To feel like I regret IVF....

I know ! I promise you you're not alone with this. Everything you write is exactly my feelings and I know it doesnt make anything better for your situation but I promise it sounds completely identical to my own except you have the added stress of your own medical issues. Also so glad they didnt think it was any serious neurological issue. At least that is one weight off your mind.

The video is identical to what my son does also. I have seen similar videos and had the same gut wrenching feeling you describe and then thought why am I doing this to myself constantly. My friends daughter also does a similar thing so that helped put my mind at rest slightly. Everything I look is almost to try and confirm my own diagnosis of my son and like I said previously always focusing on the areas of concern rather than any positives which is sad. I told my health visitor my concerns and she scoffed a bit and said he is fine even though I answered the stage questionnaire accurately and he scored very low on the communication and slightly low on gross motor skills. I felt from the first 10secinds I met my health visitor she had written me off tbh and was never going to listen to anything I said so I dont really take comfort in anything she says but definetely took comfort in the paediatrician saying he appeared great developmentally.
Have you seen your health visitor or GP?

My son is terrible with weaning. I have cried numerous times with frustration with it all. He cries all the time in the high chair and makes a grunting frustrated noise as if distracted by everything else and starts turning round in the high chair playing with straps etc and cries if I approach him with the spoon or put down any finger foods that are not those melty puff things or watermelon for some reason. He will touch things and instantly cry which makes me think of older children with autism becoming overwhelmed with textures etc. I've tried my best to do things as "right" as possible. Making everything from scratch etc (which is difficult when your baby is extremely grumpy) only to throw it all in the bin constantly. I have noticed he accepts the Ella's kitchen pouches the most but then feel terrible when I give him them like I am taking a lazy option or something and making things worse. Dont know if you have tried anything like that. I remember you saying your son had a tongue tie and I've read a lot of things that tongue tie can cause issues with weaning and hoping this is the case or he is just very fussy

But all the concerns seem to just mount and mount and either looking too much into everything or it is something like autism. The not knowing is the most frustrating part to me.

I can guarantee your husband does not think that at all and will just want you to be happy and enjoy your son. I also bet he is your families pride and joy. They will likely have not thought a single thing about these things. I always feel nervous around my family thinking that they are looking at my son wondering what is wrong with him but they most likely arent and it is just the anxiety talking because it is out child and we notice every little thing about them
I have had so many arguements with my partner about this and the last one seems to have made a difference for us going forward. He has stopped dismissing me for saying my autism concerns and I have stopped being hysterical outwardly about everything he does that seems strange even though inside I am a bit concerned. Trying to fake it until I make it a bit.

I also share the same thoughts about another child. I always wanted 2 close together if it was possible and if I was so lucky but now with my concerns I start to doubt I would cope with the anxiety of it all and it makes me sad. I also have had really horrible thoughts that made me cry for my poor son because i thought maybe if i had another i would get the "normal" experience as felt I'd missed out on a lot of things I thought motherhood was like. But I know how ridiculous that is and that they are all individuals and feel so guilty for even thinking this. I frequently look over at mums in cafes etc getting lots of eye contact and smiles etc from their baby and feel a sort of mourning but then feel so so guilty for my poor son that I am having these thoughts. Think we just need to fake that everything is fine until anything definitive happens and hopefully along the way it will just start to come naturally.

According to that link my 4 are all likely to be autistic but they aren't, one of them stimmed much more than the child in that link. Two of them were nightmares with food. That doesn't prove everything is OK with your little one any more than the link proves there is.

Please stop looking at things like that, talk to your HV and doctor. Dr Google is often damaging in my experience.

Hi
So so sorry ! I have not been back in touch since we last messaged. Life just kind of got in the way and I forgot to come back on but got a notification on this.
It is so strange that our babies are so so similar. Genuinely every single thing on your list are the concerns I have about my son. Every single one. I honestly could have wrote this. Quite creepy lol ! Even questioning in my mind if this is a family member writing this about my own son if it werent for your unfortunate medical situation for yourself.
Massive hugs. I have not been able to quel the anxiety either. However we see a paediatrician for a non related issue and she commented on how well he was doing developmentally. I was totally taken aback and like really? I have been so concerned about x y and z and she was surprised and said only short interactions with him but can see how interested he is in things etc and that she thinks he seems great. This really put my mind at rest even though she has only seen him for a short time.
My son also does this strange thing where he rocks back and forward a bit rubbing his ears. It reminds me of an older child with autism and like I can picture it in the future almost.
However, I've started trying to reassure myself that babies probably seek sensory and self soothing/stimming behaviours because they are babies and cant talk etc and maybe he will grow out them. He also rarely rarely babbles. I was absolutely delighted when only last week he started saying babababa but same as you it is very random and not in response to me. If i try babbling back he looks at me like I have horns then very quickly moves on to something else
So hope you can enjoy your boy a bit more. I told you about how miserable my boy is which is much the same but has improved somewhat since his movement had got a bit better. He is still very grumpy. I know your boy is still somewhat limited with his movement so maybe it is just frustration that they cant do things and that's why they seek more sensory input. I could also be talking rubbish but it's the only thing I tell myself to try and make myself feel better about my own son.
Really hope you can get some peace with it soon. It is torture and so horrible to live with anxiety and ofcourse we want to enjoy our babies when they are so little but it's so so hard when this stuff seems so in your face. especially comparing to other babies

