Wedding invitation… who is being unreasonable?

I personally wouldn't invite one half of a couple to a wedding. If I received an invitation like that I wouldn't complain or ask if my partner could come

Think this husband and father should go alone, share a twin room and save the brief with MIl. Your approach is the right one

It shouldn't be beyond anyone to choose a dress that she can go shopping and have lunch in and a spare pair of shoes to change into in the car. Good heavens, I've had colleagues turn up to work in cocktail frocks before now and nobody batted an eyelid.

I hate this fashion for "save the dates". It removes my ability to give dubious excuses to decline when the invite actually arrives, such as holidays already booked and so on. 😉

Weddings have us by the short and curlies in every way now!

OP I would not go either.

This

It’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, numbers/budget is often tight at weddings. I’ve been invited to multiple weddings of friends, both local and a distance away, where I've been invited to the entire day but my husband has only been invited to the evening reception. He often doesn’t know these friends and if he does he’s only met them once or twice (usually at another friends wedding) so I don’t expect him to have an invite. My husband would often just drive down separately in the evening or he’ll travel down with me and just check into the hotel and have a chill out afternoon.

I think it’s very odd not to invite a couple together. When dh and I got married we invited people we didn’t particularly know because they were part of a couple. For example, dh cousin had a serious boyfriend (lived together) who we had never met. We invited them both to the full day/evening because they were a couple. They have since married and we were both invited to their wedding. I find it odd when people just invite the part of the couple they know better. It’s not really how life works.

I do think it’s a bit strange to only invite half of a married couple, I understand numbers and budgets but still seems a bit odd.

Unless you are very good friends with work colleagues/hobby friends and see them as couples, I think it's perfectly normal to just invite those you work with/actually know to the evening only.

That clearly isn't the case with the OP though

Inviting one half of a couple to a wedding ceremony, and not the other half, and expecting the other half to hang around for two to three hours waiting for the evening do, (like a fucking spare part,) is ridiculous, rude, and inconsiderate. And actually pretty bloody unacceptable. Fuck 'it's the bride and groom's wedding they can do what they like!' They don't get to treat people like shit because 'it's THEIR wedding.'

If I was only invited to the evening do, and my DH was invited to the wedding ceremony, AND the evening do, I just flat out would not be going at all. Indeed, my husband wouldn't go at all, because he would consider it extremely offensive towards me as well as rude. Don't invite me to your wedding ceremony, when my DH is invited, then like fuck would I be coming to the evening do... As I said though, DH wouldn't go anyway. (To either one!)

I think it's extremely odd to think it's OK to invite one half of a couple to the wedding ceremony (when the other half is not invited,) and then expect the one not invited to the ceremony to attend the evening do. Pretty shitty behaviour IMO.

100% this! ^

Disgustingly rude. I would not go on principal if my partner was omitted from the save the date.

Formal etiquette says both should be invited. I’d think the bride and groom were rude but I also probably wouldn’t care that much. If I was really close to them, I might suggest some people (particularly older people brought up when etiquette rules were more rigid) would be very offended as has apparently happened here but otherwise, I’d just decline the invite.

Unless it’s really convenient and there’s no travel, if you don’t see me as being close enough to be at the wedding, I’m not going to bother making any effort for just the evening do.

To me it seems rude to invite one half of a couple.
Assuming they know people are married; have a partner etc then it is expected and usual to invite both. If finances are that tight, invite neither. But not one without the other. It isn't some sort of boy's night out. It is a wedding for goodness sake.
If I was your other half I would not go. And nor I suspect will your partners father who understandably feels insulted on his wife's behalf.
What were they thinking? All the 'people they really know' etc can go too far. The expectation that you would do so in such situations is unreasonable.

I think it’s rude and would decline, but I wouldn’t be upset about it.

To the people saying everyone should have been invited.....Curious as to what you think the bride and groom should have sacrificed?

Family members being told not to come so friends partners can come?

A different venue with double capacity to include all? And obviously a much higher budget to accommodate a lot more people?

A different venue closer to friends so that it's more convenient for them?

Not inviting friends at all because they didn't have space for friends and partners so left them out completely?

Just totally curious, as simply just saying they should have all been invited we all know is not as simple as it seems, otherwise, you guessed it, they'd have all been invited.

Simple rules and expectations seem.so often forgotten nowadays.

1. It is the responsibility of the hosts to be mindful of the guests' needs for hospitality.

1. A marriage or wedding represents also the joining of two families as well as two people, the couple.

1. A buffet and wine in a nicely decorated church hall that includes all guests is far nicer than a succession of events in grand surroundings that exclude some of the people for some of the time.

1. An "all day" event from 12 noon until midnight is really not necessary and few people have that stamina. If they do, there is nothing more likely to spoil an event than a drunk at 9pm who has been drinking since a quick one before the wedding.

What is wrong with the marriage ceremony followed by a three/four course reception and perhaps some dancing after the speeches or ceremony followed by a buffet in a church hall and some dancing?

I don't comprehend the obsession with wedding with very expensive dress and six bridesmaids, followed by an overdecorated reception in an expensive hotel, followed by and evening party for larger numbers. Why not just scrap the evening party and save costs there?

Oh for the weddings of my youth (1980s) where the ceremony was a modest affair followed by drinks and nibbles/canapés in a half marquee if budget was tight. Close family often then had dinner at a local restaurant and the friends either went out to dinner where we were staying or back in London if the wedding was in the home counties. If money wasn't tight there'd be a glorious late lunch in a full marquee, possibly followed by dancing. There was never, ever a pay bar.

think they’re BU. You don’t invite only one half of a couple to a wedding.

I do think that's strange to just invite the men to the whole thing, but not their partners. Afterall they'll be travelling together, and who are they going to stand/talk with. Its rude and I'd decline on that basis.

I think that it’s weird not to invite couples to the same parts of a wedding.

I think evening invitations (if you have to have them) should only be for local guests.

I wouldn’t be offended, I just wouldn’t go.

Hi OP. My wedding a couple of years ago. We were pretty close to venue capacity with just the day guests. Hubby and I both wanted a few extra for the band and party but we could only have another 10 guests. I had 5 work friends I wanted to come and hubby had 5 friends from his hobby. We couldn't have 20 so we invited named people only from work/hobby. One of hubby's hobby friends doesn't speak to him anymore because he didn't invite his wife.

It looks strange what they've done but try to be understanding of their circumstances and limits on capacity and budget. At the end of the day, you can always just decline politely.

Dressed in her evening finery?

Or will she have to shell out for a hotel room to get changed in?

All should have been invited together to the evening or not at all.

It's different to me because it's a wedding which by definition means you are being invited to celebrate someone's marriage. But they haven't bothered to invite YOUR spouse, so showing complete disrespect for your marriage. To me it's so so rude.

And yes, I have been to weddings alone as a single person, and as a married person when dh has a prior commitment. But I would be offended if dh wasn't invited with the possible exception of a tiny wedding with, like, 4 people where no partners at all were invited.

Inviting local friends as a group without partners is a bit different- the netball team or people from work who generally socialise or are together without partners anyway.

But family events one always takes one's partner usually? Not blood only!

(Just blood for tiny registry office wedding is acceptable if everyone treated equally and somewhere arranged for the rest to wait before all eating together-but here I assume it's just say siblings and parents and no one else)

Merely personal experience talking.

Were everyone this reasonable about the issuing and function of these cards I'm sure issues would not arise.