Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

I understand this may feel a bit hurtful but tbh I think you can be proud of a son who is that considerate to his wife. She’s the most important relationship in his life and caring for that bond is extremely important.

I think keep inviting each year and then take any declines graciously. You will get a much better response in the future from them both if you are understanding and kind about this. I really wouldn’t kick up a fuss over it otherwise you’ll end up on a MIL thread on mumsnet.

Even without the wife’s mums being sadly gone expecting someone to do four hours round trip because it’s Mother’s Day is selfish. His going to call and I would guess send a card /gift/ flowers.

He is putting his wife’s feelings first - and that is absolutely the right thing for him to do, @Thegardenmum - sorry. I don’t think it means he doesn’t love you or value you, and I do think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Is this a reverse?

You are joking surely?

If this is real you are one selfish piece of work.

I wouldn’t do a 4 hour round trip for a Sunday lunch, regardless of the other issue.

Yabu!

He isn't obliged to spend that day with you. If his wife is going to be feeling cut up and vulnerable that day, then it's quite right that he wants to be with her. Many mothers of adults children are happy with a card or a phone call, they don't expect the whole family to turn up and pay homage to them all day

If you want a healthy relationship with your son and his wife, I suggest you quickly internalise the idea that his life doesn't revolve around you any more.

You do have to understand though that it will be difficult for her and that she quite rightly, needs her husband to be there for her.

I know you are disappointed, but he needs to put his wife’s feelings first.

I say that as someone with an adult son - if he was in that position, I would understand.

I am sort of in the same situation, my mum died when I was a child - on mother’s day. I have children myself and they don’t know that she died on that day, they make me a card at school but that’s it, I don’t celebrate.

We’ve always lived too far from dh parents for a situation like yours to arise, but I wouldn’t stop him seeing his mum.

We are all different though.

Surely a reverse .
If not , As a mother of adult children it’s lovely when they have time to come for dinners , but to expect your son to leave his wife alone while she will still be grieving her own mum , or play happy families on a difficult day for her is just crazy selfish . Especially when you have other children who will be there . Definitely a case to be made for inviting them all on a less painful day for his wife .

You are not unreasonable to be disappointed, but rather unreasonable not to take into account that your son and DIL view the day differently to you. Maybe your DIL has very complex feeling around days like this and your son is obviously respecting that.

He is going to ring and will probably send you the flowers, card etc.

And I would never expect my adult children to make a fuss of mother's day, but we're all different! Quite happy with a card and a message!

I understand your disappointment but sounds like wife is still struggling.

If having whole family round the table was my priority I would do it again at Easter or some other weekend. Meanwhile enjoy your Mother's Day with the children who are coming.

If you were my mum I would be taking you for lunch the day/weekend before as an alternative rather than a phonecall.