Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

I really don't get the hype about Mother's Day

It's such a load of tosh

Arrange a family dinner another time

My MIL was a real piece of work and would lie straight faced about me to DH's brothers and sister. (The others who married in had similar problems.) His sister asked DH to visit her with our children and to leave me at home. His reply was that I was his wife and his family and I came first. This is obviously how your DS feels and that is how it should be. I'm sorry if you are disappointed but, as others have suggested, you can have a full family meal another time.

‘Enjoy her mum in law’…?

People tend to enjoy people who are nice, who they like, and who like them.

Yanbu.
She can put her feelings aside to enjoy her mum in law and support your relationship with your son.
In her position I would realise how very short time actually is and encourage him to see his mum whilst he can.
And I'm still very much grieving for my beautiful mum but I would put others first.

I never expect my children on Mother's Day.
It really doesn't bother me in the slightest.

A phone call would be nice and I usually get one. I usually get a card too but I really don't want one.

Mothering Sunday is a religious occasion that was hijacked by commercialism.

I can't be bothered with it if I'm honest.

To remind someone to visit you because it's 'Mothers' Day' is a bit grandiose on your part.
Leave it be.

To all of the other posters who think that you ‘get over’ a bereavement & by thinking that it’s been 3 years so she should be over it, you should feel grateful that you haven’t experienced grief.
She doesn't need to "get over" her mum's death. Setting up a wedge between the MIL and her DH to punish her for still being an alive parent isn't fair though. Would you expect her to never wish her dad a happy father's day because the mum died? No, it's because it's her in-law that people think it's ok. It really isn't, in-laws are family and human too. MIL is allowed to feel upset that she can't see her own son because of DIL's feelings. My dad just died and I wouldn't dream of punishing FIL for it.

You are not being unreasonable, your son needs to grow a pair. I lost mum , now it didn't stop me celebrating mil day, I did it for mil and wife. He sounds a right wuss.

Tell your son to grow a pair, he sounds a right wuss. My mum died many years ago it didn't stop me making a fuss of MIL on mother's day

Just so I understand this:
You have 3 other children but you’re upset that your adult, married son is prioritising his wife. They are also 2 hours away. Your DIL’s mum died 3 years ago but u don’t understand why it may be difficult for her & you think that it would be ok for her to be left while your son visited you???!!!

I think you need a reality check!

To all of the other posters who think that you ‘get over’ a bereavement & by thinking that it’s been 3 years so she should be over it, you should feel grateful that you haven’t experienced grief.

I can understand where you’re coming from. But why get hung up about seeing DS and DDiL on a particular day - see them another day when it doesn’t upset DDiL. It’s the fact he loves you and visits you that matters, not turning up on a certain date or not.

This must be a reverse but if not…Wow you called to remind him! Believe me she will be more than aware of what day it is, you sound like a piece of work and tbh if you continue down this road I wouldn’t be expecting a lot of visits in the future.

I could understand being disappointed but surely you could do something another day.

I think that @GotABeatForYouMama is probably right and the dil doesn't yet want to join in celebrating Mothers Day.

Thankyou. It truly was "the worst of times" and when you factor in the guilt of not being able to give your own mother the send-off she deserved then, as I said, it's no surprise that OP's DiL may still be finding things a bit tough when it comes to Mother's day.

That must have been absolutely dreadful @GotABeatForYouMama. It must have made an already traumatic time a thousand times worse. It was the first time ever that I was grateful my parents were dead.

I think some posters need a bit of perspective when it comes to the fact that Op's DiL may still be struggling 3 years after her mother's death.

Cast your minds back to how things were back then. My mum also died in 2020 ( 10 days after MD to be exact). If you all recall there were rules on how we should grieve....no visiting the Chapel of Rest (mum was cremated in her hospital gown as the undertakers weren't allowed to dress her), no "proper" funeral, no "wake", no hugs of comfort from friends (hell we even had to travel in separate cars to and from the crem). All of this added to the distress of losing someone you love so much. Everything that was considered "normal" when it came to saying goodbye to mum was taken from us. It took longer to process and TBH I still don't think me or my sisters have reached the point of acceptance even now.

I understand why OP's DiL MAY still be struggling because, unless anyone posting about how the DiL is "selfish" and controlling", actually had to go through what she, I and many others, did at that time you just won't "get" it at all.

Saw this on Twitter, so hopped over to see the actual thread.
Thank goodness the DIL has such a considerate and supportive husband.

‘Dramatic accusations’?

You mean pointing out I think you’re wrong?

It’s OK to disagree.

You sound heartless, insensitive and lacking in empathy OP. Maybe there are other reasons your son and daughter-in-law, sorry I mean “son’s wife”, don’t want to spend the day with you.

Lots of nastiness on this thread. Good to see MN intervening.

It’s a tired tactic on here, it just gets boring. And I’m not convinced - I said clearly what I thought ‘on a balance of probabilities’ and said I could be wrong. But don’t let that stand in the way of your dramatic accusations…

Right.

The semantics is ‘bullshit’, but not you being convinced you know what the DIL is doing…..

Now now let’s not start with the semantics ‘ooooh very telling’ bull shit.

Interesting that you call her your son's wife, rather than your daughter-in-law.