Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

533 replies

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:14

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

OP posts:
x2boys · 27/03/2023 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You have no clue do you?
First of all Autism.is a HUGE, SPECTRUM not body is going to.be putting a severely disabled teen on the sexual offenders register ,because for one he was outside naked ,he didn't actually do anything ,by all.accounts he doesn't have the capacity to.understand that being naked is inappropriate ,and How exactly is being outside naked and " kind of " running towards the Op,s daughter sexually assaulting her ,???
I'm not excusing the behaviour but the police would not be dealing with it in the way you think they would thankfully .

Choconut · 27/03/2023 09:24

OP this is not acceptable and would be a frightening thing for a teen I'm sure. No one knows his motivation which might have been completely innocent - but it doesn't matter really as what did happen wasn't acceptable anyway.

It sounds like the young man needs more supervision than he is getting - but that might be all down to his mum who is trying her best but struggling with watching him 24/7 and can't find anyone to help or support.

Is his mum aware that he was outside naked? If so I think I would leave it, keep an eye out and see if it happens again - and then gently say something.

fliptopbin · 27/03/2023 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrostyFifi · 27/03/2023 09:18

I very much doubt that this young man is doing it with the intention to shock or frighten anyone

Nevertheless, if you're a young teenage girl and an older, larger male runs at you naked, shocked and frightened is what you will be.

TrashyPanda · 27/03/2023 09:17

What I'm saying is there are many unknowns and jumping to conclusions

what is known is:

he was outside naked
he is male and older and bigger than his female neighbour
he ran toward this girl
she was frightened enough to run inside and lock the door
her feelings and actions are 100% justified

Dirtydiesel · 27/03/2023 09:15

If he is outside in his boxers (and allowed to do this rather than the occasional escape and being whisked back in) this isn't appropriate either. Although no one I know with a young person that age would 'allow' this.

LakieLady · 27/03/2023 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm a little surprised by it too, @MarchMadness23 .

I think society is getting much more uptight about nudity than when I was a teen (late 1960s-early '70s).

I very much doubt that this young man is doing it with the intention to shock or frighten anyone.

TrashyPanda · 27/03/2023 09:13

Mum23amazingkids · 27/03/2023 08:45

Most autistic children do not have the same sexual feelings the same way as an everyone else , specially low functioning kids . I say this from experience . The being naked is a sensory thing

Show quote history

the teen years are a time of intense hormonal change

people with autism have hormones and sexual urges. NT people have hormones and sexual urges.

maddening · 27/03/2023 09:13

Rosula · 26/03/2023 23:50

Given that it seems pretty clear from your message that this boy is very vulnerable, how is his mother being overprotective?

Show quote history

Overprotective may be not addressing and even excusing worrying behavior to the detriment of those living around him.

lipstickwoman · 27/03/2023 09:13

Dirtydiesel · 27/03/2023 09:07

"mum took him straight back inside, is entirely mortified and doesn't need a neighbour, the police or anyone else telling her it's inappropriate."

The OP doesn't say that the mum took him back in and since he is regularly outside so it is possible that she doesn't know he had been out there naked. So she needs to be given this information.

But neither did she say he stayed outside (probably in a lot of danger) wandered off, ran towards anyone else or any manner of other things. Its all assumption. What I'm saying is there are many unknowns and jumping to conclusions

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 09:11

lala2023 · 27/03/2023 08:25

@Nimbostratus100

You are chatting absolute shit and I suspect you do not work with severely autistic people as claimed
Of course the mother needs to know about her son and the OPs daughter has every right to be distressed

dont be ridiculous - how would you possibly know who I have or have not worked with 😂

ChocSaltyBalls · 27/03/2023 09:08

FrostyFifi · 27/03/2023 07:45

I see the #bekind brigade as usual putting the feelings of women and young girls firmly at the bottom of the pile.

Yes

Dirtydiesel · 27/03/2023 09:07

"mum took him straight back inside, is entirely mortified and doesn't need a neighbour, the police or anyone else telling her it's inappropriate."

The OP doesn't say that the mum took him back in and since he is regularly outside so it is possible that she doesn't know he had been out there naked. So she needs to be given this information.

x2boys · 27/03/2023 09:05

Snorlaxing · 27/03/2023 09:00

If she'd stayed and chatted to him (I'm making a random assumption here about what he might have wanted ) then I suspect that OP's dd could have ended up being viewed with suspicion for her interaction with a vulnerable young man.
If he'd run towards a boy the same age or an older male adult would they also be told to be kind or would people understand why they'd leg it so they weren't considered perverts who were taking advantage of his disability?

