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Original poster

To wonder how I approach my neighbour about her nude son

533 replies

Meanswell · 26/03/2023 22:14

So i feel quite awkward in posting this but i am wondering the best approach as I don’t want to upset anyone but i need to protect my child.

A neighbour who lives near me has a teenage son with non verbal autism. He sometimes like to stand outside the front of the houses. Today my daughter was taking the dog out for a walk. He was outside naked with everything on display. My daughter stood in one spot and he kind of ran towards her. She came straight back in and locked the doo. I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but he was left alone for a couple of minutes.

I genuinely don’t want to upset his mum and I know he doesn’t understand why he cannot do that. My daughter feels quite shocked and said she will never go out the front again. I am now worried if he acts inappropriately again, how do I approach this situation gently.

OP posts:
Allblackeverythingalways · 27/03/2023 07:44

LuckyDonna · 27/03/2023 07:39

Some of these replies, effectively #BeKind to the 16 year old naked male who ran at her. Please don't ask your daughter to ignore her natural instinct to be afraid. We're supposed to fear naked adult sized males who run at us. We don't assess them for autism etc. we get away from them.
Also his mother, who is overprotective, has already done a good job on you if you are in any way questioning whether you should speak to her. She may not like it but she should be expecting it. Presumably if a naked male ran at her child, she would remain "overprotective ".

All of this.
I don't particularly care if he is autistic. This needs to stop before some meathead decides to take it onto his own hands anyway.
#bekind can fucking do one. She was intimidated, that's enough for this to be utterly wrong. For everyone.

CockPits · 27/03/2023 07:43

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:11

I dont think you should approach your neighbour at all, and if your daughter was genuinely upset, which I find weirdly oversensitive, then 5 minute sympathy, and move on

YOu are making a huge deal over a nothing.

Ridiculous comment.

“DD you’re saying a 16 year old ran at you naked and you were shocked and scared …. Oh well, you need to be more understanding, your feelings don’t matter I’m afraid”

LuckyDonna · 27/03/2023 07:39

Some of these replies, effectively #BeKind to the 16 year old naked male who ran at her. Please don't ask your daughter to ignore her natural instinct to be afraid. We're supposed to fear naked adult sized males who run at us. We don't assess them for autism etc. we get away from them.
Also his mother, who is overprotective, has already done a good job on you if you are in any way questioning whether you should speak to her. She may not like it but she should be expecting it. Presumably if a naked male ran at her child, she would remain "overprotective ".

ThePreacherLikesTheCold · 27/03/2023 07:38

I'm not even going to debate with the posters trying to minimise your daughters feelings.

But I will say that you should talk to the mum. We don't know if there was intent or not. But if you don't talk to her it might happen again to someone else, someone unknown to this boy and his disability, and who will report it. I'm sure his mum would rather hear it from you than from an officer knocking on the door because a passer by reported him to the police.

SugarMelonWater · 27/03/2023 07:37

I can't believe how lax you are about it. Sort your priorities out ffs. Who gives a fuck about you neighbour's feelings? Your daughter is possibly traumatised she said she won't want to leave her own house and all you care is how to be tactful? what a weird way to look at it. I'm infuriated on your daughter's behalf. Do you always put others feelings above your own daughter's?

Showersugar · 27/03/2023 07:34

he’s clearly interested in nudity and in teenage girls, and this situation needs intervention and help or one day he’ll be arrested for rape. The autism won’t prevent him growing into a strong man who can physically overpower girls. You’re very naive if you can’t see where this situation is headed.

There's no 'clearly' about any of this. My brother is profoundly disabled and went through a long (and for me very embarrassing!) nudity phase but it was part of a wider set of sensory issues that he ultimately grew out of. He had an extremely restricted diet around that same time and was hyper sensitive to sound.

There was nothing sexual about it whatsoever, and he's never presented with any sexually challenging behaviours even now into adulthood - he just couldn't tolerate the feel of clothing for a full day and they would start to come off on the school bus home (where he had a carer supervising him), usually the underwear would come off as soon as he stepped foot in our house. It started when he was only about 9 so not a big deal but did continue as he got older so needed some management for a few years.

My Mum would DEFINITELY have wanted to know if he had got outside or into our front porch like that, not just out of care for her neighbours but to safeguard him too. Have a gentle word with her OP, I'm sure she is used to having many a awkward conversation if she's parented a child with a disability for 16 years. Good luck.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:34

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 27/03/2023 07:26

Oversensitive, how would you feel if a naked man ran at you. Its not just the fact he was naked its the fact he went for her

Show quote history

I deal with young non verbal autistic men quite regularly, and someone naked running towards me, is not an unusual situation, nor a worrying one.

