Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a lot of posts on this social services Facebook group can’t be entirely truthful?

212 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 22/02/2023 19:18

5 years ago, my DD made a disclosure about a family friend which we reported to the police. As a result we had children’s services involved in our lives and had a horrendous excuse for a social worker who cast doubt of my DD’s experience. FWIW: I know the vast majority of social workers are excellent, sadly we had a very brief experience with a really incompetent one, so I’m not in the “all social workers are evil” camp. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to do that job in a broken country with failing systems.

Anyway, at the time I joined a Facebook support group for those who have children’s services involved to get advice on how to handle everything that was going on. I never left the group, for no particular reason. And for some reason Facebook’s algorithm have been putting the posts on my feed more recently.

Some of the posts are very strange.

Posters claiming they’re on a child protection plan because their relatives are in the army. Or because they have a messy house. Some claim they don’t know why they’re at PLO level (which is a pre-cursor to court action). Loads of posts claiming SS are involved for no reason whatsoever, including pregnant women who look like they’re gonna have their babies removed and they don’t know why. Not all obviously but a large amount claim this.

AIBU to think that children aren’t placed on the child protection register for living in a messy house and there must be more to it?

OP posts:
Crimeismymiddlename · 22/02/2023 19:56

Of course it’s not the full story. People who can not fathom why a messy house ie a house with no/damaged doors, dogs roaming, dog shit on the floor along with piles of rubbish and no beds for the kids-only the kids mind as the adults will have beds is not an environment for a child need ss.
I would hazard a guess that there is a lot of talk about ss removing children from the working class for no reason to give to middle class couples to adopt.

RedCarsGoFaster · 22/02/2023 19:35

It's utter bollocks. I've seen the RSPCA seize a dog from the same house Social Service refused to remove children from.

The house was an unbelievable mess - dog poo and pee on the floor of every room, a fridge full of mould, rubbish and mouldy leftovers on every surface, the smell would knock you out, all the people and dog sleeping on filthy mattresses in the floor with ancient blankets all soaked in pee at some point and stinking, multiple children, kids filthy and unwashed in who knows how long and wearing inappropriate clothing for the weather conditions and house temperature, bath full of icy cold dirty stagnant water with rubbish in there, bathroom floor covered in hundreds and hundreds of baby wipes and tissues, dirty nappies thrown around the house for months.... The list goes on. Yes the parents had massive issues themselves and all interventions (parenting courses, cookery classes, mothers helpers paid for by SS) were failing. This was a years long situation, not an immediate change in circumstances after say a bereavement, but the parents simply couldn't change.

Anyone saying their house is untidy in my experience are in utter denial about the other factors - it's about risk, not tidiness, so maybe needles or medication lying about, exposure to dangerous people or situations.....

I work in an arena where I see unbelievable relationships ongoing where the man is in prison for horrific sexual offences against children, yet people around them continue to enable relationships with children around them - actively trying to circumvent rules as opposed to not realising what they are doing.

People are utter wankers.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 22/02/2023 19:27

WeCome1 · 22/02/2023 19:22

It might be that they have a messy house, but that mess = dog poo on the floor, no proper bed etc

They insist it’s “not that messy just clutter”. I just dont think an overburdened system would care much for a cluttered house

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 22/02/2023 19:25

Dacadactyl · 22/02/2023 19:20

Of course there's more to it.

If SS came to my house and put my kids on a CP plan cos it was messy, I'd clean it up. Why do these FB posters not do that, if its the only issue? Because it's not the only issue.

Well indeed.

DD was never on a plan of any kind, it was more for (alleged) support but if they had said to me when they were round “Your house is messy” I’d have panicked and tidied up. Some claim their other kids make the mess.

OP posts:
Lordofthebutterfloofs · 22/02/2023 19:25

WeCome1 · 22/02/2023 19:22

It might be that they have a messy house, but that mess = dog poo on the floor, no proper bed etc

More like messy house =
Dog poo, piles of rubbish, rotting food, inadequate/unclean clothing, broken/minimal furniture, no food in the fridge and a complete lack of understanding about why that's not OK. Or a refusal to do anything about it.

Blueflag22 · 22/02/2023 19:24

helpfulperson · 22/02/2023 19:20

Most of it will be denial about how lacking their parenting is.

It's not even about parenting as some questionable parenting going on all over the country. know a lady who was given chance after chance but still blamed everyone else and defended her abusive partner. Even their elder kids made disclosures to police and SS and still she was taken of child protection and had SS her life for years. Last incident they tried to help her leave him and she wouldn't and her child was place in care. She has contact but minimum.

NotLikeTheOther · 22/02/2023 19:23

In my experience through working in a school, lots of children on child protection or child in need plans have parents with learning difficulties that were probably never picked up at school. They genuinely do not understand what they are doing wrong as they are simply parenting the way their parents did (who probably also had unidentified learning difficulties or mental health problems). Parents who had abusive upbringings themselves also often have no concept of ‘normal’, e.g. if they were horribly abused they may well think that, by comparison, their children have a good life as they are ‘only’ neglected.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 22/02/2023 19:22

To*

WeCome1 · 22/02/2023 19:22

It might be that they have a messy house, but that mess = dog poo on the floor, no proper bed etc

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 22/02/2023 19:22

Of course there is more too it. Sorry if it sounds harsh but many of these people are of low intelligence.

Dacadactyl · 22/02/2023 19:20

Of course there's more to it.

If SS came to my house and put my kids on a CP plan cos it was messy, I'd clean it up. Why do these FB posters not do that, if its the only issue? Because it's not the only issue.

helpfulperson · 22/02/2023 19:20

Most of it will be denial about how lacking their parenting is.