To feel like I regret IVF....

@Vespaa
The only reason I mentioned I had said ithought he looked normal was because you suggested I should just tell her that I 'think it looks normal and it could be anxiety' and I was letting you know I'd already said it.

I was a bit harsh the way I said it, but as you say, she was looking for reassurance and I wanted to remind her she'd had alot, and wasn't believing any of it. And so should be seeking help with the anxiety.

We all come from our own places and experiences, and I'm not going to reply to you anymore as I don't want to derail the op's thread.

I wish her (and you) all the best.
I just urge her to get help from her doctor or health visitor for her own peace of mind, and the support she deserves.

I'm glad it helped you and I do hope it helped the OP. I had repeated threatened miscarriages with one of mine, a "friend" suggested that it meant there was something wrong with the baby. He had a difficult delivery and was bruised and battered and didn't look like my others and I decided he had Down's, not sure why I settled on that but I did. I kept waiting for a HCP to break the news to me and then when they didn't I decided they just hadn't noticed. I held on to that fear for months but he was fine.

Of course some babies do have a condition but at my age I've realised the truth of the old saying, "Don't trouble trouble till trouble troubles you." as it doesn't help anything.

If it helps any more my child who stimmed worse than that video is very successful, has a great career, a very loving partner and a lovely baby. I'm so glad we didn't have the internet back then.

I hope your little one is healthy and happy and the same for the OP's little one.

I'm not able to comment on if your DS's behaviour is developmentally typical or not because my DS is autistic so I don't have a point of reference. But I just wanted to offer some reassurance if I may that if your child is autistic, it's not a tragedy. My son is an astonishing, glorious little human - he taught himself to read at age 3, he has an incredible memory, and when he's regulated and hyperfocused he finds so much joy and zen in the world around him. We certainly have our challenges as a family and parenting looks different to how I imagined, but I think that's true of all families regardless of neurotype. Whether or not he's autistic doesn't change the fact that he is the baby you know and love. You'll figure it out, but I think a bit of support for your anxiety would be beneficial at the moment too. I really struggle to tolerate uncertainty and I did some CBT to work on that and it did help x

Oh sorry, didn't realise YOU said it was fine. Maybe the poster doesn't know that only things you deem to be acceptable are things to be concerned about.
The poster has valid concerns and diminishing them does not help someone become unconcerned. Your diagnosis doesnt mean anything. Hopefully her lovely boy is absolutely fine and the worrying was for nothing
I'm sure the poster would rather this was the outcome than the alternative. Making her out to be hysterical over nothing is very dismissive.
Ofcourse seeking support for anxiety will help manage her own feelings but doesnt take away any of her concerns or make her concerns stupid. Also absolutely no need for you to feel sorry for her beautiful boy. As you have said from the video yourself looks like a lovely, well cared for thriving boy and obviously has a mum who loves him to pieces

I haven’t read TFT but I have read the first and last couple of your posts OP. I don’t know if your child has any issues and none of us do because presumably we’ve never met them but sounds like you’re thinking LD / ASD.

Rather than comment on whether they have or haven’t (sounds like that’s been done to death), I want to let you know that even if they do, it’s OK. It’s not the end of the world, they might process the world differently from someone who is neurotypical but that’s OK. They will have strengths and weaknesses just like everyone else. They will still be your wonderful child. I say this as the mum of a (no grown up kid) with complex needs including LD and ASD.

Hi OP so sorry for what you are going through
My daughter is 14 and was very developmentally delayed which I struggled with as I knew something wasn't right. And my friends babies so obviously hitting milestones. She didn't walk until 3 talk until 4 (though she talks incessantly now haha). She had oxygen deprivation at birth.She is autistic, has a learning disability and attends an SEN school. It's not been easy but she's happy and healthy and I love her for whom she is. She loves music, drama and has a wicked sense of humour. She will always need support but her challenging behaviour has improved so much.
What I'm saying is having been through this, it's bloody hard I can relate but enjoy your baby for whom they are, all babies are different. It won't change how much you love baby. Don't google, live in the moment. I regret worrying so much. I still worry now about her future now in different ways.

What an awful post. Regardless of the reality of the situation, the OP is in hell and doesn’t need vile responses like this. If you’re so bothered by this thread, just go elsewhere.

Most of all, you are wrong to say that the OP’s child sounds “normal”. You do not know that. No one knows one way or the other. He could be “normal”, but equally he could have an as-yet-undiagnosed issue.

Those of us with autistic children (or other developmental disabilities) can tell countless stories about being gaslit by everyone we meet. Friends, family, early years professionals all desperately saying “normal” even though that wasn’t the case. Making mothers (it’s always the mothers) doubt their instincts.

@Vespaa

She's been told several times, including by myself that what's she's describing is very much normal,and that she should seek help for her anxiety.

Her subsequent response (months later) shows that her anxieties are worsening if anything.

I feel for her, I really do but she needs to seek help. It isn't healthy for her or her son.

