditional to offer a ‘special’ and above average cost meal such as a roast. Although not everyone think so, it is tradition that soup is a ‘use up the leftovers’ meal, even a poor person’s meal, so he’s right that it isn’t traditionally seen as a polite thing to offer guests unless it is just a starter.

(Also I hate soup and would be gutted if I was offered it as the only option.)

Kaftanesque · 09/04/2023 13:37

I have just made a chunky,spicy veg soup and if I say so myself it's delicious. We recently had lunch at at friends and she served a lovely soup with cheesy topping with homemade bread .Followed by a warm homemade chocolate fudge cake with ice cream. We were full for hours and very much appreciated. And anything but lazy.Lots more effort in a relatively simple homemade meal like that than plenty of other examples.I'm with you OP.Plus it's the hospitality and company that count.

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