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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find the suburbs a bit depressing?

238 replies

StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 14:09

I know I’ll get flamed for this, but I really do always feel depressed when I visit city suburbs that friends and family live in, and they’re spread around the country so I can’t even say it’s one particular place.

We visited some friends at the weekend who have recently moved to the suburbs of a medium sized city. Honestly, after 2 days I felt so depressed, yes the weather wasn’t great which doesn’t help as nowhere looks great in grey, gloomy weather but, as usual, it was just rows and rows and rows of almost identikit housing, interspersed with the odd kebab shop, Tesco express and laundrette.

We took their dog for a walk in their local park on the Saturday, it was heaving, dogs and kids everywhere, we witnessed a fight between 2 dogs and then their owners (though that wasn’t physical thank god) I’m not surprised to be honest as there was just no space for people or dogs to get away from one another. It just felt so busy and oppressive.

The traffic was so heavy all day and night, going in and out of the city. We went out into the city on the Saturday night and had to get taxis anyway as they’re nearly 3 miles out of the city and too cold to walk there and back in the eve.

The house prices in those suburbs are pretty extortionate and friends were sort of bragging that they now live in the area, I made all the right noises as horses for courses, but I just kept thinking how is this worth all that money, everyone on top of each other, no nice scenery or culture and putting up with the traffic and poor air quality and the same 2.4 children, SUV type set up everywhere!

I said to DH on the way home, I feel depressed and he joked ‘you always do when we go to suburbia’ and he’s right. Does anyone else feel that way 😳

OP posts:
OldFan · 07/03/2023 20:04

I grew up in a village and it was worse to me to be fair. No hope and total isolation vs potential slight hope and pretty much total isolation. Grin

allfurcoatnoknickers · 07/03/2023 20:00

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 07/03/2023 17:35

Agree @StripeyNighty I HATE the suburbs. Having lived in a small town, several cities, a large town, and a village (as well as a suburb,) I have to say hate the suburbs.

I hate the cul de sac within a cul de sac within a cul de sac within a cul de sac design, the bus stop being a minimum of 10 to 15 minutes walk away, the shops often being too far away to walk (coz if you buy anything it's too far to walk back,) no nice or decent walks anywhere, (as you can walk for 20 minutes and still be surrounded by houses,) and there's often no secondary school for 2 - 3 miles.

Houses all look the same, there's no community, (or community services or community spirit,) there's often no GP surgery, and it's full of rude and ignorant and hostile people who don't have anything to do with anyone except the neighbours either side.

I live in a village now with 400 people. Parish hall, community groups, 2 pubs, a Church, hobby groups and support groups, little school with 37 children, nursery, Sunday school, buses into the market town 3 miles away every hour, several childminders and petsitters, and everyone speaks when they see you. Only thing it 'lacks' is a secondary school, but a school bus goes there and back every day. Couldn't pay me to move to a suburb again.

This is almost an exact description of where I grew up 😬.

Hamster1111 · 07/03/2023 19:51

I live in a SE market town, albeit in the town centre. I feel the same way as you, but the opposite. Whenever I visit friends in London, I always come away thinking it's too busy, dirty, and even the nice areas / streets are right next to dodgy looking ones. It's not for me, but they'd probably die of boredom living where I do!

OldFan · 07/03/2023 19:49

Harbone, Birmingham.

@StripeyNighty I don't think Harborne is so bad (depending how far you are from the high street I suppose) as there's quite a bit of stuff on the High Street. Try Kings Heath- or much worse still, Kings Norton. Grin

So glad I live in the city centre now at last.

phoenixrosehere · 07/03/2023 19:48

Crikeyalmighty · 07/03/2023 19:41

@phoenixrosehere yes it was good- pricey but you can see why- same as where we live at moment - a mile and a half out of Bath - on the very very regular Uni bus route and national trust land 1 minute walk away. I like living on the edge of nice cities- but we pay for the privilege I know.

Absolutely. Did the same when I lived in the States and still miss living in those type of areas. Glad to live somewhere I don’t need a car but it doesn’t really compare when it comes to having so much choice and activities offered at all times that aren’t just focused on pubs.

