To be finding all the days so lonely with a toddler

I sort of understood at first but you work 3 days a week and attend toddler groups on the other 2? So 2 afternoons a week alone with your toddler and you’re moaning? Why have a kid if you find a few hours in their just their presence twice a week so hard to cope with?!

Try and get out more if you can

When my eldest was that age I tended to do organised activities in the morning, then she'd nap at home and we'd do less structured things in the afternoon - soft play, farm visits, park, library. Plus we had some structured classes some afternoons to. Worth looking online to see if there are any you could travel to (I used to spend nap time outside with DD napping in the buggy so we could go to Sing and Sign a few miles away). Hated trying to fill the time on my own at home - things would get too chaotic and I'd be left clearing it up after.

I have 2 DDs now and I'm not left trying to fill the time this time around - afternoons are spent trying to organise snacks and meals for the next day and I try to fit in all chores and batch cooking before picking up DD and ferrying her to after school clubs. I miss those long afternoons now!

I suspect it's because you have what most consider to be the ideal - mix of work and time off. Some people think you therefore can't complain. I do too and have had some catty comments from ex-NCT friends!

Honestly if Covid/nursery closures hadn't messed with my career I would have wanted to go back to full time, or least 9-3 Mon-Fri, a couple of years ago but we're only 6 months off school now!

Are you near anything like National Trusts? We have used the hell out of our memberships since 2019.

It's good for a toddler to be out and about seeing what happens in life. It gives you things to chat to him about and develops his vocabulary and curiosity. So maybe bring him to the supermarket / bank/ post office/ library etc so he gets to experience different settings. There might be a parent/ toddler session in the library some days . Is there toys there he could play with and then pick out a few books to bring home.
When l was a stay at home mom l always tried to have something on in that afternoon space as l never minded the morning but ran out of steam after the nap in the afternoon.
it will definitely be easier when the days get warmer.

I mean, obviously no one sits there in silence but equally it isn’t a group where the children play and you chat. They are definitely for the children and not the adults.

Perhaps you could look for a more relaxed group on one of the two days?

@Pickupthelastbit I actually agree with you that sometimes the afternoon can be long. Especially in poor weather.

I don’t think you’ve mentioned what age your child is. My DS is 2 and I work 3 days per week. He doesn’t nap at all any more. DH also works away from home for weeks at a time and we have no family nearby so we have a lot of time where it’s just DS and I.

Our days usually look something like:

• up at 5.30/6ish breakfast, clean up, put a wash on etc
• DS plays for a while and I get ready then get him ready
• toddler group each day usually 10-11.30ish. We live about a 20/25 min walk from town so we walk to the group and walk home sometimes with a trip to the park on the way/way home depending on time/weather etc.
• Lunch and tidy up 12-1ish
• 1pm-5pm - DS helps me with chores that need done in the house, we play - magnet tiles, play doh, kinetic sand, drawing/painting, jigsaws, cars etc - whatever he wants really! I try to give him the choice as it usually keeps him interested for longer if he’s picked it. If it’s not pouring then I try and get back out for a bit - take him out with his bike or scooter, go for a walk in the forest/beach (I appreciate not everyone has these nearby!), play football in the garden.
• He then helps me cook dinner. I give him things to chop/scoop etc
• 5.30pm - dinner
• 6pm - bath, brush teeth, books and bed for 7ish

When I worked 4 days per week I used to find that single afternoon a struggle, I know how you feel OP. It’s that after-school time, but when you don’t have a school aged child it can feel a bit lonely. Soft play is a good suggestion. Or swimming. Or planning to do your weekly shop or any other chores you need to do which get you out of the house.

I get this and I think the cold weather isn't helping. It's easier when it's nice enough to spend longer outside and there are more people about o think.

