Wedding invitation… who is being unreasonable?

So not inviting the partner to a wedding is a bit weird, but fine, people sometimes want a smaller wedding or to keep costs down.
Inviting one half to the full day and one to just the evening when the wedding involves 2 hours travel thought is just rude. So one half has to wait around all day to show up whilst the other waits around? I wouldn't bother.

I would not accept such an invitation. I'd just politely reply

" Tim and Anon thank you for the wedding invitations and regret we are unable to attend".

Can't they just all skip the ceremony and go the evening together?

It would not bother me but then again I have flown to America twice alone to attend weddings minus my husband.

I am still a functioning adult without him being around.

I don't think it's polite to split couples personally but I can see why people do it.

I think if any distance for travel is due then only a full invite is acceptable. I personally don't think an evening only invite (if there is a full day) is acceptable for long distance. Certainly inviting one part of couple and not the other when you know they are travelling is rude.

Fil should not have said anything though, I would have declined the invite and if asked why said the logistics of travel and his wife not being invited until the evening made it too difficult. Or I might just accept both for the evening and let the couple invite someone else in my place for the day time.

I’ll be honest I wouldn’t dream of splitting a married (or long term unmarried couple). It is weird. When I got married I was quite young so lots of single friends or couples where I hadn’t met the partner so only invited our friends. Older family couples all got an invite even i didn’t know one of them. It is tricky where numbers are restricted and costs so high but it would still be weird to me if my husband was invited and I wasn’t. Not sure if make a fuss though unless it was close family.

I don’t like it tbh. Unless it’s a work colleague in which case I would only expect the person they work with to be invited. For family/friends it should be both or none, especially if they have to travel for it. It would have been better to invite all to the evening do. Or even just to invite father and son.

It's verging on funny to think their wedding day when two become one, jointed together from this day forward in holy matrimony, they miss the point for other couples.

I've never heard of inviting one half of a couple in real life but I think it's very rude. I wouldn't even give work colleagues an evening invite without extending it to their significant others.

It is strange (and bad mannered) to only invite one half of a long standing couple. If it happened to us neither of us would go especially as there is a significant journey to get there.

Send a congratulations card to one half of the couple

You'll probably find nearer the time they'll have a drop out and you'll be invited.. that's the time to laugh in their face and say no

Staggeringly, eye wateringly rude to only invite half a couple. Really, really off.

If someone really has to do this for space or money reasons then the invitation, or date card should be preceeded by a deeply apologetic phone call. It is an awful thing to do otherwise. Offence is rightly taken.

Whilst people are not conjoined twins as a PP notes it is a massively entrenched convention on a par with saying please and thank you to invite couples together - something that is part of our wedding and formal party culture for all our lifetimes and beyond.

You can ignore it and are free to like you are free to not say please and thank you but you can't stop people like OP's partner and father taking offence at bad manners. Because it is bad manners. As I say a genuine, heartfelt explanation before hand at least acknowledging the faux pas is 100% necessay. If they couple take offence at the question then they really are pushing the bad manners at their their friends expense.

I agree it is rude and a very awkward invitation to invite one half of a couple to it all and the other half to the evening. Some people don't think that way though and let their budget dictate to the extreme. If they can't afford all 4 of you to the whole thing then I would have just done evening invitations for all 4.

I don't think however that your partner's father should have complained. The invitation is what it is and so you accept or decline on that basis. It's not a negotiation. So in a way everyone is being unreasonable. The bride and groom for such an awkward two-part invite, and your partner's father for complaining about it.

That's such a dumb thing to be honest. Just invite both to the same part.

Odd not to invite couples to the same parts

If people are expecting a couple to travel a fair distance to their wedding, it is a bit odd to invite them to different parts - I've never heard of anyone doing this, unless the partner was very new on the scene. However if I was going to a wedding somewhere new and staying in a nice hotel, I wouldn't mind only going to the evening as I would have a nice relaxing afternoon to myself while my DH attended the wedding part. But I can totally see your parent's POV.

I think just don't go, but don't get excited about it in any way. They want you to go separately, you don't want to go anyway and your stepmother/FIL are offended. Attendance is not compulsory. I think the bride and groom are slightly more in the wrong but you don't have to do what they ask, so just don't.

Personally I wouldn't dream of inviting one half of a couple to the ceremony but I respect the rights of B & G to do what they want.

I think it's a bit of a dick move though.

Decline!! Not dine!!

I find it strange, if we got such an invitation and wanted to go, then we'd both just accept for the evening. If they didn't like that then we would probably dine completely.

I think it’s strange to separate a married couple at a wedding - I think in your place DH and his Dad should just go to the day time event and no one bother with the evening or all just attend the evening do . I understand it’s cost motivated but that needs to be balanced against upsetting people . Would DH and his Dad have been offended by an evening only invite for all of you ?

This sort of situation is always very polarising. It’s a shame the bride and groom didn’t speak to those in your group before sending out Save The Date and/or formal invitation. It would have probably saved a lot of hurt feelings.

It's certainly bad etiquette to invite couples to different parts of the day like this. I've been to many many weddings, and I've never seen this done. It's worked out well for you, as you can spend the day with your Grandad, but I can see why your Partners Dad and stepmum would be put out. That said, in their shoes, I wouldn't have said anything. Yes, stepmum will have to amuse herself for the first part of the day, but she's a fully grown woman, I'm sure she can handle it! Personally, I'd have a pamper morning, or swim if the hotel has a pool.

I think that's very strange, I wouldn't split up couples on a wedding day.

I also wouldn't ask but I'd probably give the real reason I wasn't attending when I declined the invite.