Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

Considering this is the culture in the UK I don't see why it can't be celebrated?
How is celebrating mum considered to be rubbing it in? If a sister or brother died for example, would it be expected to stop celebrating other people's birthdays too?
Or are only parents considered unimportant and should understand?
Obviously mum's can and should be celebrated any time, I just don't see the problem here.

You needn't make much of a fuss of Mother's Day. It's hardly Christmas! A card or a phone call could suffice, surely?
I lost my mum when I was a young adult and it was tough at first. Even though you come to terms with it, celebrating someone else's mum's Mother's Day isn't easy.
I think your son sounds quite sensitive, OP.

I honestly don't think I ever saw my mother on Mother's Day again after I moved out when I was 18. I do feel you're being rather controlling. Your son's an adult and his wife is the most important woman in his life now.

@Thegardenmum yabu. I wouldn’t want you as a DM or a MIL. You need to chill and stop ordering your family about. They have their own lives and responsibilities.

I could understand it if only a few months ago, but three years? Very selfish of her to guilt her husband into not seeing his own mum. My father died on Xmas day four years ago, but I wouldn’t expect my husband not to celebrate Xmas with his family for fear of upsetting me.

Loads of adults cannot see their mum on Mother’s Day for many reasons, I understand being a little disappointed but really can’t understand you being ‘upset.’ You asked them to come and your son is prioritising his wife and her feelings, I would be proud of him if he was my son.

I would be really proud of how considerate and caring he is towards his wife.

Again this suggests there is somehow no relationship the rest of the year, and the onus is on Mother’s Day for a child to prove their love / determine the quality of the relationship. All adults can accept that circumstances might mean not getting together on Mother’s Day - and there is no reason the OP’s son can’t “celebrate her being alive” on any other day / occasion, without rubbing it in his poor wife’s face.

When she says it is. The answer to that question might conceivably be 'never'. And that's okay.

It's highly unfortunate that when we experience some of the most momentous losses of our lives, we learn some sharp lessons about who is really there for us and who isn't. It's not always the people you expect. But what we remember most of all, which always rankles and is never really forgotten, are those whose callous, self-centredness makes an agonizing time even more painful.

My SiL and MiL fall into the latter category. They are prioritized in my life accordingly (ie very little), as my DH and DC are prioritized in theirs. We expect nothing and are accordingly never disappointed.

The people who have always been there for DH and me during the bad times are first to be invited to share the good. Shared DNA does not give anyone that right: love, care, and behaving like family (whether blood-related or not), does.

I'm actually shocked at the majority of posters op
I am completely with you op
I mean
Ops son's mother is alive!
Surely he should celebrate her while he can?
I'm sure his wife would want nothing other than to celebrate her mum's life.
I think the son can support his wife and his mother!

Mothers that put expectations on Mother’s Day are generally high maintenance and difficult. You can spend time with your children any other time in the year - and hopefully because they want to.

What is becoming ever clearer, if it wasn't to start with, is that OP is having a good old laugh by pulling Mumsnet's pisser. And very successfully.

They know which buttons to press.

As a mother of 3 I couldn't care less about mothers day, it is a commercialised waste of money, I am their mum every day and don't need a card or flowers to confirm it. I am so glad I was brought up by parents who also had this view and I have never had to deal with this bizarre behaviour.

You summon your adult children for Mother’s Day and expect them all to attend? That in itself is unreasonable.

Wow you are so unreasonable it’s untrue. Her mum is dead. Leave them alone. See him another day.

Oh you are awful! You know he’s an adult who’s married now so in most senses you will come second to his wife? That’s what a marriage is?

I feel really sorry for your daughter in law having to put up with you if this is how you view yourself in their lives. Totally selfish, uncompromising and lacking in empathy.

I appreciate that Mother's Day might be very important to you, but you have to appreciate that your daughter in law is still very upset about the loss of her mum and would appreciate your son's support on that day. Could your son not take you out another day and you get some one to one time?

Assume reverse, but:

At three years in YABVU more because they're two hours away than anything. Spoken as someone who lives 2.5 hours from my mum, and whose dad died two years ago. We'll see my mum but only if it's convenient. It's a long distance to fit in when life is busy.

I'm afraid you sound very entitled and spoiled. You have 3 adult children celebrating mother's day with you and you're feeling hard done by because one isn't coming and has explained, very reasonably, the reasons why. He's supporting his wife who is clearly struggling with the significance of the day. Why would he even leave her home alone when he knows this? It is a lot to ask someone to travel 4 hours for a lunch in any case. He sounds like a good husband. You sound completely disinterested in the DIL. My MIL has behaved like this over the years and she has only managed to push us and her grandchildren further away due to demands, sulks and bratty behaviour. Please tread carefully and respect your son's decision.

If only everyone was as amazing as you 🥇

I also have lost both parents, and have no issue whatsoever with my DH doing what he needs to do on Mother’s or Father’s Day (of course, it’s 20 years since I lost my Mum, so she’s just a dim and distant memory to me now, and Mother’s Day is just a day to make sure everyone else is having a lovely time being celebrated, or celebrating their mothers).

But not everyone’s as incredible as us, huh?

And pp have pointed out, none of us have the first clue what the DIL actually wants or has said.

She did say it has been 3 years since his wife's mother died though, when does it become ok?

There are 365 days in a year. Sometimes there are even 366. No need to make such a huge self important deal about this one.

And yes, I have children. I don't expect to see any of them on Mothering Sunday, they have lives. As indeed do I.

I have my doubts as to whether the DS has actually discussed this with his wife, just come to a conclusion as to what her thoughts might be. Hope I am wrong though.

It's a 4 hour round trip though. For lunch?? Mothers day or not, yabu to expect them to to this

YABVU.