Husband promised to make decisions about investments together after we lost all our money last year. He broke the promise. Found out his friend has been encouraging him to invest without my input. Am I reasonable to be fuming?

@mumwhodances I know this is an old thread, but I wondered how the original poster is doing? I've been searching for threads like this is I've found my OH got himself into a similar situation. We are separating because he could have lost our home before he was found out. It's awful, scary, and I feel so sad for OH as its a mixture if being totally scammed but also the repetitive actions of gambling. So sad. Just wondered how you are doing. I had no doubt it was over as he put our financial security and future at risk.

If you were my DD I'd be telling you to jump ship while you still have some savings left.

He's a gambler. Doesn't matter whether he's blowing his JSA in William Hill or spaffing your household income and savings on a dubious return. He's a devious liar and won't change. Good luck with him.

you guys need to stop investing into some of this unverified platforms, i once fell victim to this ,it was a bitter experience, even thou intelalpha1 on telegram was able to help, but i will never advice anyone to continue investing, just find a job and invest into real estate.

He's gambling.

Get access to the private keys of all of the cryptocurrencies that you have and put them in a 2/2 multisig immediately.

That way neither of you can trade unless you both sign to approve it.

This is without doubt gambling addiction. The only reason he keeps investing is because he's chasing the big one. Kidding himself he will get his losses back one day. But that day won't come. This is make or break. He either stops or you end the relationship.

For context - I work in the financial markets (mainly London listed equities-facing).

Crypto and life sciences investments are often described here as 'not for widows and orphans'. That is to say, they are so high risk that they should only be for people who can afford to lose lots of cash. Not for people who need their savings for life security.

Your DH is on a hiding to nothing. Every other person I meet in the square mile as been a 'crypto millionaire' (on paper) at some point - it means nothing. If it ain't fiat and fully regulated, it's just high stakes poker.

If you want to invest, open an ISA that's heavily exposed to mature, dividend paying companies with strong balance sheets. Cash is bad, growth stocks are bad. (This is not financial advice btw. See a qualified financial adviser!)

the bigger problem is that your DH is untrustworthy and you're living rurally so job options are presumably limited. Find a job where you can work from home, and tell him that you make joint decisions on investments or you're seeking a divorse. His behaviour is NOT acceptable.

And please please please stop making 'high stakes investments'. You'll just lose everything you've both been working for.

I doubt he will change and it’s no good blaming the friend although I’d have nothing more to do with him.
You can try counselling but ultimately I agree that you need to be able to support yourself and your daughter.

I remember your last thread. I think I advised you both to stop these silly naive investments. You’ve lost so much.

His deception and sheer idiocy has ramped up somewhat. I don’t see anything good in the future of this relationship. I’m glad you’ve seen you need to work. Do you have a career you can return to?

With 10% inflation cash investments are losing value. There is no easy answer at the moment.

Wtf are you doing? Get away from this loser before he ruins you both financially. What's he going to do when he runs out of money? He will borrow and put you both in the shit. He doesn't care about you. Move on ASAP.

If you are only renting can you move somewhere that has better job prospects? You need to be financially independent so you can break away and secure your and your children’s future.

People may disagree with me, but even DH - who isn't averse to a bit of gambling, oops sorry high risk shares - has moved everything to cash in his pension and told me to do likewise. Stock market is in free-fall, so for the next year or more or less depending on conditions, cash is the only safe place to be.

Use this market to give yourselves a break. If you really want to give him a last chance this is it. Transparency on all the savings, and if he invests any without your knowledge you leave.

But yes you need a job, I wouldn't trust the guy either.

I assume you’re in rented accommodation. Do you have family you could move in with temporarily while you sort yourself out with a job?

It is mind blowing that, after (idiotically) gambling most of your savings on a high-risk investment, your husband wants to gamble what’s left on crypto. He’s either an idiot, an addict, or both. After reading your other thread too, I hold out very little hope that he will see the light.

It’s shit that his friend is encouraging it but that’s a minor issue.

You need to, in every way, cut your losses.

It kinda sounds like you both lack actual proper financial knowledge.

People who invest for financial independence do so in a very different way to what you and your husband have done and continue to do. The knowledge is freely available out there, it's just a longer more dull process than gambling on The Next Big Thing.

Your H's behaviour would be a total dealbreaker for me. Absolutely get sorted to bring in your own salary and prioritise this by whatever means possible. Then divorce the guy, before he pisses any more of your assets up the wall.

The friend is a red herring. Your problem is your husband.

I would be fuming too.

Even though you don't earn you are supporting his career by looking after your child who is the responsibility of both of you. I would certainly be returning to work though as you cannot trust him.

This man is not a friend and your husband has a gambling problem. Crypto is not investing.

YANBU you should be the one controlling all the money as he is not capable of doing it sensibly.

You need to get a job asap I'm afraid and get him to invest in your pension before he invests in anything else. You're funding him building up his earning potential and pension pot at the expense of yours in both those areas. Anything paid in your pension is completely untouchable by him and offers a little bit of future security.

And then get off the ship that is so clearly sinking.

It's incredibly sad what has happened, but the worst thing you can do now is think about that or even allow yourself to feel it. You need a life raft for you and DC. You cannot and will not be able to rely on him.

I'm sorry he's like this. He's not going to change though.

I would be fuming too! You had an agreement which he has completely disregarded, despite bad losses in the past. You are a family unit and it's not simply HIS money to risk.

You have to ask yourself if you can get the trust back - hopefully counselling will help you answer that. The fact he's sharing everything now is progress I guess, but is it too little too late?

For context, I am quite into crypto myself and I suggested to my DH that we invest a small % of our joint savings. We discussed and agreed it, and I manage it (he's got zero interest). BUT we both went into it knowing it was very high risk and we might lose it all, and that was our joint decision. It's also money we can afford to lose, not a house deposit or rainy day fund. And if he'd said 'no', I'd have respected that. Because we're a team.

They’ve lost 50k+ of their 60k house deposit savings and he’s barrelling on, it’s already gone almost completely tits up.

It’s time for OP to leave and stop allowing this man to gamble with her and her children’s current stability and future prospects.

My window cleaner is big in the world of crypto, told me 3 years ago he’s gonna be rich…he’s still washing my windows!

You need a full time job so you can have financial independence ready for when his gambling addiction goes completely tits up.

It's a gambling addiction essentially thinking that you can make back what you lost and more. You need to lock the money for the house deposit up for at least a year in a longer term savings bond so it's secure and there for the deposit when you need it. I would consider telling DH to cut ties with this 'friend' who obviously doesn't have either of your best interests in mind