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Original poster

To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

533 replies

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:14

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/03/2023 22:31

@Meanswell personally I would be inclined to take the lead from your DD then. I would explain that he is non verbal and his challenges, as you understand them. If it really has upset her to the extent that she doesn't want to leave the house, tell her you will speak to the neighbour.

See what she says and if she wants you to broach the subject so as to make her feel safer, then do so in a calm and measured manner. I'd knock on and say "I know that your son doesn't understand, however he was outside naked the other day and came towards DD while she was walking the dog. She was scared. I have explained that your son doesn't understand but I also have to be aware that DD has felt anxious afterwards." See what she says.

If it happens again, then escalate, but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing at all.

bellac11 · 26/03/2023 22:31

All the posters making a judgement about his intent, its a huge risk issue for a young male, full of hormones but without the social skills, impulse control and recognitions of their own needs to be dsiplaying himself without clothes on

He has already caused distress to one young girl, he's likely to do this again unless he is supported to manage himself differently and/or likely to get attacked if he continues.

Amazed at people minimising this.

SNWannabe · 26/03/2023 22:30

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:29

i think this is a very sensitive subject and i really dont want to upset anyone with this.

I think i will message her tomorrow

It is sensitive, but it has upset your daughter so I would be concentrating on that tbh.

dryingontheradiatior · 26/03/2023 22:29

why is your DD being so dramatic? She's a teenager. Has she never spoken to this boy? Does she not understand autism? Is nakedness not usual in your family? Everyone's naked under their clothes, I feel her reaction is a touch extreme.

You can't be serious? If a stranger in public flashed you would your response be, "well, everyone is naked under their clothes". Ridiculous.

pncr · 26/03/2023 22:29

How often has he been outside naked?

SNWannabe · 26/03/2023 22:29

he's a child with autism, he was naked with no I'll intent.

How do you know that @MarchMadness23 ? He could want to hug or touch her- which is very much an ill intention from a naked teenager to a teenage young girl. And even if his intentions are not bad- he can still inflict damage by his actions.

Raineth · 26/03/2023 22:29

Keeween · 26/03/2023 22:22

Do you think she’s unaware of the situation and needs it brought to her attention? Do you think she’s not already doing all she can to keep him, and others, safe and comfortable? Do you think your input will positively and significantly change their day to day lives?
I get that this was somewhat distressing for your daughter but what could you possibly raise with this boys mother that would help the situation?!

Well if the boy’s mother is made aware that her son is chasing girls home, maybe she’ll keep even closer tabs on him. She’s probably in denial about the fact that, autism or not, he’s got a sex drive, he’s clearly interested in nudity and in teenage girls, and this situation needs intervention and help or one day he’ll be arrested for rape. The autism won’t prevent him growing into a strong man who can physically overpower girls. You’re very naive if you can’t see where this situation is headed.

If the mother was doing “all she can” the guy wouldn’t be naked in the street chasing girls. Doors have locks you know.

Original poster
Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:29

i think this is a very sensitive subject and i really dont want to upset anyone with this.

I think i will message her tomorrow

OP posts:
Boogismyname · 26/03/2023 22:28

I can see your concerns, OP.

CheeseMcKnees · 26/03/2023 22:28

If he was an 80 year old man with Alzheimer’s would people brush this away?

1000yellowdaisies · 26/03/2023 22:28

Keeween · 26/03/2023 22:22

Do you think she’s unaware of the situation and needs it brought to her attention? Do you think she’s not already doing all she can to keep him, and others, safe and comfortable? Do you think your input will positively and significantly change their day to day lives?
I get that this was somewhat distressing for your daughter but what could you possibly raise with this boys mother that would help the situation?!

So a teenage male can be naked in public and everyone just needs to ignore it because it may upset the mum? There's ways to handle it sensitivity but just allowing it to happen is not okay.

dryingontheradiatior · 26/03/2023 22:27

Very shocked that some of the responses on here are basically saying explain to your daughter why it happened, and leave it.

It is sad for the woman and her son but nobody should be chased by a naked person in public, at all, ever.

I would be notifying her and probably also logging with local police tbh.

CheeseMcKnees · 26/03/2023 22:27

I would politely contact the mother. If it happens again, the police.

Yes, it’s hard to have a child with additional needs but it is not acceptable.

Original poster
Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:27

She does understand autism however this isnt behaviour we have seen before. He is 16.

Also no we all dont walk around naked, however i’m her mother. She would not be concerned or scared if she saw me naked just probably a bit grossed out. This is unfair to say she is being dramatic. She is a young child.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 26/03/2023 22:27

if he’s non-verbal and a teenager he clearly won’t understand. Just ask your daughter to come and get you and then ring your neighbours doorbell and take him back inside.

SNWannabe · 26/03/2023 22:26

I have to disagree with people saying it’s not a big deal. It is. The mum should absolutely be told and she should be expected to stop her son from behaving in this way. It’s not an excuse to say he’s autistic and “doesn’t understand” as that wouldn’t be accepted as an excuse if he didn’t understand the law and stole things from shops.
No, teenage girls should
not have to just accept being accosted by naked boys or men outside their own door, no way. No she is NOT being “overly dramatic” about a naked teenaged boy running towards her. What a ridiculous thing to say.
@Meanswell Definitely raise it with the mum and if she doesn’t address it she is failing to keep her son and your daughter safe and I’d take it further- like social work or the (non emergency) police.

MarchMadness23 · 26/03/2023 22:25

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Original poster
Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:25

Its not that i dont think his mum knows but again i dont think its fair my daughter should be worried this will happen again.

I understand it must not be easy and they are trying their best however if you know it’s a risk try to mitigate it? I obviously don’t know the ins and outs of how hard it is to parent a child with autism but my first concern is my child

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/03/2023 22:24

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:23

she is a teenager, she is younger than him. I dont think she’s being dramatic, even though he doesnt mean it maliciously i think to be confronted with stranger naked running towards you you can be shocked.

Has it happened before? That he has been naked outside?

bellac11 · 26/03/2023 22:24

Yes she needs to know, she may need amendments to his care, or support package or safeguarding of him and others

Im amazed at some of the responses on here

Theunamedcat · 26/03/2023 22:24

How old is he?

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 26/03/2023 22:23

I think you're right OP, to safeguard your DD and to safeguard your neighbours son. If it were me I would definitely speak to her about your concerns.

Original poster
Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:23

she is a teenager, she is younger than him. I dont think she’s being dramatic, even though he doesnt mean it maliciously i think to be confronted with stranger naked running towards you you can be shocked.

OP posts:
Raineth · 26/03/2023 22:23

lipstickwoman · 26/03/2023 22:18

I'd just talk to your daughter and explain. Simple.

Your neighbour is probably completely mortified and doing the best she can. There was nothing malicious or pervy. Your daughter needs to understand there are people in this life who need some tolerance and understanding

Oh fuck off, no girls don’t need to be educated that they must be kind and accept that some men will flash them and chase them while naked.

OP text the boy’s mother if you have her number, or speak to her if you don’t. Keep it very calm and fact based. “Hi. My daughter is currently scared to leave the house because your son keeps standing out the front completely naked and recently chased her home, naked. I know the situation is very difficult. My daughter has a right to leave the house without being chased by naked men. What can you do to prevent this happening again?”

ToBeOrNotToBee · 26/03/2023 22:22

I'd go ape shit personally.