Someone just needs to be reminded again that we put our clothes back on after going to the toilet, that is the routine

lipstickwoman · 27/03/2023 07:33

'Went for her'. OP said he 'kind of ran towards her'

Strongboat · 27/03/2023 07:29

It is important for the son's wellbeing as well as your daughter's that he is kept safe. I would approach his mother from that angle. I hope your daughter is okay, it must have been a big shock to her.

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2023 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 27/03/2023 07:26

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:11

I dont think you should approach your neighbour at all, and if your daughter was genuinely upset, which I find weirdly oversensitive, then 5 minute sympathy, and move on

YOu are making a huge deal over a nothing.

Oversensitive, how would you feel if a naked man ran at you. Its not just the fact he was naked its the fact he went for her

Madamecastafiore · 27/03/2023 07:26

Autism or not it's a public order offence and needs to be taken seriously.

blebbleb · 27/03/2023 07:24

Concerned*

blebbleb · 27/03/2023 07:23

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 07:08

Did you go out and take him home? (I think you should have, he was in danger running about naked outside). And say to his mother I found him naked outside and he frightened my daughter really badly by running at her? Protect him and tell his mother the simple truth, he can't be allowed to act like that he will get into trouble, someone will call the police.

Maybe op doesn't want to accompany a naked teenager home? I'm sure she's concentrated about the boy too but she has no obligation to look after him.

ArcticSkewer · 27/03/2023 07:22

Twiglets1 · 27/03/2023 06:44

She is in her early teens and therefore old enough to understand that this young man was not doing anything malicious or dangerous. I would have a talk with your daughter rather than this young man’s mother tbh. He is only 16 - just a few years older than your own daughter so still a child himself really and one with special needs.

Well that's a confident statement based on absolutely nothing at all.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 27/03/2023 07:22

a young teenage girl is being “over sensitive” for being afraid when a naked 16 year old boy runs at her?

fuck me this place sometimes

vickibee · 27/03/2023 07:21

It could be that he has serious sensory iSsues and hates wearing clothes, it is however unacceptable and his mother should be told so she can support him in regulating his behaviour. He may have a social worker who can help as well. Clearly it’s unacceptable

ReformedWaywardTeen · 27/03/2023 07:21

As someone with a child with Asperger's I can understand how hard it is. But surely, surely, anyone with sense with a child who wanders off would lock the door?
DS had a habit of trying to wander off so we always had the front door locked.

I sympathise but he was naked and ran at your DD, a vulnerable aged child. The neighbour is lucky you're kind enough not to report to the police. I would suggest contacting social services, for the good of your child and the neighbours DS. He will end up arrested at some point of it's not dealt with.

CockPits · 27/03/2023 07:18

lovelychops · 26/03/2023 23:27

No you don't call the police on an autistic non verbal child 🙄

Show quote history

Yes you do in this situation.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:14

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 07:08

Did you go out and take him home? (I think you should have, he was in danger running about naked outside). And say to his mother I found him naked outside and he frightened my daughter really badly by running at her? Protect him and tell his mother the simple truth, he can't be allowed to act like that he will get into trouble, someone will call the police.

This. In my experience young men with this level of autism are unlikely to even know they are naked

blebbleb · 27/03/2023 07:11

I can't believe some people are just saying the daughter should ignore it and not feel any discomfort. Autistic or not, it's disturbing behaviour which his mother needs to address.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 07:11

I dont think you should approach your neighbour at all, and if your daughter was genuinely upset, which I find weirdly oversensitive, then 5 minute sympathy, and move on

YOu are making a huge deal over a nothing.

lipstickwoman · 27/03/2023 07:09

OrangeKnot · 27/03/2023 06:58

@lipstickwoman Why are you so confident as to the motives?! Autism or no he’s a 16 year old maelstrom of hormones.

No, OP, I would not be asking my daughter to just ‘accept’ someone flashing at her.

Im just not as confident as most on here that this boy is as much of a threat as a naked 16 year old without autism.

Beautiful3 · 27/03/2023 07:08

It could be that he likes seeing her.while he's naked. After all.hes gone through puberty and is.a.man. I've worked with disabled young.people.for 8 years. It amazes me when people think of them as non sexual people. That why it needs reporting to the police because autism or not, naked and chasing a female is.not appropriate.

Greentree1 · 27/03/2023 07:08

Did you go out and take him home? (I think you should have, he was in danger running about naked outside). And say to his mother I found him naked outside and he frightened my daughter really badly by running at her? Protect him and tell his mother the simple truth, he can't be allowed to act like that he will get into trouble, someone will call the police.

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