Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

If you have to ask…

This thread doesn’t ring true.

Either it’s a reverse, or you’re the OP from a recent thread who didn’t want to go to her MIL’s for lunch on Mother’s Day (saying it was time for her to ‘hand the baton over’) and got your arse handed to you, and so now you’ve set up a thread to prove your point.

You can’t actually be genuine.

On the slim, off chance you are, the reason your DH isn’t inclined to go (nor persuade his wife to go), is all right here on your thread.

A card and flowers is good enough. Your son is an adult he can see you any Sunday. He is supporting his wife and rightly so . She is his family and clearly finds it hard. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is horrible when you’ve lost your parents and I certainly wouldn’t spend it with my in-laws if we weren’t close like you clearly aren’t. Plan something the week after.!

I assume that she will be going to church- as Mothering Sunday is so important to her

They will give her a bunch of daffs there- job done.

This is completely bizarre. We’ve never seen MiL or my mum on Mother’s Day - they both live several hours away, and it’s not a day it’s ever occurred to any of us to try to get together on. Christmas, Easter, birthdays, yes, but on Mother’s Day they get a card, or flowers if we want to be accused by our siblings of sucking up.

But ok, clearly it’s a bigger deal in your family…in which case why on earth can you not see how gratuitously cruel it is to try to rub your DiL’s nose in that when she’s lost her own mother?! Or how utterly ridiculous it is to throw your toys when your adult children with lives of their own won’t cross the country on the date you demand, even without the additional sensitivities of the date you’ve chosen?!

Definitely a reverse. I find it hard to believe someone would actually behave like this.

It's always mothers of sons who are labelled as controlling and entitled on MN.
Posters who come on after MD to say they are upset that their adult dc made no effort are always told to take the bull by the horns and organize something themselves for next year. Apart from sending the DIL the text, I thought OP was being very proactive. I don't think it's too much to expect a bit of effort one day a year to turn up for a dinner (that's cooked for you!) in aid of your mum.

Yanbu obviously. Her mum is dead, she can be sad any day of the year. This is your special day. 🙄 Ior she should just get over for your special day

I mean, that's the level of your comment. Dress it up how you want but that's what you mean.

My MIL knows my mum died a couple of years ago and she would never be as heartless and selfish as you are being.

I think you are being ridiculous to expect him to travel two hours to see you in the first place, just for a meal on Mother's Day. I don't expect my children to do that and I don't visit my own mother either who is a similar distance away. If you want to see them, invite them over next weekend and don't mention mother’s day. Stop being selfish.

brilliant!

"Precious"? She's a young woman who has lost her MOTHER.

Precious is sending out a command to your adult children that they must pay homage to you on a specific day.

It is completely normal for adult children not to see their mothers on mother’s day, no matter what the circumstances. You are being incredibly unreasonable and selfish, OP. You son’s wife is his priority now, not you.

This.

My own in-laws, primarily SiL but MiL too, behaved in such a way after the death of my own mother that the relationship has never recovered.

Your choice, OP.

Yabu

Do you see them often?

You messaged someone who’s lost their mom to remind them it’s Mother’s Day? You are an insensitive areshole OP. I hope that’s clear enough for you.

You invited them. They said thanks but no thanks. That should be the end of it.

your making an issue where there doesn’t need to be one.

Exactly. Easter Sunday is not even an month away from Mother’s Day and
so it could be a possibility for them to come for a longer visit instead for a few hours on one day.

@RampantIvy I completely disagree. Mothering Sunday has become a Hallmark celebration, just look into any retail outlet to confirm my view.

Both my adult DC live 2 hours' drive away. I would never expect them to come on Mothers Day. A card is sufficient!

Do they have children?

Sorry OP just re-read your OP and read that your DILs mum died 3 years ago. I thought it was recent. Yes it must be hard for you not seeing your son on Mother’s Day. Can you arrange to see your son the following weekend as a compromise?

What has happened the past two years out of interest?

It's a tough one, this will be my 3rd Mothers day since my mum died and it really is a difficult day. That said I love my MIL and would happily spend the day with her and I'd manage to do so without feeling too sad / triggered.

You can't force people to feel a certain way. You can't force your DIL to feel up to coming to see you and your family, you can't force her to feel okay with being on her own so your DS can come alone. Sadly I think you have to leave this alone and respect their choice.

Having my mum die suddenly has made me 100% in the "spend as much time with your loved ones as you can" camp but again not everyone feels this way. Grief can make you very selfish.

Her DIL is not keeping him from doing so, he is choosing to do so to support his wife.

Even if he went to OP’s for Mother’s Day, he would likely be distracted and worrying about his wife the entire time which OP would likely be focusing on more than just enjoying that all her children are all there.

What did you do for the last 2-3 mothers days?