Can anyone give me advice on how to get a child back after Social services put them in Foster Care

@outingaccount how old are the DC ?

Yet again you do not have the children's best interests and wellbeing at heart. It seems like this is about your guilt around these people. The dc are not objects to make them feel better. You should not be getting involved because your intentions are not for the dc.

In case my question got lost in all my rambling, would be really interested to know how much rehab (inpatient) costs ?

Exactly, how is it in the children's best interest to be raised by addicts. They have failed their children and it is up to them to do the work to prove to their children that they deserve/ worthy enough to be in their lives. It is not the children's responsibility to understand the parents trauma or reason for raising them in such an environment.

They will have been told everything they need to do to stand a chance of getting their child back.

The starting point is obviously getting off drugs and changing whatever habits or peer groups or whatever else that leads to those poor decisions or environment.

You can offer help to facilitate that... but you can't do it for them and as harsh as this sounds... if they decide that their best option is to kill themselves rather than put in the effort and accept the help available... that is on them, it is not on you. You cannot live someone elses life for them and you are not responsible for the decisions they make.

Tbh I’ve rarely seen AA be enough. And by rehab I mean really a minimum of a month, ideally more.
Thats just my observations though, although I have access to the files, only the conclusions not the detailed stuff, so you can kind of guess but not the details. You know much more if you’re lucky enough to meet the parents who succeeded

Can rehab be funded somehow in England ? How much does it cost ?
Im from a Western European country

It doesn’t necessarily take years though, I’ve seen some become sober after a couple of months, there’s no specific statistics that I know of bc every situation is different and it’s just not as much studied as other medical fields.
Obv they don’t get the child back immediately (can take very long), but the child knows the parent is getting better, supervised visits, it’s priceless

I work with children in care, and ime unfortunately rehab possibilities are dismal without money, but in my original country they do get some sort of funding in these situations. So there’s some hope, but it’s one hell of a fight for the parents. Ime though, those who don’t quite quickly engage in that hell of a fight (I mean, addiction happens even to well meaning parents especially fathers for me, alcohol can be extremely cheap, they’re drowning in bills, then it spirals) when the kids are taken… have less of a chance of success.

In any case, I was taken into care at 10, survived ok, and still hate whoever sent me back ‘home’ at 15 : just freaking leave me where I am !

Do the parents have any contact with those child at the moment? What sort of order is the child on?

I mean this kindly, but I think you are asking the wrong questions.

your relative in the grip of addiction and various other difficulties is nowhere near a path towards being capable of being a good parent. things may improve and it's great if you can help them, but the focus must be on getting them drug free, mentally stable and healthy, financially solvent and capable of living their life. That's going to be a project of years.

Meanwhile, what's in the best interests of the child? I would assert that waiting around in temporary foster care for years while mum gets her life sorted may not be the answer. the child deserves a loving and stable home and a sense of belonging, and the longer a child is kept in a temporary placement pending decisions on their long term future, the less and less likely it is that a permanent new family will ever be found, and that's a tragedy. Fighting for mum to be able to get her child back when she's nowhere near capable of that responsibility could make things worse for the child, who is the innocent party so their needs should come first.

You can't make the child responsible for their parents mh. There would be very clear guidance as to what circumstances the child might return including lifestyle changes to be made ( ie drug use). Do you have an ongoing relationship with the children? Do they want to return? How long since they were removed?

Unfortunately someone in the grips of an addiction is often unable to put others first, even their own children. It is futile to think that this will change. The only thing that will make them give up their addiction is to want it for themselves. Once they have spent time a considerable time clean, then you might make plans for contact but until then they are not a safe place for their own children.

Addicts can be very manipulative in covering up their addiction, in getting their needs met, in not taking responsibility for their actions. These behaviours are very bad for the children they are supposed to be looking after. Children really shouldn't be looking after their parents, it's very damaging.

I know you are trying to do the best thing for everyone, but the children have to come first. Anything else is extremely negligent.

The child might prefer to stay put. Some children are so relieved y the consistency of a good placement, they don't want to go home.

It might not be in the child's best interest to go back to the birth parent, though.

The parent needs to sort themselves out even if their child never returns because parents who sober up for the sake of another person even if for their own child, their sobriety is very temporary and fragile they need to sober up for themselves. If the parent is a risk with drugs and suicidal then they aren't fit to raise the child. I don't know why you are so involved with wanting to help this parent unless you yourself are the grandarent of the child or have some involvement with the trauma that this parent suffered? Because we all have had shit happen to us to varying degrees but there comes a point where it's on you to sort yourself out, get help and be a good parent even when you yourself didn't have one. There is a point where you need to stop blaming everything and everyone for your troubles otherwise you end up becoming the trauma causer for your own child, see how the cycle goes? The abused becomes the abuser. They need to get sober, the UK has many free resources to help but ultimately it's on the addict to help themselves and the child may or may not come back they need to accept the consequences of their choices and think about what is best for the child, sharing the same DNA is not necessarily the best parent for a child.

