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Original poster

Wedding invitation… who is being unreasonable?

262 replies

Anon133 · 23/02/2023 11:54

Hi all, I’m looking for advice regarding a dispute that has kicked off in my family this morning.

We have had a ‘save the date’ card come through the post this morning for the wedding of a friend of my partner. They are also friends with my partner’s father.

Both my partner and his father have been invited to ceremony and reception afterwards, whilst myself and partner’s step mum have been invited to the evening only.

I personally don’t see an issue with this, I don’t know the couple particularly well and I know that budgets/numbers can be tight (the wedding so happens to fall on my Grandad’s 80th birthday so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to attend in any event).

However, my partner’s father and his step mum have taken it extremely personally and said that couples should be invited to the same parts of the wedding. They also say that they are travelling 2 hours for the wedding so are left in a situation where step mum will be left on her own in an unfamiliar town whilst the ceremony is ongoing.

My partner has also commented that it was rude that I was not invited to both parts of the wedding if he was.

Partner’s father has now approached the bride and groom, who have said they are unable to accommodate and have been upset by the question.

Who’s in the right here? Getting sick of the arguments already 😡😡

OP posts:
SpookyBlackCat · 23/02/2023 12:10

I think it’s rude to separate the couple. I agree that it’s not really nice to leave one half of a couple wandering around town liking time while dressed up for a wedding. I get that it’s their wedding, but people really need to be more considerate of their guests.

xogossipgirlxo · 23/02/2023 12:09

I think it's bit weird to separate couples, but their wedding, their rules. I wouldn't bother going for evening only, if it involves 2hrs driving.

Lcb123 · 23/02/2023 12:09

The couple can invite who they want to whatever part they want. Save the dates usually for day only. But with your situation I’d say it’s unreasonable they expect partners to hang around for the evening. If there’s you and the stepmom can you hang out together before the evening?

recklessgran · 23/02/2023 12:09

It's a nightmare OP. We are currently sorting the wedding of our DD3 and I can assure you it will all boil down to budgets. These days it's circa £100 a head for the wedding breakfast/drinks package so it's very tricky indeed to work out who makes the cut and who doesn't. In our case both the bride and groom have one parent each with 8 or 9 siblings. Completely impossible. Personally we won't be splitting couples but we have had to restrict parent's siblings - one or two who are closer to the whole day and all the others to the evening. I'm quite sure people will be offended but I'm afraid these days it's just too expensive to include everyone to everything. The bride and groom would rather have more of their friends there than relatives they rarely see which of course is their prerogative as it is their day!
In your case there are 3 choices. Either you all decline or your partner and his father decline the day but accept the evening so that the four of you can be together or you and your partner's stepmum spend the afternoon shopping or something whilst your partner and his Dad attend the day.

Starlitestarbright · 23/02/2023 12:09

Given its 2 hrs away they being extremely rude and bad mannered.

MelchiorsMistress · 23/02/2023 12:07

Honestly I think it’s a bit shitty to only invite one half of a married couple to a marriage ceremony, especially in this circumstance where there’s travelling involved. But it’s their event and they can invite who the want, even if they are making things difficult for their guests.

Courtorder · 23/02/2023 12:07

They’ve done nothing at all wrong. You’re couples, not conjoined twins. She’s a big girl and I’m sure she can find a place to have lunch or mooch or browse or can catch a later train by herself - how would she cope attending a wedding if she were single? People doesn’t have to pay fucking ridiculous amounts of money to host someone at their wedding who they don’t know that well simply because they’re connected romantically to someone that they do know well. It’s bizarre and the expectation doesn’t apply to any other event - can anyone imagine posting here saying “my friend is having a birthday dinner and has invited all her friends. She’s not friends with DH and he’s not invited, nor are any other people she’s not friends with. Should I kick off?”.

YANBU

RobinRobinMouse · 23/02/2023 12:04

Not sure id make such a fuss, but I would find it weird to separate couples on invites. In our case I doubt either of us would go in the end.

Crunchingleaf · 23/02/2023 12:04

It’s the bride and groom’s wedding day and they are paying for it etc. Personally, I wouldn’t do what they did especially as it’s a two hour drive away. It shows a lack of consideration for the guests. Also many people don’t like going to weddings without a plus one.

user4578 · 23/02/2023 12:00

Neither is "right". Weddings are expensive, guest lists tight and you can invite who you like. Also annoying to be expected to entertain yourself on your own in a town you don't know. Tbh I would decline the invite if I was an evening only guest and I had to travel.

TeenDivided · 23/02/2023 11:58

Save the dates are / should be for people you would be very upset not to attend, so they ABU to send one to you guys at all.

They ABU to do split invites especially with travel involved, they'd be better off just inviting all of you to evening.

On the other hand, their wedding, their rules, invitation not a summons, not worth getting in a tizz about.

AreBearsCatholic · 23/02/2023 11:56

People can invite who they want, the invited can decide whether they want to go on those conditions. Asking was a bit of a faux pas if the situation was clear.