To feel like I regret IVF....

. He was late to hold his head - only started doing it around 4-5 months, and now at 6 months his social skills seem to deteriorate. He gives very limited eye contact, turns away from me and other people, does not always respond with a smile, it’s hard to get his attention. He seems to get frustrated with everything very easily. Terrible sleeper, does not get upset if I leave him and walk out from the room. Makes lots of sounds / screams bu not at me but just sort of in his own world. Constantly needs to move, slaps and flaps his hands, feet, squeezes and scratches everything all the time, even when feeding.

All perfectly common and normal baby behaviour. There is a HUGE variation in normal physical, emotional and mental development. Ask any mum here with more than one child; same parents, same womb, same home environment; different rate of development. Different natures, different behaviour.

You waited such a long time and fought such a hard path to create a baby, you spent those years focussed on imagining your miracle dream child. No baby could ever live up to that dream. There are no ideal perfect people . He is just being a proper real baby. You are being a proper real mother; warts and all.

I think you're in such a state waiting for your own health diagnosis, you've fallen back into the old habits of fear, despair and catastrophising that you lived with when you were desperate to conceive. If that rings a bell, then try to speak to that old self as you were then, and tell her this ;

"Don't give up hope yet. Wait and see. You're being tested hard, but you're stronger than you think. ".

My boy does this and he wasn’t an IVF baby. ASD does cross my mind but I figure I have the rest of his life to worry about him so I’m managed to put that to one side and enjoy him whilst he’s still little. I don’t want to look back and realise I spent the baby years worrying about what his later childhood/adulthood would look like. He’s a bit older than your baby and I did find he got happier as he got older and could do more things himself. Up until about 8 months he just hated life 🤣

Best of luck with your tests ❤️

Babies develop at different rates, your baby sounds fine to me.
I think you’ve had a very difficult time and you are stressed out by it all, understandably. 💐

I've sent you a PM x

I was exactly the same after IVF, OP it's normal. See your GP or health visitor if you have any developmental worries and talk them and to your IVF clinic about counselling. It's tough but if you went through all that heartbreak before your pregnancy it is bound to have an effect on you. You have shown so much resilience OP, don't stop now. You've got this

Can I ask what makes you think you have a neurological disorder ?

My DC as a baby was similar, plus never stopped crying, now grown up and happy and very successful.

Hi OP, sounds like you've been through it!

I have 2 asd children, my youngest was diagnosed very young, goes to an sen school etc so it was quite obvious early on.
He was holding his head almost as soon as he flew out, he was the most perfect baby.
His NT brother was the polar opposite. I was convinced he had issues with hearing or sight, turns out I just pissed him off a bit and he wanted to chill a bit.
It's so easy to worry about baby's, please don't. Worrying won't change the outcome and he'll always be perfect to you, asd or not.
I hope you get lots of love and support, this has been an awful time for you and your MH must have taken a battering.
I hope the best for your baby, he is very loved and you sound a great mum x

Sounds like you have PND, OP.

I don’t have any experience of infertility or IVF, but I do have experience of postnatal anxiety and it was truly hideous.

Are you getting any help for the anxiety- eg have you spoken to your doctor or health visitor. Are you on any anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication? Things started to feel much better for me almost straight away when I spoke to someone and started taking them.

I have health anxiety in general anyway which rears its ugly head from time to time and I know from experience that when you have anxiety it very often manifests itself as physical symptoms of disease that you actually don’t have - particularly neurological-type ones.

I don’t know what your symptoms are and what you’re being tested for, but it’s possible you may start to feel better if you got the anxiety under control.

You may also worry and catastrophise less about your baby.

OP, you sound so worried and scared. I wanted to reassure you - I have an autistic 8yo DS (and a NT 3yo) and he is the joy of my life. He's clever, funny, kind, gentle - he just needs (a lot) more support from me and DH than his peers, but we wouldn't change a hair on his head.

You're being too hard on yourself.❤
Your baby is just fine. My baby was like yours and now she is in her early primary years and she's just fine.
Please don't be hard on yourself. You've gone through a lot and are going through more health issues now. It's normal to feel anxious about those you love the most.

Does your ivf clinic offer counselling? I feel you need to talk to someone who can support you. IVF is an incredibly stressful experience, both physically and mentally, added to a traumatic pregnancy, it’s no wonder you are feeling the way you are. Best of luck in healing yourself.

What support are you getting with your anxiety, op?

Your baby sounds like a healthy, average baby to me. My dd couldn’t sit still at all at that age, because she is curious about the world and enjoying her body movements. You are fretting and worrying because you have had a bad time. All will be well OP. Whatever life throws your way you have a beautiful baby and a loving dh, enjoy it - they are teenagers before you know it!

I’m in work and can’t reply now but have been through this and will come back and reply later as I have been where you are and I know how hard it is.

You have not ruined anyone's life, you've had a really difficult time. The run of events and stress that led to you choosing IVF have led you to this anxious place, not the IVF itself. It's just that you have latched into the one thing you can blame yourself for.

Babies don't have social skills, stop reading about autism, just enjoy your baby, who has brought joy to both you and your DH, thanks to you.