When you wrote this did you honestly thing it was serving a purpose to be helpful and supportive or was it more to be condescending and superior?
My mind is baffled by people like yourself. The poster had quite clearly said she has anxiety and looking for reassurance. It is very brave to post a video of your child on a forum and would only be doing it if she had genuine concerns. How about just saying you think it looks normal and it could be anxiety making you feel this way if that's what you think. Adding the stupid "regretting precious years with your boy" is just going to make her feel shitty. There is nobody who more wants to enjoy their baby than their mother. Seeking reassurance is a way of trying to cope and do that
So patronising!

None of my 3 babies held their heads up totally until 7 months. They were all big.

I think you need to go and see your doctor this is medical anxiety and you’re laying the issues of your fears at your child’s feet. Either he is autistic or not won’t change who he is, you panicking and obsessing and digging deeper and deeper into what if it’s helping you be the best version of you that you can be.

My two used to do that with toes and I called it happy feet. To me it was a sign they were excited happy. My daughter had a dreadful time weaning. I’d see friends babies chomping down on bananas and eating cottage pie with gusto and my girl would clamp her mouth shut.

My son gagged loads with texture.

My daughter was quite a serious baby and sometimes would just squeal continuously.

My kids are 14 and 12 now. No concerns at all.

My advice would be to get done counselling.

Maybe there is trauma from IVF and your own health worries to deal with. Getting yourself in the best position mentally is a win win situation.

If all is well with your darling boy you will be in the best place to enjoy and support him. If he does have additional needs you will be in the best place to enjoy and support him.

Worry does come hand in hand with being a parent. It shouldn’t be the overriding emotion though. X

Awww his little toes ! He looks so cute ! This is exactly what my son does and the grunting noise although I would say both have now lessened a lot since he has become a bit more mobile. He is not crawling but making more attempts and reaching for things etc. I think my son is about a month older than yours. He used to make that grunting noise constantly and people always thought he was straining to do a poo or something. I kept thinking he was going to hurt his throat because he did it so frequently but he definetely does it markedly less now and dont know if some of it is frustration or not knowing how to work their little bodies or something. He twirls his hands and feet in the exact same manner. I have noticed as he starts to have more varied facial expressions etc that some of it is excitement or wanting an object or wanting to go somewhere that he cant get to which before just seemed so random and like he was kind of aimlessly doing it which seemed more concerning but maybe just didnt have the facial expression/communication methods to show that before if you get what I mean. Things have definetely improved, although as I say I still have my concerns. I'm hoping you will be saying the same in a months time.

Obviously I share the same concerns as you so I cant give you total reassurance but I have definetely relaxed a bit as some of the things have improved slightly and really hoping that is the same for you. We also have the same jumperoo!

I had a very traumatic time with number 2. Awful pregnancy and awful delivery. My son didn’t sleep, constantly screaming - I hadn’t known I was pregnant when I went through some medical tests and was convinced this had a part and also other issues.

fast forward 10 years, he is a sweet, lovely, funny boy extremely quirky and kind and bright.

some babies reach mile stones later because of difficulty such as ASD but some just are late.

if you have any concerns speak to a consultant paediatrician

for you - I feel sometimes the stress of being a parent and the worries we have is brushed under the pnd barrier - have you thought about some counselling to try through your worries and how you process them?

@Wobblyheart have you seen an endocrinologist? My sister had almost identical symptoms and also had trouble conceiving. Her muscles were weak and twitching, she had constant tingling in her hands and feet and was constantly exhausted and worried. Months of scans and normal tests showed no problem but all DRs agreed something wasn’t right.
Turned out to be a hormonal imbalance which was resolved with medicine and supplements and she is a different person now

Gosh I think most babies flap their hands when they’re excited don’t they?! Same for food fussiness.

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time OP, I haven’t read the whole thread in detail but I think I have the gist. You are doing an awful lot of ruminating and it’s not going to be helping an already difficult situation.

See your GP about medication - it’s worth trying short term, and about CBT. I would consider swapping counselling for CBT, I don’t think just talking is going to be helpful for you at this point, you need to work on reframing your thoughts.

And on that note, please stay away from Dr YouTube - the mother posting that video is just talking about her own experience.

Kindly OP, I think you have to start helping yourself by setting some boundaries in what your consume and in managing your thought processes.

I really am sorry you are having a rough time, but you need to work on not just giving into your thoughts and following them down rabbit holes. You will need help to do this so please get that help.

He's 6 months btw!

Of course he's still finding his feet with eating...

Our second was massively fussy, didn't talk until 2. Again, turned no autism.

Babies haven't read the manual about what they should be doing and when, they're just trucking along learning things.

Please stop overthinking everything.

Sounds exactly like our som at that age. He was awful at being a baby! Got easier with every milestone (usually late!) that he met.

He's now very much an intelligent, thoughtful nt child with no special needs at all.

You've been through alot. You need to try and stop overthinking everything and enjoy your baby.

Also sorry for my terrible grammar etc. Typing fast with naps etc

And hopefully op aswell

Thanks for this ! It has really reassured me