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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my husband right to be embarrassed when I serve soup for lunch to guests

467 replies

MusicLass · 09/04/2023 06:44

This is a bit of a long-running joke in our house, but underpinned by genuine feelings…

i like making soups from scratch (E.g vegetable, lentil, minestrone) and try to make them tasty, nutritious and filling. For some visitors I make soups for lunch or dinner, for the same reasons above, plus I can make them in advance and just reheat giving me more time to be attentive to guests. I also either bake or buy nice bread and butter to go with the soup. Something for pudding would be offered too.

DH gets embarrassed when I serve soup to guests, saying it’s not proper food and it’s not being hospitable. He would expect a pasta or rice dish round someone’s house, or meat.

He happily eats soup when it’s just us as a family.

AIBU to serve soup to guests? Or is he right? Generally he is more sensitive about social etiquette than me. He’s also from a Mediterranean culture, which could be a factor here.

Thanks for reading and helping us to settle this!

OP posts:

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Maraudingmarauders · 09/04/2023 07:42

Being from a Mediterranean culture - the fear of guests feeling hungry or unfulfilled is ingrained and real 😅
For lunch I'd only serve soup as a starter or alongside other options - so a platter of cured meats and cheese, maybe some lightly grilled vegetables that they could pick at after the soup should they still be hungry. For dinner it would absolutely only be a starter.
I love a good soup with nice bead but it doesn't scream generosity which is so important in food focused cultures (Italian for me). The idea thay guests might leave and say to each other, gosh I'm still hungry, or "only soup?" with raised eyebrows is enough to keep me up at night.

Saying that, he has hands so he's more than able to contribute extra should he wish to - so long as you don't get mardy about him adding to your lunch/dinner plans.

MissTrip82 · 09/04/2023 07:39

Casual lunch is fine but we’d only serve it as a starter for dinner.

LOL’d at the PP who wouldn’t serve ‘cheap, nutrient free’ things like pasta or rice to guests……what? You wouldn’t serve a risotto to guests? How bizarre.

Offensiveapprently · 09/04/2023 07:39

I thinks it's time.he started doing it then.

begoneday · 09/04/2023 07:39

Inthesamesinkingboat · 09/04/2023 07:34

Serve it as a starter. Let your husband take care of the main course.

This.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 09/04/2023 07:38

I've done exactly the same when old friends have come for lunch - homemade soup, good bread and fruit tart for afters. Best lunch you can have, in my opinion!

begoneday · 09/04/2023 07:37

If it’s a friend popping round and the main event is not lunch or dinner , fine. Otherwise no, soup is boring and would make me think the host could not be bothered. Although in your case OP you clearly have bothered. Soup is just a bit meh though sorry.

rwalker · 09/04/2023 07:37

to me soup is soup irrespective if it’s homemade or out of a tin
couldn’t think of an worse to be offered

Testina · 09/04/2023 07:37

Reallybadidea · 09/04/2023 06:46

He can cook then if it bothers him

There you go.
First reply is the only one you actually need!

AbsoIutelyLovely · 09/04/2023 07:36

Sounds awful sorry

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 07:35

He should be embarrassed that he can not or will not cook for guests himself if he doesn't like what you make.

Am sick of men complaining about things like this, fucking learn to make your own food and entertain your guests then!

MultipleVeganPies · 09/04/2023 07:35

I love a good soup, and grew up with a proper soup bring a dinner

many English people are not very good at soup though, so they probably imagine you serving them a watery bland concoction 😁

your DH can cook on soup days then, and cater to guests

dentydown · 09/04/2023 07:34

I’d eat a hearty lentil soup for breakfast or dinner. I love a good lentil soup!

Inthesamesinkingboat · 09/04/2023 07:34

Serve it as a starter. Let your husband take care of the main course.

Mindymomo · 09/04/2023 07:33

I love soup and would love homemade soup with nice bread for lunch. My DH on the other hand likes soup, but doesn’t love it the same. Ask your guests to be honest with you and are they happy with what you serve or would they like anything else.

FOJN · 09/04/2023 07:33

He's not embarrassed enough to do any cooking himself so he needs to pipe down or step up.

drpet49 · 09/04/2023 07:32

notacooldad · 09/04/2023 06:54

Personly I would find it awful.

Me too

Curseofthenation · 09/04/2023 07:32

I wouldn't serve soup for dinner, but I would for lunch.

If someone served me soup for dinner I wouldn't be thrilled. Perhaps alongside a charcuterie board in the centre of the table?

I agree with all the people here that suggest your DH cook rather than whinge!

PoseyFlump · 09/04/2023 07:29

Mumma · 09/04/2023 07:26

I hate soup and always joke that it isnt food. It does nothing for me. It's like a drink. If someone offered me soup, I'd politely decline.

A homemade soup made with filling protein isn't like a drink. You would decline IRL? You'd look rude and ungrateful.

dew141 · 09/04/2023 07:28

I love soup but, as someone else said, I'm not worried about the nutrition factor but how it tastes. I really like celery, broccoli, red pepper etc but not so much the thick, lentil heavy, rustic soups.

Could it be that perhaps your soups aren't to everyone's taste?

Otherwise, yes as a casual lunch but not every time you have people over.

ShandaLear · 09/04/2023 07:26

Lunch yes - I’d love that. Dinner, not so much though I could see it working as a kind of Wagamama dish with noodles, broth, meat and eggs kind of affair.

Mumma · 09/04/2023 07:26

I hate soup and always joke that it isnt food. It does nothing for me. It's like a drink. If someone offered me soup, I'd politely decline.

specialk9 · 09/04/2023 07:26

Although I'm just grateful for anything (edible) if I'm a guest, but if I was hosting I wouldn't serve as main at dinner

specialk9 · 09/04/2023 07:24

If he's that offended, then yes, he should offer to cook himself. However, I do agree with him. It's not enough for dinner, but perfect for lunch

sighofthetimes · 09/04/2023 07:23

It's not conventional to have soup at dinner (as a main), but if it is super hearty i would be too full to have a main anyway! Bill it as a light dinner and guests will know to have a heavier lunch.

Soup, bread, cheese and wine. Yes please!

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2023 07:23

For a house guest, I think it is fine as this is just one meal and you’ll also be providing dinner etc. I’d be pretty gutted if I were invited for a couple’s lunch to be provided with soup and bread. An informal, impromptu gathering would be fine.

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