Can anyone give me advice on how to get a child back after Social services put them in Foster Care

The reality is the best that the parents can hope for is kinship care where a relative is then given a special guardianship order making them legally the child’s carer if this cannot be pursued the child will either remain in foster care system or they will go to court for a placement order and then the child will be placed for adoption.

I strongly suspect that getting clean at this stage will be too little too late because not only do the parents need to demonstrate they are clean they also need to have remained clean for a considerable period and found help for the underlying issues of why the use drugs. This is highly likely to be outside of the child’s timescale.

Are you the child? The older one that’s living independently now maybe? I suspect you are. If so I am so, so sorry. You should not have the weight of this on your shoulders and I hope you get the help you need.

His old is the child? People's advice will depend on that. It Jay be better if the child is really young to let them start a new life.

How were they before the drugs? Were they able to look after the child? We're SS involved then?

Did SS approach any family members? I've known aunts / uncles / grandparents to take in the children otherwise they would end up in foster care and being adopted.

I don't know what is best, the obvious answer is parents fix up and go home but it might not be possible but what if they could get normal and I didn't Try help them? what if they get taken away and their parents kill them selves? I am finding the situation very difficult as an adult, o with I could rewind and live a few years ago
It's clear you mean well, but if a child is taken away then it's because there are enough professionals who have demonstrated through the relevant legal processes that the parent is either incapable or unwilling to safeguard the children.

If an adult harms themselves in that situation it is nobody else's responsibility, and that includes you. It sounds like you're putting a lot of responsibility for this adult's wellbeing on your shoulders, which is an unfair cross for you to carry.

You really need to stop seeing it as 'but what if they kill themselves because their children were taken' and shift the perspective to 'what harm will the children be subjected to if a neglectful parent's feelings are prioritised over children's safety and welfare?"

If you're keen to help your relative, then you need to support them in accessing the relevant support that will have been offered, without letting yourself become responsible for them.

Addicts often want someone else to blame and someone else to take responsibility because it's easy, and it allows them to avoid taking responsibility. They are also prone to creating codependent relationships with friends/family because that can also allow them to avoid engaging with the impact of their actions.

Until your relative is ready to deal with their issues meaningfully, get clean and accept responsibility for their actions and the impact of their actions, they will not be safe to prioritise their children's welfare.

There will be somewhere from SS a set of requirements, you relative will know this (although as per other threads may be in denial about the problem)

Don't forget people with drug addiction are allowed to keep children, if the children are safe and cared for (I have a family member with what could be described as a mild drug addiction and the husband who lives in the house has a severe heroin addiction, SS involved but kids not taken away)

So 1) the drug addiction must be more severe than you think and 2) the children were not safe/cared for. All that needs to change before you can even think about "getting the kids back"

Parents can always apply for a discharge of a care order - they then need to evidence what has changed since the final hearing, and a new parenting assessment would be completed/supporting information provided. Your family member knows that they can do this. All parents whose children are subject to care orders know this.

They would have had at least 6 months within the court proceedings to access support and make changes - and a period of time before court proceedings within which they would have been cajoled and encouraged to make changes.

If they wanted to or were able to make changes, they would have. If they wanted their child back, they would be looking for support groups themselves and making a court application themselves. But they haven't, and they aren't. Do you really think that you suggesting that they access a parenting course and drugs service would be all that is needed as justification for a child to return to that environment? It's all about the adult family member, not the child (also your family). Why don't you support the child by asking for contact with them? Did you not wish to be assessed as a carer for them?

It depends on what stage processing are at through the court bit once an adoption order goes through no child will be returned to birth family.

The childrens needs come first - aren't they a family member too?? They are innocent in all of this.

The addict needs to get clean. Until they do, there's no way the child will "be returned". It might be the case that the child is never returned. Their safety and security is more important than their parents.

The children cannot be responsible for their parents mental health. I see you're trying to help the parents, but they're still not sober! The parents need to be stable and sober for a considerable amount of time before even thinking of moving the children back.

Relapse is part of recovery. An addict is always an addict, even after 20 years sober. People do get sober, some remain sober, but the path is long and the children, if they have a calm,safe and stable environment they have settled into, do not need to be removed from that to watch that journey. The parents need to walk a lot more of that journey first.

*removing =moving away, ie different city

I have to agree with this.

The ONLY thing you should be doing is getting the parents drug free permanently. That might include removing away from their drug contacts.

OP I actually think this is you. You don’t seem to care at all about the child’s needs and the excuses you’ve given, the claims of no help offered show that the poor children are infinitely better off not living with you. You don’t truly care about them at all.

