Wedding invitation… who is being unreasonable?

I wouldn't have asked but I would also think it's very odd, bordering on rude tbh

Probably an aside from the main event of the thread, but 'Save the date' cards sent far in advance of any proposed stick in my craw. I might not want to save that particular date. My personal circumstances might change. An important conference might come up that it would be within my interests to attend. I might simply have too much else going on around that time - including stuff I don't know about yet because it's months down the line - and not want to write off another weekend once plans had solidified.

Gets right up my hooter at work, too, when I receive an invitation in October for a meeting or away day taking place the following June. HTF do I know whether I'll be available at that point?

All smacks of 'we got there first, so you have to prioritize us', even when you've neither been sent an invitation nor accepted one.

Sorry if it's been suggested before but why don't you travel to the evening do with the step mum and your oh and dad can go together though that means taking 2 cars and 2 people can't have a drink

I would invite the couple not the individual. But weddings are expensive so it's understandable

I agree with you op, guests list can be tricky if you are on a tight budget. I think the step mum is being a bit dramatic about having to entertain herself for 2 hours, it's hardly a hardship just explore the shops or get a bite to eat

Me personally, I wouldn’t ever invite someone I knew really well without their partner/spouse. However, with that being said. With the COL crisis, people just can’t afford to have big numbers these days. So completely understand their POV.

As others have said it's their wedding so it's up to them who they invite but I find it very odd that they're separating couples.

I know you can invite who you like but I think splitting up invites for long term partners / married couples is a bit weird.

But she's not single. She's a married woman who is expected to hang around some random town for hours while her husband is at a wedding, so she can turn up later with the rest of the B list guests.

If she were single she would just go to the wedding at the time she had been invited, whether that was in the evening or for the whole day.

Splitting couples is a no no.

Very poorly approached by the couple.

Seriously they go to all the trouble of sending out a "Save the date" not the actual invitation and they expect people not to be put out that they are only asking half a couple.

FFS! I understand Weddings have become very expensive for young couples. But expecting people not to be pissed off by asking half a couple to one part and they other to the evening- they are extremely rude and then have the cheek to get upset when questioned.

I totally agree with your DP and FIL.

Why didn't the just ask either one couple or the other and explain they are keeping the numbers down?

Some people haven't got a clue. They want it all their own way.

I think it's rude to invite one of a couple to the full day and the other to the evening only. (I don't like evening only invitations full stop, to be honest.) But I wouldn't have complained to the couple, I'd have just declined the invitation and wished them well.

I think it is extremely strange to be honest. Surely you invite the couple to the whole day or just evening? I would not travel two hours to wait while my husband is at the wedding, for me to turn up just for the evening. I would decline the invite too.

There’s always going to a bit of “do we, don’t we” for guests.

They probably thought it reasonable for your DH and FIL to attend together, and you and MIL to spend the day together and then come for the night. Not the traditional couple, but pairings non the less and they get the people they really know at the reception.

It’s up to the guests to decide if they want to accept the invitation or not.

If anyone is that bothered, they can just go to the evening part as a couple or decline the invitation completely. It’s pathetic to be so bothered by it.

I think this is very weird and quite rude actually, and I also think politely asking them was ok too.

I think the bridge and groom haven't been the most accomadating, but the invite is clear, and the guests can accept or not, knowing what it involved.
Questioning the invite is totally unreasonable.

The couple can invite whoever they want, if anyone has an issue with it they decline. Weddings are guided by numbers, people who don't really know the bride and groom that well don't get to take priority in the day time. Close friends and family take that priority. (Coming from a wedding invitation designer, I get the guest lists a lot and this common when there's room restraints).

I think this is very rude. It’s basic manners that spouses/partners are a social unit when it comes to events like weddings. Personally I’d decline an invite that split us out like this, it’s not a summons.

I have sympathy as weddings are expensive and I dislike the pressure to invite people you barely know just so people can have a plus one/bring kids etc. But I do actually think it's a bit shitty to invite just one to the actual ceremony if you know they'll be travelling together and it's a distance away. It's not practical.

It does feel strange if you're both long-term partners. We had number constraints due to Covid but would never have invited one half of a couple to only one part, especially if they were a long term couple.

I mean, their wedding, their rules, of course but it seems quite weird they expect you all to travel a fair distance and then exclude one half?

Frankly I think married couples and long term partners should be invited together. This thing about separating the different bits seems to be peculiar to here - I don't recall any wedding in the States I've been to that did this. But couples should be together for the same parts.
However, the couple are totally allowed to do what they want in terms of who they invite. But I would be miffed.

I think step mum is making a mountain out of “on her own in an unfamiliar town” - in her situation I’d take myself off for an explore and a nice lunch and cross it off the list of seeing new places and doing new things.

If I didn’t want to do that I’d just decline the evening invitation and let my OH go alone. This isn’t a close friend or relative, there’s no need to take it personally or as a snub.

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