To ask if you ever get over a parents death

There are so many wise words here, so I won't add to them.
All I would say is: give it time. (and 'Time is new' used to be one of my DM's sayings. I've lost her recently and this really echoes with me.)

I’m in a similar situation. My mum died over 30 years ago and there are days when it still hits me hard.

But I had a mum who loved me and cared for me so well - that makes me very lucky.

I think this is one of the side effects of being so removed from death nowadays.

I went to the funerals of a number of great aunts and uncles, beloved uncles, cousins and grandparents before I had to deal with the loss of a parent.

Of course you will grieve, of course it will change you, of course you will always miss them. That's the other side to having so much wonderful love in your life.

If you've never been through a grieving process before the shock of it makes it all that much harder. But you will get through it because their love is always with you, it is what has made you you,

As this forum is anonymous, I can be truthful.

It was awful when my dad died. Watching him get weaker, watching my grandparents grieve, seeing my friends with their dads, not having him walk me down the aisle or meet my children (I was only 21, he was 57).
But I think it would’ve been worse if I’d lost my mum. She’s always been the steadying force in my life, my rock, the one whose advice I took and still take, and I can’t imagine mothering my children without my own mum.

I didn’t love my dad less, obviously. But I knew I would eventually be able to move forward with my life after my dad passed, taking the memories of him with me wherever I go. I couldn’t have said the same if it had been my mum. I would’ve been completely lost.

I do still feel incredibly sad sometimes. I wish we’d had more time together. The intense pain eventually subsides and you’re able to talk about them and smile instead of cry. But you never really get over it. It changes you as a person and it shapes your life. The only people who really get it are other people who have had a similar loss. I became friends with someone 3 years ago who had lost her dad at the same age as me. It made me feel close to her quite quickly, and I know she understands the ebbs and flows of grief far better than any of my other friends can.

You do.

At first the shock takes your breath away and after that for me there was a lot of pain. I did have periods where I wondered whether I would feel properly happy again. I did. It was noticeable around the ten month mark.

Second time round I knew that I would be ok and I also had grief counselling which I would highly recommend.

You will always miss them but you will be ok. X

My father died 12 years ago when I was in my early twenties. It was truly awful for the first year(s) and it has fundamentally changed who I am as a person but not necessarily for the worse.

I’ve never liked the saying ‘time heals all wounds’ and don’t believe that it does but in my experience the pain and sadness has become more manageable. I liked the PPs description of the waves of grief becoming further apart with time. Although I get sad around birthday, big life events and anniversaries and I do still miss him and think about him often these thoughts are now largely positive ones, like remembering happy memories that bring a smile to my face. I’ve also always liked the belief that a PP shared about them always being a part of you for the rest of your life. The love they have given you and how they have imparted their qualities and experiences on you has helped shape who you are and that is something you will always have, even when they are no longer physically here.

I’m sorry you are going through this and wish you strength 💐

My Dad died 6 weeks ago, his last few weeks weren't kind ones for him.

I hope to God that it does get easier. I don't think I've ever cried so much and for so long, I'm exhausted and I can't believe he's gone.

You get used to it never over it. It’s hard to explain. I live my life & function day to day, i’m happy etc but sometimes out of nowhere it’ll hit me & i’ll cry as sometimes i just really want my mum. It’s 15 years since my mum died so she never got to meet my kids & it makes me sad they didn’t get to have her in their lives.

my dad died last year & that was also sad & end of an era i suppose as i’m like an orphan now but whilst it was sad it was nothing like the devestation i had / have losing my mum who was the person i was closest to than anyone in the world

My Mum died when I was 37, 3 months before my wedding. You don't get over it, you learn to live with it.

It does get easier as time passes. Hugs OP x

I’m 6 months in. Some weeks are harder than others and I’m not sad all the time, sometimes I’m really happy but it’s always there and it can get overwhelming at times. In a weird way I don’t want to get over it, it’s definitely changed me but I’m ok with that, it feels right if that makes sense.

I remember feeling quite panicky about this before my mum died. Yes, it does change you - but that's ok. Yes, you can cope. Yes, it is 'ok'.
It is also really terrible but you get used to it! Very sorry about your mum's diagnosis.

I lost my dad a few years ago. It happened quite suddenly but we had long enough to say our goodbyes and start to try to process things. The time leading up to his death was surreal, it didn't feel real. I was on autopilot I think. Afterwards it was a barrage of messages and support and planning and then life just sort of resumed. It was that time that I found the hardest I think, everyone else going back to normal except for me and my family there was this huge void.

Years on, things do get better and you adapt to the absence in your life but do you ever really get over it? Not sure. I go about life and mostly think I'm doing fine then sometimes I'll just be overcome with emotion and miss him so much. It's particularly hard for my dc who miss their grandad. My mum hasn't been the same since either. Our whole family dynamic has changed.

Sorry I'm rambling but I guess my point is that things won't be the same and you will always be a bit sad but time does heal and you will be ok. Sending lots of love to you.

I’m so sorry 💐

My mum died 2 years ago and I still haven’t come to terms with it, doubt I ever will. I drove to work crying today, that wave of grief was really strong. 3 years since lockdown and mum died of covid.

I have found it has changed me, the waves of grief used to be constant and they are now further apart but hit me just as hard when they come.

No, my DM died 32 years ago when I was 24, I think about her everyday and I feel sad that she never saw me get married, never met my DH, never knew I had 2 DC, never had her help around with DC, always felt envious of school mums who had loads of help from Grandparents. Friends/family/colleagues don’t know about my sadness, it’s just there, part of me, everyday. Bless you and your mum 💐

Everyone grieves differently but I think the the lead up to heaven expected death is worse. All concerned are worried not just for themselves but for each other.

My dear Dad died nearly 3 years ago. Someone asked me once over the last 3 years how I was and I said I was fine. I had no regrets, as in we had a relationship based on love and admiration and I believe that's helped in my grieving.

You move on. And live with it.
I lost my dad 13 years ago from an aggressive Cancer which took him quickly which was a massive shock at the time.
I miss him very much but can talk about and remember him now without crying.
it gets easier

You have good and bad days.
The good days are when you say or do something you know they'd do. You feel their spirit. Or when the children remember a characteristic of theirs and we laugh.

Bad days are when you cant remember their voice or how they made you feel when they'd say something to you. Or you worry they didn't know you appreciated all the good things they did sacrifices they made for you more. You wished you'd paid attention to who they were. You know it's too late now.

It definitely gets easier but I allowed myself to grieve and remember. Cry laugh and be thankful I had a great mum.

My dad died without warning in December and I’m still reeling. I’m hoping time heals somewhat, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over it; just hoping the pain dulls at some point.

Yes, IMO. By the time you’re my age, most people have lost one or both parents. It’s hard at the time, but, I think, because it’s a universal experience, and ‘the natural order’, you do get over the grief. My memories now are the good ones.

My dad died 5 years ago a few days after my 40th birthday.

you get used to it but it still hurts

I don’t think you ever get over it. You just learn to live with it.

My parents both died last year unexpectedly, 4 months apart. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, but I’ve heard from others that the space around it grows. I’m so sorry you are going through rhis. It’s so hard losing your parents. My world is forever changed.

It does get easier, but I'm not sure I will ever stop missing mine. Or my grandmother. And I remember being a bit surprised at hearing my own very elderly grandmother talking about her parents as if she missed them. Now I have lost her, and both my own parents, I can understand that. It has been 7 years since I lost my mum and at times it is almost unbearable, but those times are now few and far between. Most of the time I can remember her with pleasure rather than with grief.

Not sure you ever get over it. DM died 7 years ago and I regularly have a silent tear (at least once a month) sometimes when I read a post like this and miss her.

However ultimately life does ‘move on’ and I know she wouldn’t want me to spend my life thinking about it, I have my own children who deserve my whole self if that makes sense and my own life to live. It does get easier but never 100% goes away.