Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find the suburbs a bit depressing?

238 replies

StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 14:09

I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I really do always feel depressed when I visit city suburbs that friends and family live in, and they’re spread around the country so I can’t even say it’s one particular place.

We visited some friends at the weekend who have recently moved to the suburbs of a medium sized city. Honestly, after 2 days I felt so depressed, yes the weather wasn’t great which doesn’t help as nowhere looks great in grey, gloomy weather but, as usual, it was just rows and rows and rows of almost identikit housing, interspersed with the odd kebab shop, Tesco express and laundrette.

We took their dog for a walk in their local park on the Saturday, it was heaving, dogs and kids everywhere, we witnessed a fight between 2 dogs and then their owners (though that wasn’t physical thank god) I’m not surprised to be honest as there was just no space for people or dogs to get away from one another. It just felt so busy and oppressive.

The traffic was so heavy all day and night, going in and out of the city. We went out into the city on the Saturday night and had to get taxis anyway as they’re nearly 3 miles out of the city and too cold to walk there and back in the eve.

The house prices in those suburbs are pretty extortionate and friends were sort of bragging that they now live in the area, I made all the right noises as horses for courses, but I just kept thinking how is this worth all that money, everyone on top of each other, no nice scenery or culture and putting up with the traffic and poor air quality and the same 2.4 children, SUV type set up everywhere!

I said to DH on the way home, I feel depressed and he joked ‘you always do when we go to suburbia’ and he’s right. Does anyone else feel that way 😳

OP posts:
Fringebenefts202 · 07/03/2023 16:43

Me too op. I would rather be bang in the centre of town, or out in the wilds, but as always, there are economic and practical factors at play.

KimmySchmitt · 07/03/2023 16:42

@Wiennetta Does anyone actually want to live there or is it just a practical option when your priorities are a driveway and three bedrooms? It just seems like people move to the suburbs as a sensible, practical choice.

What's wrong with that? Is a detached Barratt home with overlooked garden everyone's dream home? No, but it genuinely will be some people's (look on Instagram! Some people lap that up). Is it the best some people can afford while balancing full-time work, a family, a social life etc? Almost definitely.

@StripeyNighty but for me, they just seem to be the worst of both worlds as quite often you’re not near enough to walk into the city, but also not near any proper countryside or beaches etc either.

But you likely have a driveway literally on your doorstep (unlike the city) with a car that can get you to either of those places fairly easily, or a train station or bus stop within easy reach (unlike the countryside). So that's why for a lot of people it's the best of both worlds.

But I'm also confused about what you class as a suburb because I think of towns near cities as suburbs, but it doesn't seem you do OP?

allfurcoatnoknickers · 07/03/2023 16:41

@DashboardConfessional I used to live in Manchester and would class Didsbury as a village (town?) in its own right, rather than a suburb. It's got loads of stuff going on. My best friend still lives there and has everything on his doorstep, including his work - rarely has to drive everywhere

To me, a suburb is a dormitory community with rows and rows of identical houses with no space between them and few to no amenities that you don't have to drive to. I suppose that's not a technical or official description though.

BourbonBon · 07/03/2023 16:40

StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 16:38

You’ve just described exactly how I felt over the weekend. So claustrophobic with so many dogs, kids and people with the bit of green space within walking distance from their house (the park) just rammed with dogs, kids and bikes.

When I exclaimed over the traffic, my friend said ‘this is nothing, you should see it at school pick up time’ I swear I physically shuddered as I can only imagine.

Show quote history

I don’t go out at school pick up time, it’s not good for my blood pressure.

Original poster
StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 16:40

Testino · 07/03/2023 16:38

Are rows and rows of terraced houses in the city not 'identikit' as well?

Is it about the houses or the general feel of the areas?

No to be fair, it’s not about the houses really. It’s more of a general feel of the area/s.

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 07/03/2023 16:39

I found suburbia a functional place to live whilst kids were young but can kind of see your point. I hated walking the dog round the housing estate but very fortunately we were only 15 minute walk or a short drive from a country park and rolling fields.
City living wouldn’t be my cup of tea personally I’m edging slowly out of suburbia until im off grid!

Testino · 07/03/2023 16:38

Are rows and rows of terraced houses in the city not 'identikit' as well?

Is it about the houses or the general feel of the areas?

