Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

I'd never expect my children to travel two hours to see me on Mothering Sunday. If they choose to, then lovely. I usually get a nice card and I'm very happy with that.
It feels most odd to arrange your own event and expect people to attend. Plus your son has good reason not to join as he's - rightly - looking out for his wife.

This thread is nearly 3 years old…

how are things going OP?

@Topseyt123 had a revelation this morning that it was Sunday today - don't know what day I thought I was on yesterday but I honestly thought we'd passed today

So yes, you're right, next Sunday is 12th March and the following Sunday is Mother's Day.

That's this Sunday

Isn't next Sunday 12th March?

Mother's Day is next Sunday - 19th March.

I know it's impossible but it would be great if the OP came back to say she'd had a lovely time with three of her sons and quite understood the fourth not coming and loved the flowers sent. But then I don't know when the day is.

You don't summon a grown ass adult,and his wife, do you can stroke your ego. Love is given not demanded

In the eyes of mils anything bad their son does or rather doesn’t do or bother with, with regards to his family is always the dils fault.

Like if my dh wants to visit his mother how exactly would I stop him? Chain him to the radiator or something. His an adult man who’s text his mother saying his not coming. There’s not mass texts from the dil calling the mil an insensitive bitch or anything just a son saying sorry mum I’m staying home but I’ll call you on the day and I’m sending flowers/gift.

I still remember the shocked face when mil asked me if I’d sent sils boyfriend a birthday present, I told her she would have to ask her son as I’d no idea it was even his birthday. She actually tutted too.

So if he wanted to use it as an excuse, there’s zero ‘emotional blackmail’ going on.

Honestly, just calm down.

It might actually be that the man has a thought of his own, radical as the idea that his partner isn’t a manipulative shrew is.

"Son messaged me privately" as it occured to the garden mum he hasn't even told his wife about the invite and just doesn't want to come himself. Sounds very machiavellian all around. Still can't believe the post is real /honest

That’s not the first time you’ve mentioned Judge Judy, Moonicorn… do you normally feel your way through life based on the sound bites of American media personalities?

Moonicorn you have no idea what's the most likely scenario because you don't know the people involved, you don't know what's going on their private lives right now and you don't know what their relationship with OP is like.

You've decided you want to have a go at the DIL so you're just making things up to support your view, i.e. she's controlling, she's manipulative, she's banning him from seeing his mother. Completely ridiculous and indeed misogynistic.

They both sound a bit 🙄 to me, DIL for being emotionally blackmaily and OP for ‘summoning’ her adult children for Mother’s Day

so, the women's fault. Of course. 🙄

And on a balance of probabilities, I don’t think he would have volunteered to sack off Mother’s Day with his own mum unless she had asked/hint for him to do it

Why? I’d say on the balance of probabilities it’s likely he thinks 4 hours is a long way to drive for a Mother’s Day lunch when he could just send a card/flowers.

@DirectionToPerfection because, as judge Judy says, ‘in the absence of being there is go with what seems the most likely thing to have happened’. And on a balance of probabilities, I don’t think he would have volunteered to sack off Mother’s Day with his own mum unless she had asked/hint for him to do it.

Like I said before, this is one of those threads where OP isn’t coming across well, so everyone has leapt to the DIL’s defence because they have to side with one or the other. They both sound a bit 🙄 to me, DIL for being emotionally blackmaily and OP for ‘summoning’ her adult children for Mother’s Day when it’s quite a minor event and it’s usually polite to wait to be invited to a meal rather than throw one for yourself. She also shouldn’t have texted the DIL.

Maybe but if I were the DIL I would say no, don’t stay with me, go see your mum if you want.

She may well have said that, you don't know.

Of course if he’s using it as an excuse then he won’t want to go either way.

Exactly. So why are you pinning the blame on his wife?

If misogyny is 'over used' @Moonicorn, maybe that it because it is still omnipresent.

Why are you so utterly convinced the DIL is emotionally blackmailing her husband into staying with her, and not that he’s chosen to not attend his mother’s request they attend her lunch?

Maybe but if I were the DIL I would say no, don’t stay with me, go see your mum if you want. Of course if he’s using it as an excuse then he won’t want to go either way. And oh blah misogyny here we go again 🥱 so boring and overused now.

@Moonicorn - I can see absolutely no evidence on this thread that it is @Thegardenmum's DIL who is 'placing restrictions on her son. It is equally possible that he knows how his wife will feel on Mother's Day, and is voluntarily staying with her instead of visiting his mum.

And I can see why other posters might call it misogyny when the woman in the relationship - the DIL - is blamed for the actions of the man.

I'm also curious as to why OP made a point of highlighting both their ages. Is there some sense of disapproval that her son married someone three whole years (shock horror!) older than him?

It's clear OP doesn't like her DIL anyway, so this turn of events is hardly surprising.

Who's emotionally blackmailing anybody?
What restrictions are you insinuating that @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius is imposing on anyone else?

You are coming across as being nasty for the hell of it.
Maybe OP's son just can't be arsed to drive 4 hours for a lunch.
OP has 3 other sons to enjoy the day with her. Nobody's got anything to be upset about here except the DiL.

You won’t get an answer @phoenixrosehere - some posters here will defend men to the death, while assuming the absolute worst of their own sex.

It’s weird.