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Original poster

To be finding all the days so lonely with a toddler

114 replies

Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:36

I thought there was loads on for parents of small children, and we do go to a group every day.

The problem is they are only on in the mornings. They are nice to go to but nothing ever happens after them. So I’m left with a long long afternoon to fill and I find myself dreading them a bit.

Just a bit of a moan!

OP posts:
Whinge · 03/03/2023 08:00

saraclara · 03/03/2023 07:56

You work three days a week, and you go to groups each other morning? I thought you were going to say that you were a SAHM in a rural area with no baby groups!

So it's just a coupe if afternoons that you're boredDo you not go out for walks? Go to the library? The park?

It sounds like you need to go back to work FT.

I also thought OP was going to be a SAHM. If it's only a couple of afternoons where you feel lonely then the suggestions of the library, park, soft play etc are good. Even a walk around the local area would help to pass the time.

How old is your little one?

Hebehouse · 03/03/2023 07:56

Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:50

Thanks, I do work 3 days a week. It is tricky as could do with biting the bullet and asking for numbers but the groups are structured so no ‘chat’ time. Plus toddler at a ‘mummyyyy’ age so chatting difficult!

I think no chatting time for parents is really sad! When kids are tiny there should really be opportunities for their parents to interact with each other. Perhaps you could try a less structured group like mums and toddlers. Do they still have those?

Mindymomo · 03/03/2023 07:56

Be careful what you wish for, when I had my first DC we met up with anti natal mums every week in someone’s house. It started with 1 or 2 hours in the afternoon, tea and biscuits. By the time it was my turn, come 6 pm they were still here, phoned DH to tell him to get dinner out. Then it started with some mums doing proper sit down lunches, taking 4/5 hours. Looking back it was great fun and had a good mix of mums, visiting their homes anything from one bed studio flat to 6 bedroom mansion on an exclusive estate with nanny, housekeeper and chef. I would ask a couple of mums that you see regularly if they want to meet up for a coffee, I’m sure they are probably in a similar situation.

saraclara · 03/03/2023 07:56

You work three days a week, and you go to groups each other morning? I thought you were going to say that you were a SAHM in a rural area with no baby groups!

So it's just a coupe if afternoons that you're boredDo you not go out for walks? Go to the library? The park?

It sounds like you need to go back to work FT.

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:54

It isn’t the nap I struggle with, though. That parts lovely! It’s the long afternoons after the nap.

He doesn’t nap for three hours a day. I said that’s the tricky time when he wakes. If he napped until 5pm he’d never go to bed!

OP posts:
lazycats · 03/03/2023 07:53

Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:45

Yeah mine naps too … it’s the dead time between 2 and 5 ish I find hardest. Not sure why three hours feels like a lifetime but honestly it does!

If it was a toddler who barely napped that’s exhausting, but for three hours a day you have time to yourself? If that’s a problem then just pay for nursery and work more days.

Hebehouse · 03/03/2023 07:52

I cross posted and just read your update @Pickupthelastbit If it's the time while he's napping, you really do need to make the most of it. There are lots of things you could do at home - learn something, craft, write, cook, phone a friend, invite someone over etc etc. But if you're really finding it lonely, putting him in nursery and going back to work might be what is best.
Have a grandmotherly hug!

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:50

Thanks, I do work 3 days a week. It is tricky as could do with biting the bullet and asking for numbers but the groups are structured so no ‘chat’ time. Plus toddler at a ‘mummyyyy’ age so chatting difficult!

OP posts:
00100001 · 03/03/2023 07:47

Put him in nursery and go back to work.

Hebehouse · 03/03/2023 07:47

It's such a shock after the full on nature of being at work, isn't it? I think it's very hard for parents (usually mums) now. Unless your friends are also on maternity leave, they aren't about, and even grandparents are often still working.

Have you considered inviting someone you feel you get on with at one of the groups, to do something with you and LO one afternoon? How old is your child? One of my closest friends is someone I met at a kids' activity over 30 years ago. We'd both arrived too early before it opened, so we chatted while we waited. I suggested getting a coffee once we were in, and it went from there. We're grandmothers now.

I think you have to be proactive and make new friends, if that's what you feel you're missing. It is really hard though, as people always seem busy busy all the time. But there'll be others in your position and you just have to find them.

DashboardConfessional · 03/03/2023 07:45

I'm with you. It's one of the reasons I work - I have 2 days off a week with DS4 and recently we've ended up at Soft Play at 2pm at least once a week! Best way is to suggest afternoon meets with parents from the toddler groups but I always struggled as most have a baby as well as toddler and they need an afternoon nap.

Original poster
Pickupthelastbit · 03/03/2023 07:45

Yeah mine naps too … it’s the dead time between 2 and 5 ish I find hardest. Not sure why three hours feels like a lifetime but honestly it does!

OP posts:
lazycats · 03/03/2023 07:45

Can you befriend anyone in the group and suggest meeting up afterwards?

PurBal · 03/03/2023 07:42

Yeah. So lonely. There aren’t groups everyday where I am. Lots are expensive or far to travel too so not an option. DS has a long nap in the afternoon, doesn’t stop me being lonely but I can’t get an hour or two of me time.

Have you made any good acquaintances at the groups? Maybe you could go for lunch with them and DCs. I regularly meet with 4 different mums 10-13, take a packed lunch for the children and grab a coffee for myself (lunch at home when DS naps). Now the days are longer it’ll be easier to go out after DS wakes from his nap.