Wedding invitation… who is being unreasonable?

Sounds like they have invited this way in the hope you will all decline

what did your parents say to the bride and groom?

Can’t believe there are people saying this is ok. This is rude! You don’t separate married couples. In fact most weddings would be plus one for any guest so I really don’t know how they can do this. If they want your dh and fil there they should
have sucked up the 2 additional invitations. And being 2 hours away DEFINITELY RUDE. My friend had limited numbers and her friend brought a female friend with her that had never even met bride and groom. Another guest brought their sister. I understand that can probably feel annoying but people don’t usually get invited to a wedding alone.

These days brides and grooms are so entitled and bratty. If you really want the wedding you want - go abroad. That will weed out the ones you really want to be there and those you don’t.

I know it’s their wedding, so they can do as they like. I would just not go in these circs though. I have no problem with evening invitations but the splitting up of couples like this is unusual I think. I wouldn’t say anything, but would just decline citing the 2hr drive or your grandad’s birthday party or something.

It sounds as if FIL has taken it as a personal insult though, and it’s unfortunate he has dragged you in to it before you were able to just quietly decline without any fuss! I hope B&G aren’t too arsey with you OP!

Staggeringly, eye wateringly rude to only invite half a couple. Really, really off.

This!

Never heard of such nonsense

The wedding couple is entitled to invite whomever they want under whatever conditions they choose. The recipients of the invitation are entitled to review the invitation and decide whether it is suitable for them. If it is, they accept the invitation and if not they decline. It’s that simple.

step mum will be left on her own in an unfamiliar town

She is a grown woman, but unable to amuse herself for a few hours? Bonkers.

I think you declining is the best plan, otherwise you'll end up being her babysitter...

I get if you have room travel bot not making it but why can people not go to an invite without their partner?

This idea people have to do every together is odd

But if we can't make it I would with the couple a great might and quietly not attend (let them know the basics of course)

It doesn't have to be a big they are being meanies

But I don't bride and groom tantrums if there is even a slight thing against the event though

I think they have every right to invite have what they want but hold the drama

It's probably a generational thing that the parents think it's rude where the younger generation don't. Weddings are expensive but it was rare to have separate invites like this a couple of decades ago.

So I don't think you should be annoyed at the parents and given that there is a 2 hour travel involved the B&G have been thoughtless, and rude asking them to save the date for one of them ....

They probably think that the step mum will spend the day with you waiting to go to the evening.

”This B&G are miffed”

Good. They’re extremely rude. If you can’t afford to invite both members of a long term couple, then don’t invite either. It’s not difficult.

I’m with you OP

DH has been to a couple of weddings alone as I wasn’t invited.
I have also been in the situation of the bride and had someone ask us if they could bring their partner. It irritated me!

I find it rude of the bridal couple though of course it is their perogitive to invite whomever they please and to be rude.

It would be acceptable to not invite any of the four or to invite one of the couples to some or all of the celebrations or both couples to some or all of the celebrations.

It is not rude to invite one of a couple who are going out. Once they are engaged or married or have children together I would always invite both. If living together or going out for at least a year I would give one partner an invite with a plus one, if I could.

I don’t understand why people think it is ok to not give everyone a plus one at a wedding. If they are so concerned with keeping numbers down, you could help them out by not going.

People can absolutely invite who they want, but they also very much have to accept that if only one half of a couple is invited to the main event, neither might come.

It would be interesting to know exactly how many couples they’ve issued A list / B list invitations to. If it’s quite a few, they could end up with more declines than they bargained for.

Usually when you’re hosting people, it’s on you to be a considerate host, just as much as it’s on guests to be considerate, as well.

No clue how your voting works OP
but imho
B and G were rude to separate couples
FIL rude to question it

I agree, @ComtesseDeSpair , I’d love to explore a town I don’t know on my own for an afternoon. The only tricky bit is where she’d get changed for the evening do- in the loo at the venue, I suppose. 😂

Weddings are so expensive, I think your partner’s father and his wife should be more understanding.

Beyond the pale. What a clod the groom is.

My DH can't drive due to medical condition. One of his friends got married in the middle of no where, several hours from where we live, on a Friday, and sent a solo invite to DH. DH declined because he had no transport (would of required 2 trains, a ferry, a bus and a taxi, then accommodation on top, and no one else was coming from near us to hitch a ride).

The friend told him he was a really good friend and really wanted him there but again DH said he couldn't make it work with transport. Apparently I was the unreasonable one and I should have found 3 days of childcare and used 2 days annual leave to transport DH to this wedding, then stayed in the hotel room by myself 🤔. Then he apparently told people at the wedding DH wasn't in attendance because I didn't let him go without me. DH put them straight very quickly and relationship with friend has not been the same since.

This.

I go with whatever the bride and groom want

Annoying as a situation may be I work around it, no I don't ask the couple anything unless absolutely necessary

My going to stick my neck out and say I actually think evening invites are rude fullstop. Splitting the invites between the couples is gauche.

Weddings are supposed to be fun celebrations including for the guests, weird that a celebration of coupledom has the hosts not inviting the other halves of their guest.

I've come to see weddings often include decisions that some will feel are rude at worst or very inconsiderate at best. People feel big emotions on both sides - the bride/groom and the invitees. I have come to expect most weddings have something some think isn't okay! I was invited to be a bridesmaid for a friend but none of the wedding party were invited to the meal unless they were relatives because they didn't want to spend the money. They said this out loud. This included a bridesmaid who was flying over from the other end of the world. Someone said something so then the wedding party was invited, but they had to pay for their own meal. This couple had very definite financial goals including purchasing a house and buying a Lexus.

While it's inconsiderate to not think of what the non-invited partner will do, I'm assuming they thought you and the other invitee would hang out together. I'd never ever ask for an extra invite and can only imagine how that went down!!!

I think it's rude to invite someone to a wedding without their partner unless they are being invited as part of a group (i.e. work friends) that are also not accompanied by their partners.

If they don't have a big budget then they should restrict their invite list in a way that allows for the people they select to bring a partner. When you invite friends without partners you are basically making a selfish choice to prioritise your needs above your guests. You end up with more people you know well at the wedding, which is great, but often at the cost of them being left to make awkward small talk with random relatives and friends on their own. It hardly makes for a fun time, or at least not as fun as if their partner was with them.

I'm certainly not joined at the hip with my DH but I would decline that invite in your shoes too. I'm in my early 30s.

It is odd not to invite the partner of the guest you know, but not unheard of. Why don't you and your DH go to the evening event and let the parents go for the full day?

I think the 2 hour travel makes it hard logistically to get there, so from this perspective I think that was poor planning on the couples part, although maybe they assumed you'd come together so it would be ok. Ultimately their wedding, their choice. Planning a wedding is hard and stressful