Days off with a 2 year old, I would go to a group, go home and do lunch, then nap, then something like the park, swimming, a bug hunt in the garden, crafts, baking, walk to the library, go to the woods in wellies and look for a bear, go for a walk along the beach, feed the ducks, have a tea party or a birthday party for one of their teddies or dolls (cheap, tiring and time consuming!).
I actually love days at home with a toddler but I understand it being a bit boring sometimes. Have you tried any of the mum friend apps? I've a close group of friends who I met on a parenting forum 13 years ago and always saw them once a week

I used to break the time into chunks. 15 minutes of activity together then however much time I could get away with with them playing independently, while I did a chore that I could do in the same room (chopping veg, ironing), so at least I was spending the boring time doing something that had to be done anyway.
You could also change the routine so that some of their daily care stuff was done then instead of the morning/later. No law to say Bath time can't be at 3pm if it fills half an hour.
I also found reading to them worked well. Luckily they would sit for an hour or more listening to stories, and I could just read while letting my mind drift.

I think you're making life difficult for yourself OP. You work 3 days a week. That's a nice work/life balance.

Start talking to people at the toddler groups. We go to toddler groups most mornings and I've made many friends. Some afternoons we arrange play dates at each other's houses. The mums can sit and chat over a coffee and the kids entertain each other. You have to put the effort in and talk to other mums and swap numbers. Some will lead to friendships, others won't. But you have to try.

Now the spring is firmly on its way and the evenings are lighter we usually take a walk to the park in the afternoon. We don't have a garden, but if you do get out there in the afternoon. Give the wee one a bucket and spade to dig in the dirt, get a tuff tray and fill it with sand or dried pasta and some toy diggers, or buy a cheap bubble machine- enjoy the dry days and the time with your wee tot.

You definitely need to talk to other mums and swap numbers though. We do group coffee afternoons and take turns at each other's houses. I'm sure you could set up the same. I bet there are other mums thinking the same as you.

I mean, there are things we can do, but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about I suppose. It’s surprising how long three hours can be with a two year old!

I appreciate some days with a 2 year old can seem long but surely if it's only a few hours in the afternoon once you've done the group, been to the park and napped that shouldn't be too hard to fill and it most certainly shouldn't feel lonely when you've spent all morning being around other people.

He's 2 so at a great age to play independently for a while then something like a walk post nap to look for minibeasts or the gruffalo would take up most of that dead time before dinner bath and bedtime.

If you're genuinely finding the 3 hours difficult then maybe it would be better to go back to work and have him in nursery as it doesn't sound like you really enjoy the days off with him.

It needn't be a dead time. I used to do all my errands in the afternoon, going to the shops, post office, visiting family, going to the library etc.
Dc always seemed happy with the balance of an activity in the morning, nap, doing jobs in the afternoon.....can you try something like that?

Yes i did too.
Proactivity definitely the way forward OP x

Another here who assumed the OP was a full time SAHM when first reading her post.

If it's genuinely just a 2 days a week that you have to occupy him and on both of those days you do groups in the mornings then I'm surprised you're finding it lonely. Maybe going back full time would be a better option?

Chatting to parents can feel intimidating but most are happy to strike up a conversation. You could try less structured groups or start chatting to other parents at the park to try to make some mum friends.

You didn’t say that, you said 2-5 was a ‘dead time’, which is pretty easy to infer as napping. Either way, I’d up your work days if possible.

I remember feeling exactly like this, also covid lockdowns made it 10x worse!

If you go to the park regularly enough (everyday) you will end up seeing the same faces and saying hello, i’ve made a mum friend that way.

Re: getting to know other parents, if you can't talk that much during activity, always arrive early as some will be waiting to go in. Ideal time to make conversation and hopefully build something up.

It's starting to get lighter and should be warmer soon, so how about going to the park after his nap. If that's close to tea, prep what you can during sleep time. Also, do you have a garden? If so, cutting back, weeding, cutting grass will need doing soon. I used to enjoy planting pots, your little o e might enjoy this with you and can see whatever grow.

Do you have any family, friends or old work colleagues you could invite over occasionally.