Sorry OP, but I wish more people realised that having children has almost no up side.

It's NOT like the movies. It's just a biological urge, it makes zero logical sense, and if people were honest, they would admit that having children didn't improve their lives in any way.

BUT, what's done is done, what you have to do now is face up to the reality. Plan for the worst, then, anything better is a bonus.

I’m sorry you’ve had a difficult time.
my eldest I knew something was wrong from very early on and no one listened. He’s probably ASD but I’ve not yet had him assessed. It was even more obvious when my second was born as she did everything she was supposed to when she was supposed to.
It is difficult as times as he’s behind in the social/emotional side but fine academically. There have been eating speaking etc issues as well but mostly overcome.
I hope you get a diagnosis soon. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis shortly after my second was born and I know it’s a very stressful time.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I have a 3yo and a 4mo. They are all really different, and I wouldn't be too worried by what you describe in your son. My dd didn't respond to her name for the longest time and only started crawling at 11 months (backwards 🤦‍♀️). And I've never seen a baby really interested in toys over just everyday objects!

Tbh both of my two did/do the things you're concerned about.

I do hope you get a diagnosis for yourself soon.

All babies are different, I had 4 and what one did early another did late, one was very very very grumpy, one was a ray of sunshine and the other two were a bit of both. Maybe your little one will have some issues to deal with but equally he may be fine and it will all even out, either way worrying won't change anything.

I'd say try to just enjoy him for who he is and when he has his next checks you will get more of an idea about how things are. I know that is easier said than done but if it is what you are aiming for it will help even if you don't get there 100%.

It sounds like the neurologists have rules out some pretty bad stuff for you, don't underestimate how bad anxiety and depression can affect you physically. I hope you are getting lots of help and support. Good luck and I hope things improve in the coming months.

Oh @Wobblyheart I’m sorry to hear that you’re still so worried.

The twirling could be stimming. Trust your gut and keep notes of these behaviours that concern you. He will be due a check with the HV around 12 months when you can raise your concerns again.

It’s OK to worry that you won’t cope if your child turns out to be neurodivergent. I think the only way to get through it is to take each age and stage at a time, and not dwell too much on the future and unknowns 💐

fastforward to now, I have serious concerns about my baby’s development. He was late to hold his head - only started doing it around 4-5 months, and now at 6 months his social skills seem to deteriorate. He gives very limited eye contact, turns away from me and other people, does not always respond with a smile, it’s hard to get his attention. He seems to get frustrated with everything very easily. Terrible sleeper, does not get upset if I leave him and walk out from the room. Makes lots of sounds / screams bu not at me but just sort of in his own world. Constantly needs to move, slaps and flaps his hands, feet, squeezes and scratches everything all the time, even when feeding.

^^ All of this sounds Completely normal, honestly this describes both of how my kids were at that age and they are completely fine now. However your worries and anxiety also describe me perfectly at time too, I had the exact same anxiety about their development (especially my first). It really took a toll on my and kept me awake for many nights/months worrying. I found contacting my HV or GP really helpful, talk through your concerns and get your mind out at rest ❤️ honestly that’s the only thing that helped me. Your HV and GP are there for those reasons, don’t ever feel like you can’t air your concerns to them. I promise it will help. X
Im so sorry to hear you are going through your own health difficulties, please mind yourself too and visit your GP for yourself also x

Oh OP gosh I feel for you. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. Both my kids are IVF babies and their genetics are what they are. I wouldn’t change either of them. My youngest has ADD and anxiety but she is so awesome. You will never meet a more wonderful soul. I don’t know if there is any issue with your little one, but trust your mother’s instincts and seek out support and diagnosis if you think you need to. Look after yourself too. You need to be ok.

Well its a huge spectrum and you can't generalise .

