Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

‘Entitled’ is correct

I don’t understand why Mother’s Day of these days a purely commercial thing seems to upset so many mothers of adult children.

Do they not show love for you on other days? Do you only ever see them just on Mother’s Day? Are they not allowed to make their own plans how they wish and still be considered adult children who love their mums still rather than the devils own work.

Couldn’t a Sunday lunch happen the Sunday before or after or even a month before or after or a Saturday?

That's fine- totally reasonable, then they declined and explained why, also reasonable. It's not all about you, why do your feelings have to trump DILs grief? Why can't you just see them at another time which will be less of a hard day for DIL?

So why did you not text him on his own and say 'I'd love to see you on Mother's Day this year as your siblings are also coming round, but I know it might be hard for Wife', instead of sending them both a summons that they had to come?

Yes, this would have been a much better idea.

Op, I wouldn't be too upset about a Hallmark Celebration.

Mothering Sunday isn’t a Hallmark celebration @CountryParsonPetal. It is on the fourth Sunday in Lent and is was a day when children, mainly daughters, who had gone to work as domestic servants were given a day off to visit their mother and family. Mother’s Day is an American invention and is in May.

Even the retailers who want to make money from us are sensitive enough to ask us if we want to be removed from Mothers’ Day mailings yet someone would rub her DiL’s nose in it. Unreal.

Yeah, this

This whole thing about one day is out of proportion I think. We are mothers/daughters/sons all year round - it doesn't depend on one lunch on one day, but about the quality of the ongoing relationship. Why don't you have a special lunch on a different day?

After five pages of responses, you still don't get it do you?

You honestly can't see how insensitive it was to send that message (and yes it does sound like a summons) to your DIL, given the circumstances?

You sound like my MIL (bear in mind I'm a mother of two adult sons and wouldn't dream of this.) She told me at least she didn't have to share DH and I now shortly after DM died.

I dont understand all the posters saying YABU. I dont think you are. Sure its a sad day for your DIL as her mum has passed but does this mean he will never spend mothers day with you and punish you as well? I dont think you at unreasonable, I think this is a reverse.

I don't know why OP is getting such a hard time. Texting the DIL is perhaps a bit insensitive, but I'd certainly think nothing of reminding my dc it's mother's day, can we have dinner together? On that day of the year, it is supposed to be about mothers. Not sure why OP as a mother shouldn't feel entitled to see her ds? I actually think it's odd that the DSIL wouldn't encourage him to see his mum and that he'd feel the need to stay with her. If it was her first MD after the death of her mum, yes, but her husband still has a mother. Should he never celebrate MD again because his MIL died?

Nah I'm with the OP. Three years is plenty of time for the wife to cope with mother's day and it's selfish of her to allow her feelings to impede on her husband's relationship with his mother.

Two hours is also not far for a family lunch for his mum.

I lost both my parents so have a lot of sympathy but wouldn't dream of keeping my DH from his parents three years on.

You cannot DEMAND that your son comes to you for Mother's Day! He can see you any day of the week. His priority right now is to his wife. You remind me of the aul wan out of Bread.

My mother died many many years ago and Mother Day is still excruciatingly painful. YABU and very entitled.

Your wife has had at least 30 years of Mother’s Days. Once your children are grown adults and have moved out of the home there should be no expectation for them to travel long distances to see you on this day every year. Lovely if they can do some years, but surely it shouldn’t be expected. I’d say that you are lucky that 3 out of 4 children CAN make it in person. Even without the deceased Mother-in-law situation, I would still think you are being unreasonable. He’s 30 not 13!

If your 4 children are in their thirties then you may have already (or probably will soon) have grandchildren…… Mother’s Day then becomes more about their wives with young children, and less about their own Mum. Sorry!

I live an hour away from my Mum but haven’t spend Mother’s Day with her for 10 years, since I had my own children and my husband plans a fun day for me and our own children. I still send my mum a card and gift, FaceTime her on the day, and I think most would say the same once you are 30+

Op, I wouldn't be too upset about a Hallmark Celebration. Perhaps suggest an alternative date that is preferable to you son and his partner.

OP you are absolutely shocking in your view of this.

My OH’s dad died 3 years ago and on Father’s Day I take a card to my dad on my own and see him for all of 5 mins as I know it’s a hard day for my OH. It’s different for me cause I live 5 mins away but I certainly wouldn’t drive a 4 hour round trip.

Selfish beyond belief.

It’s fine that poster is the dogs mum. It’s all good.

My mum died 25 years ago when I was 30. 3 years later most of my friends still had their mums and I found it hard. I hated shopping in the weeks before Mother's Day as it was everywhere. A reminder message would have been hard. Nowadays it wouldn't bother me at all.

Your DIL hasn't stopped your son from coming. He's being sensitive to the fact that it's a difficult day for her. You should be celebrating that he sounds like a kind and caring man.

You can't be serious

You think it was acceptable to message someone who lost their mum a short time ago about mothers day, and issue a summons?

You're very clearly not welcoming her, you invited her because you thought you stood a better chance of your son being there, not because you like her, that much is clear.

Blimey, there’s more than one of them.

You really are tone deaf.

I don't think you're being selfish at all. It's sad that you DILs mum died but it was 3 years ago, you're still here, and why should you miss having your family around on mother's day would be lovely for you and them.

I don't think your text was tactless, and I don't get why you're being so heavily criticised here.