Moonicorn · 07/03/2023 19:47

Hmmm I think I know what you mean. I live in the middle of a very average town. I can’t say I love it. But I’m a few minutes walk from the centre so have basic amenities there (nothing special but usual shops, coffee shops, some nice restaurants, soft play).

We’re currently trying to select an area to move to and the place DH wants is exactly as you describe. It makes my heart sad 😂 an Insta new build estate with the only amenities being a Tesco, Co-op, GP surgery and a few takeaways. Yet too far away from proper countryside to go on a daily dog walk there.

For me the worst is the Home Counties and commuter towns/cities around London, they feel so self conscious and like everyone is trying to make it buzzy/homely but you can tell it’s one big act.

Interesting thread by the way

MasterBeth · 07/03/2023 19:46

Mapletreelane · 07/03/2023 16:53

Define suburbia please OP.

I live in a suburb of a medium to large city. We have our own high street which is vibrant and has farmer's markets and street markets , fairs, loads of community things going on. I can be in the city centre within 15 mins either on a well served bus route, by car, bike or a 30 mins walk down some lovely canals. There are two very famous sporting venues within a 20 min walk. There are so many facilities within a 15 min drive: swimming, ice skating, canoeing, rowing, football, cricket, skateboarding ,athletics, so much green space. The housing stock is varied and dates from beautiful victorian houses through to more modern stock .The residents are diverse and you know what, its a great place to live. We may not have museums and art galleries nearby but the place has a great community buzz .

There is always something to do and enjoy here.

All right, West Bridgford. Well done.

whatadayforadaydream · 07/03/2023 19:43

StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 18:55

But I’ve lived in cities, towns and villages, I’ve been happy in all. The two towns I’ve lived in haven’t even been that nice, and they’ve been obviously built up and populated. The city, I lived in a tiny flat, covered in mould in a not particularly desirable area, but again, I didn’t feel depressed for some reason.

And again, as I’ve stated, friend’s houses in the suburbs cost more than my current house so whilst I agree that it’s people living in different areas is sometimes down to economical factors, but not always, it isn’t for my friends, they just love the suburbs.

Show quote history

If they paid the same then presumably the chose their location. Perhaps they think your location is awful and depressing.

Crikeyalmighty · 07/03/2023 19:41

@phoenixrosehere yes it was good- pricey but you can see why- same as where we live at moment - a mile and a half out of Bath - on the very very regular Uni bus route and national trust land 1 minute walk away. I like living on the edge of nice cities- but we pay for the privilege I know.

foxlover47 · 07/03/2023 19:40

@SapphosRock "gives me the willies " I haven't heard that in ages and now it's cracking me up !! Thank you I'm bringing that sentence back to my world now 😂

foxlover47 · 07/03/2023 19:36

I live on the edge of a old market town and I guess semi rural but I really prefer it to being in a large thriving town
I guess it's always personal to what you like , need etc

SapphosRock · 07/03/2023 19:35

I agree OP. The suburbs give me the willies.

Give me a city centre flat any day.

thecatsthecats · 07/03/2023 19:32

There's suburbs and suburbs, but I get what you mean.

You have to drive through flipping miles of bland suburbia to get to my ILs inexplicably desirable estate.

We live with the hipsters on the opposite side of town. Live gigs from proper bands in the pub, independent records shops, vintage, wine bars, tapas, breweries etc. All within walking distance.

We've lived in the city centre, the cool suburb, and moving rural next, but we'd never willingly live in a bland suburb.

33goingon64 · 07/03/2023 19:31

I agree, OP. We chose a village over a suburb.

crackofdoom · 07/03/2023 19:24

Is West Wickham the same place as West Wycombe?

phoenixrosehere · 07/03/2023 19:22

Crikeyalmighty · 07/03/2023 18:41

This really really depends on the suburb. I lived for a while in summertown, Oxford- I guess it would count as a suburb but was exceptionally pleasant , lots of quite varied housing in size and style and even had an M&S food hall and 10 minutes into the city- whereas if you put me say in Brislington or Filton (Bristol) yep- it depresses me .

I would love to live there. Worked there ages ago and it was wonderful with lovely people. I love those types that are more connected to cities than the ones connected to towns. It’s almost the best of both worlds, close to the city centre without having to live in the more congested parts and within walking distance to different activities without needing a taxi.

