Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

Yes it was an invitation, but she’s annoyed that her son has declined. People have the right to decline an invitation, otherwise it’s not an invitation, it’s an expectation.

Thank you!! This is exactly my point….when I die one day, will my son not wish he had spent more time with me

Probably not.

HTH

I didn't see this as 'demanding' or 'ordering' them to come. Maybe the Op has worded her post a little carelessly? Surely it was an invitation?

No one can replace someone's mum, but it would be lovely if the DIL could bring herself to regard her MIL as a close family, and enjoy being with her on her special day. You'd think she would want to be supportive of her husband, being with his mum and siblings, on a family day.

'Special days' (anniversaries, birthdays etc ) are always hard when one member of the family / parent has died, but those who are still living should pull together and try to put their own grief aside- it's just for half a day.

I know, I know.

But some of the replies make it irresistible ...

I think this is a reverse.
But if you did message your daughter in law to remind her about Mother's Day then you were being insensitive and unkind. You should be ashamed of yourself expecting her to celebrate the day with you when she is grieving for her own mother.

Wind ‘em up and watch ‘em go, eh @Thegardenmum?

“when I die one day, will my son not wish he had spent more time with me.”

Don’t be ridiculous. People who love their mothers spend time with them throughout the year, without notional days. If you have a good relationship with your son, he won’t think, “oh no there were 5 random March Sundays that I missed in 40 years” - because he won’t even remember them, they’ll be lost among the 1000 random days that he saw you without Hallmark telling him to 🤷🏻‍♀️

Reverse is posting the exact opposite scenario to test out opinion or elicit a response. The reverse would be it’s the DIL posting and she does not want to attend but posts as the mum

My beloved dad has died but I'm glad my DH still has his and I want them to have and enjoy every Fathers Day together that they can. I put on a happy face even though it's so hard.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

Sounds silly but can someone explain what a ‘reverse’ is?

Of course you're being unreasonable. Even without your DIL finding the day difficult it's ridiculous to call a month ahead to remind your adult DC about Mother's Day, never mind to insist they come and spend the day fawning over you. Including your grieving DIL in the message is insensitive and cruel, frankly.

If you want a nice family day to include everyone then do it another weekend when your DIL is likely more inclined to be sociable, nobody will be sad or uncomfortable, and invite them like the adults they are, don't just demand their attendance.

I'm genuinely baffled that someone as self-absorbed as you're coming across has managed to raise what sounds like a decent and caring Son, who rightly puts his Wife first.

My sons put their wives before me, as they should. I doubt I’ll see them, or my daughters on Mother’s Day as we’re all dotted around the country.

They’ll call and send cards though, so I know I’ll be in their thoughts.

I completely agree with this although sadly not much you can do about it Op.

Normally if people want to see their mothers on Mother’s Day, they’re the ones to arrange something. As he hadn't, it’s probably fair to surmise that he’s not that bothered about seeing you on the day.

Two things:

1. It's really bizarre to ring all your adult children to remind them it's mothers day. Everyone knows it's mothers day. It's on calendars, for a start. It's also advertised in all the shops and on the radio, social media, etc. Even more bizarre to decide what the plan is and demand your children follow it - that's not how mothers day works. They're supposed to plan/arrange the day - IF they want to. And if they forget mothers day exists entirely, that's on them.

1. You say your DIL isn't that great and doesn't make an effort with the family. So you clearly don't actually want her there. Why the pushing for her to attend, then? Is it more of a pride thing? So other people will know that "everyone" came to see you on mothers day?

I'm wondering why you namechanged for this post OP. Is it because you are slightly embarrassed and think you might actually be being unreasonable?

Why send his wife a reminder too? Son yea as a are you and wife free on Mother's Day I have x planned?

he replies no etc etc, you reply that's ok, understandable as she's lost her mum - then leave it be and enjoy the day with the people who are able to join

You are ridiculous.

My Mum died when I was a kid. Mother’s Day with my MIL would STILL be excruciating. Luckily my MIL is a very reasonable person and doesn’t summon us for Mother’s Day, not that we’d go if she did. Good for your son standing up for his wife. She’s his priority now, as she should be.

What is an appropriate timeline for grief, pray tell?

Surely you aren’t really this tone deaf OP?

Of course it’s reasonable to be disappointed, but you really do need to catch yourself on, or TBH I do not think your son son is going to regret not spending more time with you (since you ask).

My DM died over 10 years ago. I still struggle with Mother’s Day. If she’s not ready, she’s not.

Op I think you need to realise adults have their own lives and sure I know some people can say I have 10 adult children and they spend every special moment with me type thing

But just because not all your children are with you on the day does not have to be an issue

And to me it is nothing to do with his partner, he doesn't have to just because either

I sort of think it’s up to children to arrange something for Mother’s Day rather than the other way round.

he is right to support his wife. My husband is always my rock when comes to some family issues etc., so I guess your son wants to be there for his wife too