I don't think it's helpful to focus on the removed child. That child has now gone into a safe family. Your concern now lies with your family member. She needs to join support groups, and find help to stop taking drugs. It's not something you can do for her, she has to want to do this herself. Even if she were clean for a few months, ss are not going to give the child back, because it's common to relapse within the first year. This is why you cannot encourage the thought of getting the child back. Because she'll get clean, expect the child back. But ss decline then she's back to the drugs, because she's depressed.

You do sound as if you really care but I think you are thinking about this with your heart and not your head.

You are putting yourself in their shoes and thinking about how you would feel but, honestly, that isn't the way to look at this. You aren't, I presume, a substance abuser and therefore you have different priorities and different views on being a parent.

It's not an easy for social work to remove a child, there are a lot of steps to be taken and evidence to be presented before courts. The parents will have been worked with to try and stop it getting to this point, there will have been many offers of support - some would say too many chances and at the detriment of the child/children.

If they can change their lifestyle and commit to providing a caring and nurturing home for their child then that is fantastic, however it's not a quick process, they need to prove they have changed and are committed to this change.

It's a difficult thing to think about, when it comes to family, but please ask yourself - in the current circumstances do you truly believe the best place for the child is back with the parents? From what you've written, it seems to me that Foster care is the safest and best place for them to be.

No child or baby or adult is responsible for another adult 's mental health.
The adult has to seek support. For themselves. Op you cannot fix this.
At keast the child is safe and cared for.

I am currently in a situation with social services myself due to drugs and alcohol.
The only way to move forward is to accept the situation

I can understand that you are in a very difficult position. But you cannot be responsible for their actions. You can be supportive, advise them, show them where to get help,... but you can't make someone taking drugs to stop, SS services removing the children/ whatever the decisions stems from it are out of your control.
They need to get clean, they need to work with Social Services and do whatever is ordered and recommended.
Are there any citizen advice centres, addiction charities in your area where you could find out what helps and support are available?
But ultimately it is going to have to be up to them to do the work of getting and staying clean.

Fiesta and foremost you need to start actually caring for them by getting them help regardless. Noone deserve to be an adict. To go so dar down that their child is taken. That sick.very sick. And nor that their lives are so low that without said family they might aswell die.
Their child can cone back when they find a way to live. Not dependant on other factors.
Well peoplecdont want to die.
Don't want to die if something goes wrong.
Get them help for recovery.
The social worker will no exactly the list they need to complete to get their child back. Recovered.

Yanbu to want to help put in place the right support. I think some people feel you might be wanting to fix them but I suspect you understand that you can lead the proverbial horse to water.

I don't know what the right services are for this situation but don't be discouraged by replies here - you're doing the right thing to attempt to help put in place the right support and tools for them.

The rest is obviously up to them, but don't give up.

The crucial point here is that all the things you've suggested - parenting classes, drug cessation support and all the rest - will have been suggested by SS long before the child was removed; they have to be, because there just aren't the resources to remove every child at risk straight away

Unfortunately the parents have chosen not to do it, and until they do - and the decision can only come from them - there's little you can do
These agencies know better than most that being in the care system is hardly ideal, but the child comes first and rightly so

You sound like you haven't considered the children's well being in this what so ever ffs. The parents are still doing drugs. Things have to be pretty serious for kids to get removed. The children are not a crutch to stop the parents topping themselves it's in no way their responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen. You sound like your enabling and making excuses or perhaps you feel guilt over failing these family members too. Kids come first. End of.

I also think you are trying your best, and why not try help and encourage them, without trying to get the child back at the beginning. Horrible situation for you to be in, but honestly the child needs to come first, not the parent.

Sorry I agree. I have seen first hand where the child was left with the parent and she was alcoholic and drug user. Tusla were useless, she would clean up and present well (no random drug testing either) and they left the child there till she had a breakdown and then removed her daughter. I dread to think what the child saw, she was a happy little girl and had been with a lovely foster family and she loved going. It was cruel, and im sorry i never said anything to the agency. Please wait till she cleans up her act and is at least a year clean, if she wants her child she should be willing to detox properly.

It's a really sad situation but you have created a situation in your mind in which you have centered yourself as the hypothetical tipping point in their lives and whether they chose to kill themselves or not. I know you are distressed but if this thought persists then you need to get yourself some support because this self flagellation is going to do you harm.

Unless you are their dealer you are not the cause and you can't expect yourself to be the solution.

What if you waved a magic wand and the DC went back to the parents and the children ended up dead, or suffering neglect for years on end?

Would that make you glad you'd 'helped'

Sorry to be blunt, but that's the situation SS are trying to prevent happening because often, if a tragedy occurs, a lot of people start asking 'WTF were SS doing to allow this to happen'?