Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

Based on your opening post, I'm not surprised

She didn't marry an entire family. She married your son. She doesn't owe you anything.

I don't blame her based on what you've posted. Why on earth did you have to include her in the reminder that it was Mother's Day? Are you really that stupid and cruel?

I am 70 and have DC. I do not expect anything on Mothers Day. In my opinion it is mainly for younger women who are actively bringing up children, to encourage those children to appreciate their mother's input, not for Grannies to try and hog the limelight. Have all the family over on another day and celebrate everybody.

Really? You've never visited your mother yourself...okay fine if you moved a distance away, but you've never heard of any of your friends/colleagues/acquaintances mentioning they popped to see their mother on mothers day??? That is really unusual. I would say most people living within a reasonable distance to their mothers would tend to see them on mother's day most years....doesn't have to be a big event though, just a popping in with a card or flowers.

In my experience its usually led by the child though, not expected by the mother!

She didn't suggest it.
She wrote a message to BOTH OF THEM essentially asking her diL to stop being upset about Mothers Day & make it all about OP instead.

Now she's pissed because her son won't leave his upset wife hime alone while he does a 4 hour round trip to have lunch with her.

It's got fuck-all to do with gher being a MiL & everything to do with being a selfish bitch.

Totally see your point of view. I was devastated when my mother died but I would never have dreamt of him not seeing his own mother on Mother's Day. If anything it's made me drive him to keep more regular contact.

I do think there's a lot of selfishness going about these days.

I understand why you feel sad but I think your son is being sensitive to his wife.

For myself, mothers day isn't such a big deal as a daughter or a mother. My sister still finds mother's day hard and our mum died nearly 10 years ago.

Ouch

Also OP (who is really the DIL) do you and your DH have DC's?as that makes a difference too.

These days DM tells me not to come as it’s my day too. I wish she had decided that before DC were young adults!

Anyway, as long as I get a card I’m happy. I don’t, and never will, expect anything more but anything else is a nice bonus. Your poor DIL will be finding Mother’s Day very hard.

I can’t believe you actually contacted them though to tell them that Mother’s Day is coming up!

You're a grown adult.

Personally I think mothers day/fathers day is nonsense really and just for kids to make a card etc. It's not something I over think as an adult. Usually send my mum something in the mail but we've never gone out for a meal. I can't imagine her giving me grief over it.

If you kick off at this, be prepared for a very icy, if any relationship in the future.

And it was also very unreasonable to message them both to remind them of the day.

Obviously a reverse.

Why do people do it?

Do they think they will get more favourable answers that way?

It's so bloody annoying!

What utter rot.

1. She isn't his MIL, she's his mum. Many of us are mothers of adult sons in long-term relationships and we are commenting that SIBU

2. She didn't "suggest it might be nice". She sent a message to both of them summoning them to lunch 2 hours away, and is throwing her toys out of the pram because the answer is no. Who sends a woman who has lost her mother a message reminding her it's Mother's Day?!

3. OP is in now way "bearing the brunt" of her DIL's bereavement, whatever that means. She's being required to accept that her son is married, committed to his wife and his putting her feelings on that day ahead of his mother's towering sense of personal entitlement. Good on him.

I have never known adult children tovisit their mother on Mothers Day - even when the relationship is/was good! In decades, I've not seen it in my generation nor did my parents ever visit my grandmothers. Possibly distance was a factor, as it would have involved an overnight stay in each case, but what happened to the days when just sending a card was considered perfectly acceptable? Far too much fuss - as with Xmas etc, it is just one day!

do you have a good relationship with her OP?

This must be a reverse - no one is really this self centred (surely not?).

This.

It would be unreasonable if he didn't mark the day at all because of his wife but I doubt most people living that far away from their parents would travel down just for the day every year - nice if they did it once every few years or incorporated it into a weekend trip occasionally.

She sent the message to the DIL when she should've just sent it to her DS. That's why I'm saying she's BU.

This 100%.

You seem to have quite a sense of entitlement around Mother's Day.

Please tell me you didn't text your daughter in law to remind her it was Mother's Day? Just 3 years after losing her mum? No-one could be that insensitive.

AIBU to be annoyed?
I could - almost have some sympathy with you, & advise you to reframe your disappointment by making the most of all the other days of the year you get to spend with your son that just don't happen to be mandated by the cards & gifts industry ... but ...

I sent a message to them both reminding them it is mothers day soon
Are you for real? I seriously hope not, & this is a wind-up.
How could you DO that?

Did you imagine your DiL might have forgotten all about Mothers Day?
Why on earth did you send that message at all - let alone TO HER?
You are a supremely selfish bastard.
How you have the gall to be annoyed, instead of wishing the ground would open up to swallow you & your shame is beyond me.

Obviously sad that his wifes mum has died but why is he now not seeing his own mum?
BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS PROBABLY FEELING FRAGILE BECAUSE HER MOTHER DIED & THE ENTIRE COUNTRY IS GOING CRAZY OVER A NATIONAL CELEBRATION OF MOTHERHOOD.
You're not obviously sad in the slightest. It's all about YOU isn't it?

Good on your son, for sticking around to support his wife after your appallingly insensitive & solipsistic message to her.

The fact you need to ask is batshit