To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

Knowing someone does not mean always being aware of the intent behind their actions, especially in regards to behavior not previously exhibited.

He’s a teenager with sexual urges, who absolutely could have physically harmed her DD if he’d managed to catch her. Not meaning to inflict harm does not mean harm isn’t nevertheless inflicted.

Having zero tolerance to disturbing behaviours doesn’t mean he can’t be treated with compassion.

I mean.... it literally is.... that's not the main concern of it though, but it definitely constitutes an educational disadvantage.

I would speak to her in a 'just in case you weren't aware' way. Regardless of his disability it does need to be addressed. Not only to protect women and girls from discomfort, but also for his own dignity and safety. I'm quite surprised that the people saying 'leave it' haven't factored his own welfare into this, even if they feel your daughter's is unimportant.

@Danielle9891 Autism is not a learning disability.

I agree fully, but it seems this is also the first occurrence so it's not common? But most important is to make sure the lass knows she doesn't need to be afraid of him.

It's really hard to give advice but you can always go and ask to speak to his mother and hear what she has to say. But I'd probably have rang the police as he is either aware of what he is doing and poses a danger to other teens and children or he needs more support. He must have been left alone, as I know I would have noticed if I was in the house and someone was in my garden naked.
He's nearly an adult now and he's lucky that a parent didn't publicity shame him online or went down there and started shouting and screaming or worst. Not everyone will know he's got learning difficulties.

Firstly - don't listen to any of the posters saying your daughter was over reacting. Secondly, no one on this thread knows that boys intent, you included. He is ultimately a 16 year old male, full of hormones, so it is fairly likely he did have bad intent.

I would congratulate your daughter on thinking quickly and taking care of herself, on reading the situation and getting herself to a position of safety. This is a good opportunity to boost her confidence in taking care of herself.

I would absolutely talk to the boys mother about this, you are within your right.

It is impossible to know what is going on in that boy's home, no matter how good a neighbour you are. My partner worked in care homes with severly disabled/autistic males, a few of whom ended up there after trying to rape their mums. Ultimately they were strong young males with sexual urges.

Good luck op
X

I'm sorry but I absolutely do not agree with this at all.

Why should the daughter modify her behaviour to accept a naked male running towards her?? Regardless of disability, autism. Whatever.

If this young man is prone to taking his clothes off then his cries need to be taking better care of him. Not convincing a young girl to accept that behaviour!

I think it's outrageous that you are suggesting that it's OP's daughter that needs to change her behaviour.

And yes OP you need to speak to the mother.

You have to talk to his mum and tell her what's happened!, he cannot stand naked like this outside, ok he chased her but next time he could rape someone , he has working parts , he's a man ,he may not know its wrong , just like he doesnt understand he shouldn't parade outside naked, but he needs closer supervision by his carer , if he's mum can't do it perhaps he needs more carers !

@Mum23amazingkids how on earth do you know ‘It won’t be sexual in any way?

What a ridiculous assumption.

A 16yo with autism is almost certainly feeling sexual urges. We don't know what he was feeling in this situation, but to suggest he'd never be a risk becuase he's doesn't have sexual feelings is ridiculous and dangerous.

He also needs to be protected from harm by others.

I have just created my account because I was hoping to get some advice regarding something else. But your thread was the first thing I saw and after reading the first page of replies, I did feel people were asking too much about why etc.

My advice would be to tell your daughter exactly why you didn't think he had ill intent, but if he did, well he was naked, and if he tried to hurt her, just make sure she knows how to incapacitate him and remove herself from the situation. She's feeling vulnerable and you need to let her realise she wasn't, he was.

I think you’re doing the right thing talking to his parents. As much as he is non verbal and may have meant it in an innocent manner, it wasn’t taken as an innocent matter to your daughter. This gave her a fright, so much so that she doesn’t want to go out front again and that is not fair. Next time it could be someone younger.

It’s great you’ve spoken to your daughter and reassured her. Chat to the mum, be gentle and explain that you just wanted to let her know it happened. Be there to listen to her and support her. You are showing no judgement in your post so I know you won’t be judgemental when you chat to her. How she responds is on her, she may be angry but she may be angry out of upset and shock. You’re doing the right thing by your child and hers. He needs protecting too and would be horrible for him to come up against someone who is maybe not as understanding.

Totally agree about speaking to his mum (or dad? Or both?) and that this is a safeguarding issue for both your daughter or other witnesses and the boy.

However a bit shocked that people think that support/care help etc can somehow be arranged for the boy. I have two severely autistic DS and tying to get any kind of support or care for them is next to
impossible. Maybe this will help to get mute but the state social care is in...

‘It won’t be sexual in any way’

@Mum23amazingkids you don’t know that. Do you personally know him?

‘Also explain what autism is to your daughter so she can be prepared in case if any more “weird “ behaviour’

Explaining autism and excusing inappropriate behaviour are two very different things.

I agree. I'm aware of the issues with severe autism (family) but this is absolutely unacceptable.
Is he getting too physically strong for the mother to prevent him leaving the house now? Or was she just unaware he was out? Either way she needs to make sure he's not left outside, naked or not, for his own safety as well as others.

Speak to the mum 100%. I'm shocked at some of the responses on here. I am sympathetic to the issues but if he's going to do things like that when unsupervised then he needs supervision when he goes out, for others' safety as well as his own. It's that simple.

It's actually not a bad idea to, as pp have said, talk to police and ask them to go round and explain to the mother what has happened and that something needs to be done to prevent it happening again

Bollocks. OP clearly knows this family and has said in her original post no harm was intended. In THIS situation she is asking how to speak to the boys mother. I am asking if it's a one off is it necessary. The boys mother generally has things under control if it the FIRST AND ONLY time.

Nowhere have I said pervy behaviour needs accepting. I'm just saying a blanket zero tolerance attitude may be questionable and some UNDERSTANDING may be required

His autism doesn’t mean he’s incapable of sexual feelings, or indeed incapable of committing sexual assault. Of course in the event of the latter he may not be fully aware of what he’s done, but the damage has still been done to the victim.

I would also be calling the police tbh. What he did IS very serious, and needs to be treated as such.

Telling your daughter he’s harmless or didn’t mean to upset her would both be bad ideas. Apart from minimising her feelings no one can know what his intentions were when he chased her. Your poor DD.

Yes I agree with what your saying. What I meant was, see how DD feels in the morning and how badly affected she has been. Take the lead from how she seems, I suppose

However, I must admit, I did think that non-verbal autism was maybe a different kettle of fish and that it wasn't sexually motivated. Having read some of the other posts, it doesn't appear to be that clear cut. So OP, you need to do what you think is best for your DD, while also speaking in a measured way to your neighbour. Good luck.

As someone who works with KS5 students in an ASD provision, I can tell you that they most definitely have sexual feelings and need help to act in an appropriate way.

OP you are being very diplomatic and tactful towards your neighbour but you are right to protect your DD and so do need to say something.

You could call the police. Explain you know it was not done with I intent, but are worried both for your daughter and others who may see him AND his safety.

I did similar and the police dealt with the situation very sensitively. The issue had occurred near a school and I was very concerned that someone less familiar with profound autism might react with violence.

Autism or not, a young girl seeing an older naked male is going to be frightening.
Brushing off her fear is not fair on her.

I'm shocked at the comments telling a young girl to be more understanding.