Original poster
StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 16:38

BourbonBon · 07/03/2023 16:26

I agree, I live in a highly regarded suburb and I hate it, exactly how you said, people, kids and dogs everywhere. I went out at 5:30am this morning just to walk in isolation and there were already dog walkers everywhere. Every bit of green is built upon, dog shit everywhere, identical “doll house” houses everywhere, constant parking arguments … a few weeks ago I went out for a walk at 6:30am and there were 4 deer strolling around the streets. We have built on their land and now they have nowhere to go. Poor bastards.

I want to move into the countryside and live in peace away from the joggers and cyclists and barking dogs and screaming kids. It’s claustrophobic but oh so much worse in summer.

You’ve just described exactly how I felt over the weekend. So claustrophobic with so many dogs, kids and people with the bit of green space within walking distance from their house (the park) just rammed with dogs, kids and bikes.

When I exclaimed over the traffic, my friend said ‘this is nothing, you should see it at school pick up time’ I swear I physically shuddered as I can only imagine.

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 07/03/2023 16:34

So - Didsbury in Manchester. Roundhay in Leeds. Morningside in Edinburgh. Chesterton in Cambridge. Stoke Bishop in Bristol. These are all examples of really well regarded suburbs but I suspect the OP actually means "big housing estates" in somewhere like, I dunno, Wokingham? Hard to know without at least a county.

NeedToChangeName · 07/03/2023 16:32

Depends how you define suburb, I guess

This looks pretty depressing simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suburb#/media/File:Cincinnati-suburbs-tract-housing.jpg

But I feel I have the best of both worlds. 10 mins drive from city centre. 30 mins to the countryside

Pemba · 07/03/2023 16:32

Growing up in a village, long journeys on the school bus every day after primary. Rarely seeing my school friends as could not get to their villages (mum didn't drive, dad worked long hours). Not being able to get into town easily to see friends, buses were infrequent. All bad for teenagers! I can see a village might be lovely for younger kids.

roseslovewater · 07/03/2023 16:31

Agree OP! Also the fact that mostly you can't walk anywhere exciting easily. You need to get a bus or drive. I like to go on foot, to have things within reach. I find suburbs a bit soulless.

MasterBeth · 07/03/2023 16:30

Suburbia means so many things:

Barratt estate miles from anywhere or handsome Edwardian homes near a well-to-do-high street?
Have to drive or on a tube line?

Three miles from Bristol city centre or forty miles from central London?

I've lived in the suburbs for a lot of my life but in very different kinds of places.

Pemba · 07/03/2023 16:28

Hate living in a village, (I grew up in one) everyone knows your business, no privacy. And if you don't drive, forget about it. In the city could be good, depending on the city, but I like a bit of greenery. Cities can be noisy and have problem areas.

So a nice suburb is the best of both worlds for me.

IkBenDeMol · 07/03/2023 16:26

We have deer and hills in suburban Glasgow. Not everywhere is London and the SE.

BourbonBon · 07/03/2023 16:26

I agree, I live in a highly regarded suburb and I hate it, exactly how you said, people, kids and dogs everywhere. I went out at 5:30am this morning just to walk in isolation and there were already dog walkers everywhere. Every bit of green is built upon, dog shit everywhere, identical “doll house” houses everywhere, constant parking arguments … a few weeks ago I went out for a walk at 6:30am and there were 4 deer strolling around the streets. We have built on their land and now they have nowhere to go. Poor bastards.

I want to move into the countryside and live in peace away from the joggers and cyclists and barking dogs and screaming kids. It’s claustrophobic but oh so much worse in summer.

Original poster
StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 16:24

whatadayforadaydream · 07/03/2023 16:17

Right, well people like different things.

Suburbs are often convenient becuase they tend to be near cities. Also, not everyone has the choice or privilege to live in a delightful village or bustling city or quaint market town.

FWIW, when we were looking to relocate we looked at some lovely villages but quickly realised that it would be awful to be stuch in a village with small kids with only a postoffice and pub for communal facilities. They were beautiful, but we wanted a bit more going on. We didn't want to live in a city due to the choices of cities and the cost/ crowding/ traffic aspect. We aren't in suburbs now, but I can see why it's convenient and might appeal.