Six months is very young to be concerned about Autism and I say this as the parent of a severely autistic son who.at near!y 13 is totally non verbal and goes to a special school for children with severe and profound learning disabilities, there were no.obvious concerns at six months the with my son ,this be started becoming more apparent from around 12-18 months
Speak to.the health visitor ,they can keep.an eye on your sons development ,and make any referrals,should they be necessary .

Huge hugs op. As others have said I'm not sure everything you describe isn't normal. Has your health visitors raised any concerns? If not try not to worry..having said that I too have worried with both kids about each and every milestone and everything they did. I still do especially with the younger one and mine are six and almost two. So worrying is also fairly normal I think.

You've had a a very difficult journey to get here and it was fraught with problems on the way. Maybe your brain is still in crisis mode?

I can relate a little bit. I haven't had IVF but I'm an older mum and every tiny little thing that Ds does I worry if it's because of my age when he was conceived. I'm also more on the lookout for problems than what I was with DD.

I also want to add op that whatever happens with your child you have not ruined anyone's life, certainly not your child's or your husband's. You are all on this journey together.

Best of luck with your own health as well. I hope you'll get some answers soon.

I'm so sorry things aren't going well. I had a lot of problems after the birth of my youngest child. I had repeated threatened miscarriages and someone said, "It's nature's way when there is something wrong with the baby." I became fixated on the baby having serious problems. He was born big and healthy but I was convinced he had Down's and if I saw midwives talking on the ward I was convinced they were discussing his "condition." He was fine and I gradually realised that.

Meanwhile I had developed problems with my legs when I was pregnant and it was just put down to pressure from baby but it didn't get better. MS was suspected and I was admitted to a neurological hospital but didn't get any answers. Because of pushing from a friend I went to a chiropractor, at the end of the session I stood up and was amazed that my legs felt normal. I was ecstatic but the chiropractor warned me it was temporary, I would need ongoing treatment to train everything back into place. I saw her 3 times a week, then down to twice a week, then once a week and eventually went a month without treatment and was then discharged.

When I told my doctor what had happened he said he couldn't explain it, it didn't make much sense to him but he didn't care and said as long as I felt OK what did it matter.

I'm not saying a chiropractor would be right for you, what I am saying is sometimes pregnancy and childbirth does weird and wonderful things to us and it can work out OK in the end. I hope it does for you.

@Wobblyheart oh love I know how you feel, I really do. I have had several really serious health scares where I was confronted with the terrifying thought of not being around for my family in the future, my child has major health problems and has had several lifesaving emergency surgeries involving serious risk, my DH has kidney disease. I know what its like to feel the way you do. To get worrying symptoms and being consumed by the fear of impending bad news. Now I am not a doctor, and of course no one here can give you medical advice, but I can tell you that at least some of this is anxiety and depression talking. You have had a really, really awful, difficult time for lots of reasons, and you are to some degree catastrophising and spiralling, which is a natural response in difficult times. I'm saying this with kindness because I do it myself. Just try to remember that you have had lots of tests, and as yet they haven't found anything wrong that points to a serious diagnosis. However, the symptoms you describe can be caused by numerous less serious conditions and are certainly made worse by anxiety. I know you are scared for your precious baby, but try not to jump ahead, try and wait and see with a little hope. I think you really do need to speak to your GP about how you are feeling, and try and get some support to help with all this and the impact it is having on you. I have had my struggles and have had several rounds of counselling over the years, as well as choosing to take medication at one very dark period of my life. Please tell someone how you are struggling and seek help, it can get better. I have learnt from long hard experience that the most frightening, worse case scenario is usually the least likely one. Try and take things one day at a time and be very kind to yourself xx

I agree with all of that.

Your baby sounds quite normal and your own medical investigations may show you are fine. Please try not to worry in advance of the results.

Things will almost certainly get better over the next few months. Bless you.

I've had the symptoms for around 2 years, they started gradually but within about 2 weeks got much, much worse and spread all over. One day I looked up and couldn't see properly, then it went, then I started to notice my arm was tingling at night, then my foot felt weird, then it was both arms, then both legs, vision started to get really bad with "visual snow" and getting vertigo, then one night I woke up feeling like my arm was bring electrified, I had my first disassociative "seizure" episode, struggled to speak, legs weren't working properly, arms felt like they werent part of me, 111 sent an ambulance as they thought I was having a stroke. It was truly terrifying, we were sure something was terribly wrong. Unfortunately one of the problems with FND is that the fear/stress of the symptoms seeming very serious can really trigger and aggravate the condition. I have never been so scared, but I am much better now, and I probably would have recovered much quicker of I hadn't had other difficult/stressful things to cope with, and severe sleep deprivation due to those. Try to look after yourself and be kind to yourself OP.