Rehab is sometimes accessible through drug and alcohol services but it's something that happens a way in, they need to demonstrate a real commitment to recovery first and waiting lists for rehab are long. It also won't fix anything until they have decided to make a change. That motivation has to come from them. Plenty of people relapse on the journey home from rehab. Also for rehab you have to be open to doing group work and complying with a lot of rules and structure. But it is the most incredible thing when someone makes it work for them :)

Op have they even expressed a desire to quit the drugs?

So they need to be engaging with the drug and alcohol services near them, that is who will support the parent in recovery and rebuilding their life. Usually this is offered before children are removed depending on the circumstances and it's always advised to parents to access these services when children are removed. Often there is a family intervention team or similar titled team.

Volunteering in some way finding some meaning and purpose helps. It is sometimes possible to regain custody depending on risk assessments etc but they have to properly engage with services and often that means drug testing too. be that they are able to rebuild the relationship when the children are adults and they can demonstrate that they have done everything they can to get better.

I’m sorry to be blunt, but I think you’re thinking about this wrong. It’s very understandable but you have a fixed goal in mind- you’ve started with the solution without fully recognising or understanding the problem. And with the greatest respect your mindset could do more harm than good.

Your relative needs love and unconditional support, not support conditional on achieving a certain target. And then there’s the compounding factor that addiction often twists love and support to co-dependency and enablement.

It’s a messy, tragic situation and I’m sorry for everyone involved.

As far as I'm aware it depends on what the social work team is requesting from the court. It could be a temporary order to allow social services to accommodate the child until such times as a parent is able to demonstrate they're able to recommence their duties as a parent. In this scenario the parents will still have some say in things like medical treatment etc etc. Alternatively it could be a permanent care order and the child could be freed for adoption. To be honest a lot depends on the age of the child. This is more common in young children because the demand for young children in the adoption circle is much higher. After the age of 3 the chance of a child being adopted plummets and they're more likely to stay in other types of care. This will have bearing on how the social worker makes their decision re reunification.

"I don't think the parents are receiving any support (which is fair enough, they are adults and the child comes first)"

This isn't fair enough. The best place for the child is with their parents and the parents in the right place to support and care for them in the way the child deserves. Social services first obligation is to make sure the child is safe initially which they've done by sourcing foster care provision, the second obligation is to actively work towards family reunification. So the social worker should be actively putting supports in place for both parents to give them a chance to get back on top of things. That should look like offering counselling, support with addiction, parenting classes etc... everything you've mentioned sourcing yourself. If the social worker isn't offering that then they are not fulfilling their duty to the family unit and therefore to the child. Now they may have offered this and the parents may have declined which is a different story or there may be another reason you aren't aware of why the child can not return to the home even if the parents got back to a healthier place in themselves. But that's for the social worker to assess. Can you offer to sit in a child protection review meeting as a support for the parents and query this. Even if the child wasn't going to be returned to family, its still in the child's best interests to see their family members doing well when they have family contact so it seems strange the social worker isn't attempting to facilitate this.

I too agree it's telling that your focus here appears to be on 'getting the child back' rather than 'becoming a fit person to care for the child'. It doesn't speak of a perspective that centres the child, at all.

Unless the parent has stopped using and been sober and stable for some time, any discussion of returning the child to the home is completely inappropriate.

you feel sympathy for your relative, but ultimately, the priority has to be the child. Living with an addict does enormous damage to a child. If the child is doing well in the foster placement, that is where the child should stay unless the parent is truly ready to take on the challenge of staying sober while parenting again. Being removed from a parent is far from ideal, but a one time move is better than bouncing back and forth between biological parent and assorted foster placements.

Foster-care isn't adoption - so it isn't permanent.

However, usually everything is done to keep children with their parents. Foster-care is not offered lightly.

I can understand why you feel it is best for the parent to have the child back - to help with motivation and to avoid depression and suicide.

However, what is really best for the child in this case?
Living with a drug addict is not a good life.
Living with an unstable and possibly suicidal parent is not a good life.

Foster care has a terrible reputation (as uncaring!) but actually, it can be amazingly good. I've seen some very happy outcomes.

It’s not appropriate for a child to be returned to a drug abuser especially if SS have had to intervene. Very selfish to even expect a child back.