Fringebenefts202 · 07/03/2023 19:13

I don’t think Mapperley Nottingham qualifies as a suburb exactly does it? It’s very close to town!

Original poster
StripeyNighty · 07/03/2023 18:55

BeatricePortinari · 07/03/2023 18:33

In reality this is about what most people can afford.

It's not some unique personality trait that you like places with character and interesting architecture and lovely shops and restaurants.

Everyone likes that. Some may prefer it in a buzzy city setting others in a quieter rural setting, but everyone likes nice.

It's just many people can't afford exactly what they want and have to sacrifice some things for more space, a better school or just what they can afford in the area they need to be in.

They may be happy with it because it's their family home and they are very happy just to have a nice family home instead of pining for things they can't have.

I'm not keen on modern estates but I understand why people live there and don't put it down to my puzzling quirk of preferring detached Victorian villas with big gardens.

People have many restrictions on their choices. If you've always been able to live in places and houses you love, you are very very lucky rather than more specially sensitive to loveliness.

But I’ve lived in cities, towns and villages, I’ve been happy in all. The two towns I’ve lived in haven’t even been that nice, and they’ve been obviously built up and populated. The city, I lived in a tiny flat, covered in mould in a not particularly desirable area, but again, I didn’t feel depressed for some reason.

And again, as I’ve stated, friend’s houses in the suburbs cost more than my current house so whilst I agree that it’s people living in different areas is sometimes down to economical factors, but not always, it isn’t for my friends, they just love the suburbs.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 07/03/2023 18:41

This really really depends on the suburb. I lived for a while in summertown, Oxford- I guess it would count as a suburb but was exceptionally pleasant , lots of quite varied housing in size and style and even had an M&S food hall and 10 minutes into the city- whereas if you put me say in Brislington or Filton (Bristol) yep- it depresses me .

Maireas · 07/03/2023 18:41

Spot on, @BeatricePortinari .
As I said upthread, some of us would feel uncomfortable in a village for all sorts of reasons.

MarshaBradyo · 07/03/2023 18:35

CalpolDependant · 07/03/2023 18:16

I also live in a village. Everyone is miserable and I’m also bored as fuck.

I thought it would be like a Marian Keyes novel, but it’s more like the blank single ruled page at the back of a personal organiser.

And I fucking hate that our only landmark is a bus stop. That is out of use.

Show quote history

Och that was amusingly well written but I feel for you

minipie · 07/03/2023 18:35

People have many restrictions on their choices. If you've always been able to live in places and houses you love, you are very very lucky rather than more specially sensitive to loveliness.

Bang on!

BeatricePortinari · 07/03/2023 18:33

In reality this is about what most people can afford.

It's not some unique personality trait that you like places with character and interesting architecture and lovely shops and restaurants.

Everyone likes that. Some may prefer it in a buzzy city setting others in a quieter rural setting, but everyone likes nice.

It's just many people can't afford exactly what they want and have to sacrifice some things for more space, a better school or just what they can afford in the area they need to be in.

They may be happy with it because it's their family home and they are very happy just to have a nice family home instead of pining for things they can't have.

I'm not keen on modern estates but I understand why people live there and don't put it down to my puzzling quirk of preferring detached Victorian villas with big gardens.

People have many restrictions on their choices. If you've always been able to live in places and houses you love, you are very very lucky rather than more specially sensitive to loveliness.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/03/2023 18:32

I thought it would be like a Marian Keyes novel,

In fairness to Marian Keyes, she doesn't set her books in villages. She grew up in the suburbs (actually just up the top of the very same estate I grew up in), and most of her books are set in the suburbs too, where she still lives. So leave the village and move to south county Dublin Grin.

CalpolDependant · 07/03/2023 18:16

OnlyFannys · 07/03/2023 18:13

I live in a village and it's boring as fuck, I cant wait to move to somewhere more lively

I also live in a village. Everyone is miserable and I’m also bored as fuck.

I thought it would be like a Marian Keyes novel, but it’s more like the blank single ruled page at the back of a personal organiser.

And I fucking hate that our only landmark is a bus stop. That is out of use.

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