Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

But that's just your interpretation of what OP has written.

She put 'could' they come for a family meal. That's not demanding language, that simply her asking them.

I sent a message to them both reminding them it is mothers day soon and could they come for a family meal on mothers day with my other 3 x adult DC.

This wasn’t an invitation, it was a summons. She wouldn’t bee we angry otherwise.

Can't see where OP has specifically written that on any of her posts.

OP very much posts as if it’s unthinkable that an adult child would not be with her on Mother’s Day so yes I did make an assumption based on that and her statement here

I sent a message to them both reminding them it is mothers day soon and could they come for a family meal on mothers day with my other 3 x adult DC.

She certainly posts as if her expectation is that "this is what you do" on Mother's Day.

If not, then why is she so annoyed with her son for declining?

Assumptions yet again. No one knows if OP has asked them to do this every year.

Doing a three line whip on your adult children to do Mother’s Day with you every year seems a bit controlling tbh

And therein, likely, lies the reason behind the son’s decision.

Does she have children? If she does it’s her Mother’s Day as well

If she doesn’t are you very sure there’s no secret regret/anguish there as well making Mother’s Day additionally painful?

I didn’t get my FIL presents/cards for Father’s Day for 5 years after my dad died I just found it too painful (sadly my husband didn’t do bother to do anything for him either).

Doing a three line whip on your adult children to do Mother’s Day with you every year seems a bit controlling tbh

You don’t seem to be understanding what posters are saying.

You’re the one holding the DIL responsible for the son’s decision, based on nothing but because you’ve decided it’s what happened.

You’re the misogynist. You’re the one blaming women for a man’s behaviour.

OK, no, you’re still answering this as if the wife is forcing her husband not to go.

What I asked was why is it unlikely that he would want to ensure his wife wasn’t alone on this very difficult day for her. You’ve said it’s not an obvious course of action because if you were the wife, you wouldn’t want that to happen. That isn’t what was asked.

If your partner was suffering would it really be unlikely that you’d want to stay and be with them? Really?!

😂😂😂

Yeah I think that's just you. Maybe that's your interpretation because that is what you would do.

Oh my God...

She never said anything of the sort.

Reading comprehension isn't your strong point, is it?

Well, yes. I don’t need ‘evidence’, this is a discussion thread and I feel it’s most likely she requested he stay home because she’s being selfish in her grief. I could be wrong, but that’s my opinion.

Not read all the way through but I can’t believe how selfish you are being. It is still going to be so raw for your wife.

My DH’s mum died nearly 5 years ago and since that point we have avoided Mother’s Day. My mum understands and doesn’t expect to see me on the actual day but I do make sure I send flowers etc to her, plus my mum says she isn’t in the “active” mother role at the moment so it’s not like she needs the day off from running around after the kids, just to know we are thinking of her is enough.

I feel bad for Moonicorn's husband. Or maybe you. You know not everyone tells their husbands what to do right? Most don't need their wives to tell them to book MD dinner for their own mothers.

Haha what a pile of nonsense! Deary me. Stop making out men are so much better than us.

So based on your own evidence-free conclusions you feel justified in vilifying the daughter in law?

Why do you think it’s unlikely that a man wants to support his wife, of his own volition?

Because to me, ‘supporting’ somebody by sacking off Mother’s Day 3 years down the line isn’t an obvious course of action. If I had a relationship with my mum, and DH’s mum died, I would probably stay home for the first Mother’s Day but not the second/third/fourth because I think it’s disproportionate and doesn’t balance supporting DH fairly against my relationship with my mum. What’s he going to do, never celebrate Mother’s Day again? How many years does this go on for?

Also, there's a massive difference between admitting she might struggle, and "banning" her husband from seeing his mum.

You're being ridiculous Moonicorn.

You have chosen to create a big Mother's Day event that will be centred around mothers.

Your DIL has decided not to come, which is understandable. There is no evidence that she has forced your DH to stay with her. The best response is to say "I'd really like it if you did something to mark mothers' day but it doesn't have to include DW if she isn't comfortable and/or it could be something together on another date."

Ultimately, do you care more about having your son do something for you willingly or forcing him to do the thing that you want?

You’ve completely misunderstood what that poster was saying 🤦‍♀️

Because I think, on a balance of probabilities, it’s unlikely he thought he would stay home with his wife unless she said was struggling and wanted him there.

Why though? Why do you think it’s unlikely that a man wants to support his wife, of his own volition? This is just such a bizarre way of thinking, to me.

But where does it say she told him he has to stay with her? Her not wanting to visit MIL is not her telling him not to. I'm sure he's big enough to decide for himself what to do.

Women are misogynists when they invent a scenario out of the clear blue sky blaming women for men's decisions when the OP hasn't said anything of the sort. Men are sentient, autonomous adults in their own right and are more than capable of making decisions for themselves.

'Independent thinking' doesn't extend to making this up.

You're welcome 😀