Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

Why did you have to include her in the message reminding her it was Mother's Day? That's just cruel. It should've been just to your DS, seeing as he's your son and your his mum and how you two celebrate Mother's Day is nothing to do with her.

“Don’t forget it’s Me day coming up! I’m preparing a meal to celebrate Me! I presume you will be there to celebrate Me?”

Oh op. This is MN. Where MILs are worthless, hated and despised. You won’t get anything other than abuse for even suggesting that dinner with your son and his siblings on Mother’s Day might be nice. His wife’s mum has died so you must bear the brunt of this and be hurt and dismissed for even existing. YANBU.

I agree. It's utterly unreasonable to expect someone to do a four hour round trip - Mothers' Day or not.

Yeah it must be a reverse

If my mum called me to ‘please come to lunch’ as an instruction rather than an invitation, my hackles would be right up. You don’t get to dictate their activity.

Add in his wife’s bereavement and nope, I’d not be attending.

Clearly a reverse and this is the sons wife posting

Personally, I think @Thegardenmum the way that you speak of her might give an insight on how you feel about her? 'Son lives with wife' sounds extremely detached. 'His wife's mum' sounds a little dismissive. Do you and your daughter in law usually get on ok?

If your son chooses to stay home with his wife on this particular day that's his call. You can't really expect or dictate that adults follow your rules unfortunately, just make arrangements to see them another time maybe.

Tell me you didn't actually message your daughter in law who has lost her mother to remind her it's mother's day. Surely no one is that emotionally thick?

Oh don’t be so self centred. He’s been clear and concise about the issues at hand and he’s being supportive to his wife, not sure why that would make you feel anything much other than quite proud of him.
As an aside, you invite them to lunch, but you’re a four hour trip away?! That’s quite a journey, I wouldn’t blame him for saying no on the basis of that alone tbh.

I'd be really proud that I've raised a man who is considerate of his wife and is showing himself to be a good husband who cares about his family and will do what he needs to, to ensure his wife's welfare on a day that's likely to be very difficult for her. I think you are being unreasonable to expect her to sit home alone or to put on a pretence and show up for you. She's your dil and I think you should be acting like she's part of your family and caring more for her welfare. Arrange to see them on a less sensitive date and be proud of the man he grew up to be.

Are you not inviting your children's spouses?

While you may have hopes for a family gathering on mothers day, understandably as he will be supporting his wife (also a mother?) that won't be possible.

I think you're being unreasonable and lacking in empathy, and seem to see your adult DC as an extension of you, rather than adults with their own lives.

You are no longer his priority on mother's day and he cannot be summonsed. Pick another Sunday.

Clearly says 3 years ago.

I think the only bit you're unreasonable on is sending the message to them both. I can't see why he can't come alone if he'd usually celebrate with you. Not fair you miss out on your normal experience because she can't have hers

I think with this being the first year after his MIL has died, YABU.

However, in future years I would say he IBU if he didn't come.

Either a reverse or you are insanely insensitive.

This is ridiculous. Of course he doesn't have to come. What a thoughtful husband he is.

And why did you say you called to remind him, rather than to invite him? Seems like you feel entitled to a visit, regardless of the pain it will cause his wife.

Your children are grown up now. They get to choose when they visit.

Your son sounds lovely.

What a supportive and understanding husband he is.

You should be very proud that you've raised such a compassionate man.

You are expecting too much imo.

I can't believe your sent your DS a 'reminder' that it is Mother's Day . I have an adult DS, an only child, and I wouldn't DP dream of 'reminding' him, he may or may not remember but I don't need a card or flowers to know that I am appreciated.

100% YABU.

This is mad. Yabu.

Adult children aren't obliged to attend family meals on special days. If he sends you a card then that is enough.

You are being insensitive to his wife.

By the way it's written, I would say a reverse.

I think he’s behaving well. Fine to invite them, fine for them to decline.

I think if you literally did what you said and sent them a reminder that’s it’s Mother’s Day and in effect summoned them to your house then that’s quite self absorbed. It’s up to them to choose to mark the day for you, not for you to demand. Also it was quite thoughtless given your daughter-in-law has lost her DM so it’s bound to be painful for her. YABU