He probably didn't want anything ,my severely autistic non verbal son would also.leave the house completely nude given half the chance ,because he doesn't like wearing clothes and he has no understanding that this is inappropriate,obviously we don't allow him to.do that but then half the chance he would .

Original poster
Meanswell · 27/03/2023 09:03

To make it clear. He stands outside usually in boxers. He was naked, i dont know his intent and nobody would know. However he was naked and if i went outside and saw that i would feel uncomfortable.
He didnt run in the house, my dds words were he sort of ran at me. He is much bigger than her.

OP posts:
Snorlaxing · 27/03/2023 09:00

If she'd stayed and chatted to him (I'm making a random assumption here about what he might have wanted ) then I suspect that OP's dd could have ended up being viewed with suspicion for her interaction with a vulnerable young man.
If he'd run towards a boy the same age or an older male adult would they also be told to be kind or would people understand why they'd leg it so they weren't considered perverts who were taking advantage of his disability?

saraclara · 27/03/2023 08:55

SunshineGeorgie · 27/03/2023 08:49

She didn't just see a naked male.... he RAN at her!

What was his intention?
What would have happened if she froze?

He "kind of ran towards her" is not necessarily running AT her.

She was absolutely right to be upset, but there's a kind of Chinese whispers going on in this thread where language is being used by people who weren't there, to up the ante regarding what happened.
We've already had several people who've said that he chased her into the house. He didn't.

Let's at least stick to what the OP told us, rather than making things up.

SunshineGeorgie · 27/03/2023 08:49

She didn't just see a naked male.... he RAN at her!

What was his intention?
What would have happened if she froze?

lipstickwoman · 27/03/2023 08:47

Equally shocked.

No suggestion from OP this has happened before. No suggestion he 'attacked' her daughter. No suggestion the young man was running around naked. Every chance this was the first occasion, mum took him straight back inside, is entirely mortified and doesn't need a neighbour, the police or anyone else telling her it's inappropriate.

IF it was happening numerous times then of course it's a safeguarding issue

In the meantime this mum may need applauding she's contained this for 16 years instead of son being labelled a pervert, a potential rapist or worse

x2boys · 27/03/2023 08:45

ArcticSkewer · 27/03/2023 08:42

Depends. Is he black? Arrest him with excessive violence then charge him with resisting arrest? Is he white working class? Same with a bit less violence? Middle class? Might get lucky there and be treated compassionately. Might not.

Show quote history

Have you any understanding at all.about severe autism🤔

Mum23amazingkids · 27/03/2023 08:45

IsaiditwasLighthearted · 26/03/2023 23:19

@Mum23amazingkids you can't say it wasn't sexual for sure. It might not be, it might be. Just because he has autism doesn't mean he isn't having the same sexual feelings/hormone surges as any NT 16 year old.

Most autistic children do not have the same sexual feelings the same way as an everyone else , specially low functioning kids . I say this from experience . The being naked is a sensory thing

x2boys · 27/03/2023 08:44

7notrumps · 27/03/2023 08:19

No female ever, for any reason, should be expected to tolerate such perversion.

Police now, no excuses.

Perversion?
Clearly it's not acceptable that a teenager who is severely disabled stands outside his house naked ,but we are not talking about a typical.teen by all.accounts this teen, has little or no capacity to.understand his behaviour as others have said it's a safe guarding issue for All involved .

ArcticSkewer · 27/03/2023 08:42

saraclara · 27/03/2023 08:39

What exactly do you think the police will do when faced with a non verbal teenager with apparent learning difficulties?

Show quote history

Depends. Is he black? Arrest him with excessive violence then charge him with resisting arrest? Is he white working class? Same with a bit less violence? Middle class? Might get lucky there and be treated compassionately. Might not.

saraclara · 27/03/2023 08:39

7notrumps · 27/03/2023 08:19

No female ever, for any reason, should be expected to tolerate such perversion.

Police now, no excuses.

What exactly do you think the police will do when faced with a non verbal teenager with apparent learning difficulties?

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 27/03/2023 08:30

I'm getting really worried about the very 2 dimensional thinking style which seems so popular right now.

Compassion for other humans does not have to mean pretending reality does not exist. It does not have to mean excusing or condoning actions. It does not have to mean ignoring safeguarding.

As an extreme example, good people work with murderers in prisons. When these prisoners need health care, doctors provide it. This is compassion for another person's humanity. It doesn't mean the prison wardens, cooks, chaplains, doctors think murder is ok, or the murderer didn't do it, or that people don't need to take precautions around a murderer.

"Be kind" is insidious and dangerous and plays right into the patriarchy.

Swipe left for the next trending thread