To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

Teach your daughter to treat him with compassion. Of course she can come back in if she's uncomfortable. But no need to be scared of him

^

Wtf

So if your bigger and stronger neighbour decided to run at you, naked, what good intentions make that acceptable?

it’s reasonable, and wise, to fear someone that can cause you harm. This boy absolutely could have caused her physical harm, and has caused it mentally. She has every reason to be scared of him.

What? That nursing home needs looking at. That's a horrible dehumanising thing to do to the elderly and unwell.

And rightly so OP.

Unfortunately too many posters thinks she should! It’s a scary world we live in (and I don’t mean because of your neighbours son, but the minimising and excusing of his actions and the suggestion your daughter should accept this)

I was sexually assaulted by at 11 by a man who had a mental health condition similar to what OP has described here. And yes, I also heard some of the same comments about being kind or that he didn't know what he was doing echoed back to me too at the time (even though it was 25 years ago).

I'm glad you're not ignoring this OP and that you're helping your daughter. As much as I have empathy for this boy, your duty is keeping your daughter safe.

Given that it seems pretty clear from your message that this boy is very vulnerable, how is his mother being overprotective?

Haven't rtft but the majority of it and I'm shocked at the lack of compassion and understanding shown towards the boy. He clearly has severe learning difficulties and is also non verbal. Clothes may be painful for him to wear hence his nakedness. He's much more at risk of harm than the girl and his poor mother must be struggling with his behaviour. All the drama with comments along the lines of how young women should be able to go out without naked men chasing them. Ffs, he's not a nt man chasing her and he's not a predator. I doubt he's capable of attacking her and probably has no desire to do so. I hope he and his mum get any support they need and I would teach boys and girls some empathy and yes, basic human kindness. Boys and girls. Not every male is a sexual predator.

But neither you nor I know him. What makes you know his motives were harmful? I didn't suggest KNOWING anything. What I was suggesting to the OP was that her daughter doesn't need to be afraid of him. He's in the wrong. The op was asking about how to help her daughter because she was feeling scared about seeing a naked neighbour kid? She should not be scared of him. That's what I was suggesting. If he was being aggressive, which was not indicated in the original question, a little different, but he's naked, rip his balls off.

I think some of these replies have been crazy.

No one should be in a position where they have a naked teenage boy running at them, autism or not. Totally unfair on your daughter who is now anxious about it happening again. Sorry, but that’s just not on.

I would absolutely be speaking to his mother immediately and if it happens again I would phone the police.

I’d be concerned for his safety, the boy’s more than your daughter’s. He is showing no awareness at all for what nudity means, and that means that he will be a target for anyone who notices and could well be someone who just goes into someone’s car if they asked him.

Kids with SEN are more likely to be abused, bullied and targeted.

Having a kid with SEN I know it is difficult, and I have sympathy for the mum, but honestly I would raise this with someone as I worry for that boy’s safety. My friend has special locks on her front door because of her non verbal son, and it’s because of his safety.

I don't understand how some posters keep saying that the girl was in no danger, shouldn't have been scared or could defend herself. Unless she has been taught proper self defence I don't think a young teenage girl would stand much of a chance against a 16yo boy. Personally I think she did the best thing possible to run back inside and lock the door.

Again I definitely second the thought that non verbal autism somehow means a lack of sexual urges or intent. Perhaps, quite likely, a lack of understanding of the impact/ hurt that's being caused.

Personally I would as a first resort contact the mum but not in an apologetic way - factual but making it clear that it can't happen again. Who knows, perhaps a carer was supposed to be with him and wasn't paying attention, it could well be that she actually wasn't aware.

It's ok it happens. 😂 I wished this site would shade in or highlight when we quote someone so it shows who wrote what.

Hat is the big deal just tell her son was outside naked

autistic or not and if anyone saw him or not it’s not acceptable
just tell her there no need to mention your daughter just the fact he was outside naked

I'm struggling with your question tbh- surely you just go round to see her and say what happened - openly and the consequence - ie my daughter was scared. And then see what she says. She may be unaware - either in general that he is doing this or of this specific issue, in which case I suspect she'd be grateful to know. the worse case is that she either gets defensive or brushes it off - in which case you need to explain it is a problem that she needs to deal with otherwise it needs escalating- Does her son have a health worker/social service support do you know?
As for your daughter - i think just explain that this is just part of X's personality- he probably doesn't mean any harm but you are speaking to his parents and that she did the right thing in coming home

You need to tell the mum OP. Your daughter shouldn’t have to put up with this because he’s autistic. The behaviour needs to be stopped. It could escalate, you don’t know. If you play it down with your daughter she could be more at risk. Or she may not be. But it’s best not to take a chance.

‘He's nearly an adult now and he's lucky that a parent didn't publicity shame him online or went down there and started shouting and screaming or worst. Not everyone will know he's got learning difficulties’

No. These are your words.

Of course you're right to address it. Can't have naked blokes chasing people, let alone young girls, for any reason. By telling the mum you're giving her a chance to stop it repeating. You can be diplomatic/understanding, but your child comes first for you, and rightly so.

But maybe it’s perfectly reasonable to be afraid of him. What makes you think you know that his motives are not harmful?

Okay. I want the name and address of that nursing home because the CQC really needs to hear about that.

There are specialist garments for people who try to undress. Garments that mean that they are treated with dignity.

What you are doing would see the caring element of the report (treating residents with dignity and respect) being rated inadequate..

This had got far out of hand. To the woman asking the original question, I maintain the best thing you can do, assuming the neighbours kid didn't mean harm or genuinely try to cause harm, is reassure your daughter she could defend herself in that situation if it was worse, and give her advice how to. Also definitely shout loudly, let the neighbours know.

I think you've misquoted me I advised the OP to contact the police so the teen can either get more support (if he's standing naked in the garden then he's not getting it) or the police can keep an eye on him as he could be doing this on purpose. What happens if there's a next time and the girl doesn't have the sense to run away? Yes he might have done nothing or he might have hurt the girl.
I personally wouldn't forgive myself if I was OP and I didn't ring the police and he attacked someone next time.

Also, if he didn't understand what he was doing and I didn't get him help I'd feel bad if the next girl's parents saw red and hurt him. Many people would if they thought someone was flashing at their kid. Especially if they didn't know his age or background.

It doesn’t actually matter if he is on the spectrum - running about naked in public isn’t acceptable and chasing a young girl (or any person!) and frightening them naked or not is also unacceptable.

Your daughter doesn’t have to “understand” and/or accept the behaviour because he is on the spectrum. What if he did something even more inappropriate, should she accept that to????

I am shocked how many people appear to be of the opinion that a young girl being scared by this is “overdramatic” .

Contact the parents, they need to step in here and resolve this - before he behaves this way to somebody who doesn’t know him and calls the police