I get that, but the suburbs that my friends all live in are expensive, honestly the housing really isn’t any cheaper, in fact more than if you lived in a nearby town or village and I’ve found this to be the case with a lot of suburbs, particularly those outside major city centres, some of the prices are eye watering.

Like I said, I get why people like suburbia, but personally, for whatever reason I’ve always found it depressing and it isn’t somewhere I would brag about living like our friends did at the weekend.

OP posts:
IkBenDeMol · 07/03/2023 16:24

I live in a suburb. Feeling quite hard done by though as we don't have a Tesco express, kebab shop or launderette.

Love living here, we're right on the edge of the city but the city centre is within easy reach, fields at the back of my house with deer, regularly hear owls at night. Loads of families around.

But everyone's different. Living in Zone 1 London would be my absolute hell but some people enjoy it.

KimberleyClark · 07/03/2023 16:24

I don’t think I’m understanding what is meant by suburb here. I think of where I live as a suburb but it’s only ten minutes out of the city centre. I live five minutes walk away from a busy street with cafes, shops and a pub. Also a few minutes walk from two parks, one mixed woodland and fields and one garden park. Also half an how’s drive away from mountains and coast.

VivaciousRadish · 07/03/2023 16:22

Please can someone give me examples of places that are ‘suburbs’ because I don’t know what they are (I don’t live in a city or that near one, but I’m not in the countryside, however in the town I live in, lots of people commute to London.

WallabyWay · 07/03/2023 16:18

Does anyone actually want to live there or is it just a practical option when your priorities are a driveway and three bedrooms? It

I actively want to live here. I've lived rurally, in a city centre and I currently live in the suburbs. For me it's my preferred option.

Arapawa · 07/03/2023 16:17

Agree OP. I felt that way even as a child visiting older relatives in their houses. I feared that was ahead of me. It wasn't, luckily.

whatadayforadaydream · 07/03/2023 16:17

Right, well people like different things.

Suburbs are often convenient becuase they tend to be near cities. Also, not everyone has the choice or privilege to live in a delightful village or bustling city or quaint market town.

FWIW, when we were looking to relocate we looked at some lovely villages but quickly realised that it would be awful to be stuch in a village with small kids with only a postoffice and pub for communal facilities. They were beautiful, but we wanted a bit more going on. We didn't want to live in a city due to the choices of cities and the cost/ crowding/ traffic aspect. We aren't in suburbs now, but I can see why it's convenient and might appeal.

Wiennetta · 07/03/2023 16:15

You’re not alone! Hate the suburbs. Does anyone actually want to live there or is it just a practical option when your priorities are a driveway and three bedrooms? It just seems like people move to the suburbs as a sensible, practical choice.

Yes, there are some ‘nice’ or ‘leafy’ suburbs but to me it’s the worst of everything - you don’t have the space and views you’d get in a more rural location and you don’t have the easy access to everything of a city centre. Friends who live in suburbs still have to drive/commute to eg work, social stuff, kids activities etc. Don’t have loads of space as in major cities at least the suburbs are still very pricey.

I live in a city centre and love it - I can walk to the museums, galleries, restaurants, bars etc.

Original poster
StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 16:12

For people asking where I live. I grew up rurally, moved to a city after university, lived there for a few years and loved it, always felt alive and it had beautiful architecture, then met DH and we moved to a pretty market town, in a small cottage, about 2 mins from the town centre, could walk to all of the shops and pubs etc in a couple of minutes. Then, 2 years ago, mainly due to the dogs and wanting a bit of land for them and DC, we moved to a rural village, which is beautiful and I am so thankful every morning when I draw my curtains for the views and peace and quiet, clean air etc. I also love going into the nearest city which is a 25 min drive away, and again, feel so alive when I’m there. But driving through the suburbs to get there I just find depressing, so much traffic, constantly stop start, stop start with roundabouts and traffic lights, people trying to get out to the various retail parks now on the edge of the city, in the suburbs. It just all feels grey and soulless.

I’m not completely dense (promise 😉) Like PP have said, I get the appeal to a lot of people as they are often easy access to the city and out to more greener areas, but for me, they just seem to be the worst of both worlds as quite often you’re not near enough to walk into the city, but also not near any proper countryside or beaches etc either.

Perhaps I’ve just been unfortunate and have only seen not very nice suburbs, but the housing seems so expensive in them and personally I’d rather be city/ town centre or out in the countryside somewhere.

OP posts: