To not allow DD to sleepover with her boyfriend

My best friend's parents had a similar attitude to mine about these things so like any creative teenager, she and her boyfriend had to improvise. As beds in homes were not an option, they found themselves in an alleyway, by this point a bit frustrated by their inability to express their love in an adult way and got a bit carried away. They were inexperienced and not in a comfortable position, and as they were just getting going, he slipped and went in the back way. Fell in, if you like. Dry and with some impetus. It was a genuine accident btw, he wasn't one of 'those' men. The result wasn't pretty and required medical help. Oh how we laugh about it now (one of my favourite teenage memories in fact) but it so wasn't funny at the time.

I'm not saying this is something I'd be happy with but I am interested in your reasoning as you say it's not about the sex (we all know they'll do that how and when they want to regardless of sleepovers and sharing rooms and beds or not). So if it's not the sex but she's 'too young', what is it she's too young for? To learn about a committed, trusting relationship while maintaining good communication with her parents? I don't mean that to be goady, I am genuinely interested.

My girls are younger than this so I have it all to come and I am dreading it. However my experience with my own parents means I certainly will avoid doing flat out 'no' answers to things and giving vague 'too young' explanations. In our house that sort of attitude made me feel I couldn't have discussions about relationships, sex and everything that goes with that including boundaries, safety etc. I felt I had to keep everything undercover and lied to them non-stop and I floundered, I really did. I took me a very long and difficult time to learn about mature and sensible relationships and I made a lot of mistakes, all avoidable. I cannot have my daughters feeling or doing what I did.

It was a year ago, I'm assuming she's made the decision by now.

Haha, that doesn't make any difference. I was 18/19 and remember bf sleeping over and us sneaking into each others rooms.

I would say no she's to young and as I've pointed out already sleeping arrangements don't matter. Unless someone is going to sleep in the same room to.make sure they don't sneak around.

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I used to stay over at my BF house when we were 15. I used to sleep in his sisters room and sneak in to him after his parents went to bed and we'd do everything bar have sex

God I'm dreading mine being teenagers 😳

Stand firm OP. It honestly didn't do me any harm (we didn't have full sex despite numerous sleep overs and we were together for 18 months) but you've already said no so don't back down.

Yabu.

If they are merely sleeping then why is there a need for her to stay over? It isn't too far to collect her so collect her after the party.

No, you can't stop teens having sex but you can stop facilitating it especially for one under the age of consent no matter how mature they think they are. How many unplanned pregnancies are there on MN from adults? What do you think the failure of contraception rate is for teens?

I had a sleepover at my boyfriends (16) when I was 15. Separate rooms. He sneaked in when everyone was asleep, and yes, we had sex.

If you agree this, know that your daughter will almost certainly be having sex

Absolutely not, she's 15, there's no discussion to be had.

@hula3s See my comment above ^ If teens want, they will find a way. On occasion I'd let my boyfriend in for a shag and then let him out again. Separate rooms didn't stop us.

I used to shag my boyfriend in the dead of night on the living room floor when my parents tried to implement this type of 'arrangement'.

YANBU. After a party is not the time to allow a first sleepover.

Well they want to have sex with each other, so if you are OK with that then yes, let them. Otherwise, no.

Legally, almost 16 is still 15. Therefore it's not legal and that does make a difference.

@hula3s YANBU

To add to my previous comment. I was sexually active at 15, it didn't scar me for life; no lectures please, I'm in my 40s now in a professional job. But I never had sex when parents were in the house. I expect your daughter is likely to be similar.

Before saying no I’d speak to the boyfriends parents to understand where she’ll be sleeping. If it’s separate rooms I think it’s fine.

Agree with this.
My dd is 15. No boyfriends yet, but if she had one then I would not allow this. As a teenager I wasn’t allowed any boys in my bedroom at any time. I didn’t feel deprived, it actually helped me enforce boundaries on my boyfriend when I was 17 and not ready for a sexual relationship.
I also agree about respect mentioned by pps.

The maturity of 15-year-old girls is very uneven. My DD is 16, and quite responsible, able to assert her own boundaries, very aware of safety, consent issues, etc. It doesn't stop me worrying about her. I think my answer would have been a no at 15 (and she probably would have been grateful for the excuse to say no), but the decision really is yours, as you know your DD best.

I'd have to say no she can't sleep over. I'd say that as the parent of the boy as well. I have a teen ds and a pre teen ds. No way I'd allow a 15 year old girl to stay over night. Not worth the risk, and they could end up in big trouble.

Definitely keep on with sex education at the same time. If they do end up sneaking around, at least you've done everything you can do as a parent to keep them safe.

Over 16 could be a slightly different. At least then they are legally age of consent. Still hammer home sex education though.

It depends on the actual young people involved. There is no “standard 15 year old daughter”.

lf your daughter is going to have sex, preventing her from going to this family event is not going to make any difference. You will though drive an (in my view) unnecessary wedge between you and your daughter when there are no safety issues.

l’m in my 40s and my late mother was the person some friends turned to for help rather than their own mothers. Which person do you want to be?

How far away do they live?

I agree no sleepover in the same room.

My parents definitely had a backchannel to my boyfriend's parents at that kind of age.

She is a very young teen. She should be focusing on education, career aspirations, fitness, and other foundations of a healthy productive life.

Not on prematurely latching on to some boy. Or being in a "relationship " for gods sake.

Show some leadership and nip this in the bud.